A Different Jane or Not Your Mother's Jane Eyre
by jpmel
Summary: A flawed but fun, modern and mature adaptation of Jane Eyre.
1. Chapter 1

Not to be taken seriously. For entertainment purposes only. Inspired by the novel, the BBC mini series and my overactive imagination.

Chapter 1

"There was no possibility of taking a walk that evening. . . " So I got into my rusty, 1990 Honda Civic death trap, complete with its "Don't laugh! At least it's paid for" bumper sticker, and drove to the neighborhood dive bar one town over from Thornfield Hall. I really needed to get out of that big, cold stone house and away from Mrs. Fairfax, the Hall's manager, and Adele, my student. Now don't get me wrong, I like them both, but they really do get on my nerves some days, and this was one of those days. Adele just couldn't shut-up about the latest spring fashions that had arrived at the mall. And Mrs. Fairfax just went on and on about her soap opera. Don't these two have more important things to talk about? There are so many things going on in our world, and all these two can think about are wide legged jeans, and whether Cassey should tell her step brother Daniel that she is sleeping with his lover who is also his long lost half sister! I swear I could have strangled both of them today.

I pulled into the near empty parking lot, got out of the car, leaned against the door, and lit up a cigarette. As I inhaled the toxins that I knew were going to kill me if I didn't quit, I reflected on the last three months of my life. . .

Who would believe that I, Jane Eyre, would go from almost living on the street to becoming a governess to a rich man's niece. By the way, I use the term niece loosely. I just know that's a juicy story waiting to be told! Anyway, Adele, the niece to the always absent Mr. Rochester, (who I have not met but my paycheck keep clearing, so what do I care if he is never around, right?), is a lively and outgoing girly girl who lives and breathes for the latest fashion and boys. It is my job to get her ready for school in the fall, and to teach her to keep her drama queen, and boy crazy tendencies under control.

Then there is the grandmotherly Mrs. Fairfax. This kind woman welcomed me with open arms the day I arrived at the great Hall, and continues to shower me with love and affection every chance she gets. All of that attention, however, does make me feel very uncomfortable because I am not use to the kindness of strangers. Hell, I am not use to kindness of family either, but that, dear reader, is a story for another time. The old bat, (just kidding, I do love her in my own way,) took me under her wing and has tried to make Thornfield my home away from home. Little does she know, I have no home to speak of. You see, I've kept her in the dark about my past. I really don't like sharing too much personal information with the people I work with because things can get messy, for lack of a better word. Besides, it is none of their business, and I don't want their pity.

You would think that I would be satisfied with my life these past three months. I have a roof over my head (the nicest one I have ever had,) people who seem to love and care about me, and a pretty nice paycheck to boot. But you would be wrong. I feel like something is missing, that I should be doing more with my life. In this day and age women can do anything they want, but I feel like I am doing nothing. I am not content to just sit back and do what is easy or what is expected of me. I crave adventure and the new people and challenges that come with it. I really need to be with people my own age, who share my interests, and who know what is going on outside the little world of Thornfield Hall. Hopefully I will be going off to college in the fall. I'm still waiting to see if the scholarship I applied for comes through. I guess I will just have to keep my fingers crossed, and bide my time until then.

All of this reminiscing made me thirsty, so I took one last drag on my cigarette, stepped on it, and walked into the bar. I took one quick look around the run down watering hole and didn't see anyone I knew, not that I expected to. In fact, the room was nearly empty except for three people: The bartender, a man with dark, unruly hair sitting on the last stool at the other end of the room, and an obnoxious drunk who was walking towards me. When I went to move out of the drunk's way so he could get past me, he stumbled, pushed me into the wall, and felt me up. I didn't do anything at first because I was too shocked to move. It wasn't until he said,

'There is more where that came from if you would like to go outside, sweetheart,' that my self defense training kicked in. I grabbed his arm, spun him around, and slammed him into the wall, face first.

'If you ever touch me or another woman like that again without our permission you will not know what hit you. Do you understand me?. . . Well do you?'

He nodded his head, and I let go of him. The man turned around and looked down at me with a surprised expression on his face. I guess he didn't think that someone my size could handle herself like that. He then wiped the blood that was dripping from his nose on the sleeve of his shirt and left quickly.

I adjusted my sweater, smoothed back my hair, and then bellied up to the bar.

'Slow night?' I asked sarcastically as I flashed my non-award winning smile. 'I'll have a Black Label.' Which, by the way, is a cheap, harsh tasting beer that in a sick, strange way always makes me feel invincible when I drink it. I guess because the taste hasn't killed me yet. The sixty year-oldish bartender with a bad comb over, and a huge beer gut said, in a raspy voice that one can only assume was the result of smoking filterless Camels over many decades,

'Let me see some ID young lady.'

I handed him my fake ID and hoped for the best. I really needed that beer, especially now, and I just couldn't bring myself to drink at Thornfield because everyone there thinks I am an upstanding young lady who can do no wrong. Let me just say that I am not a saint, nor do I pretend to be one. I just try to do what I think is right. . . most of the time. Besides, I don't want to be considered a bad influence on Adele, and I really don't want to ruin Mrs. Fairfax's perception of me. As I said before, I like her. She is like the grandmother I never had.

The bartender examined my fake ID for about a minute, handed it back and poured me my beer. I don't know if he thought it was real or he was being nice to me after what had happened. I sighed, and was just about to take my first sip of liquid fortitude when I heard the man at the end of the bar ask,

'Come here often?'

I frowned, put my glass down, and was just about to tell him off when I took a quick look at who was to become my latest victim this evening. My initial reaction was that he wasn't conventionally handsome like Brad Pitt or the other pretty boy actors in Hollywood. His features were way too harsh for that. And if he was good looking, then I wouldn't be able to speak to him coherently. I usually get tongue tied around handsome men because I question their motives for talking to plain old me.

But when I took a closer look at the man, the first thing I noticed were his dark, piercing eyes which seemed to look right down into my soul. Even with the distance of thirteen bar stools between us, his gaze drew me in. Before I could drown in his eyes however, I was distracted by his strong looking hands as he lifted his beer glass to his sensuous lips. Man he has a great mouth! I thought as I pictured it going over every inch of my body. I almost had an orgasm as I watched him drink his beer.

'Only when I need to get away from reality for a little bit,' I said as I tried to look like I was not interested in him when I really wanted him to rip off my clothes, and do me on the bar.

'And why would a young woman like you need to get away from reality. Is your life really so bad?' he asked as he finished off his beer and shot.

'It's not bad now, just boring. But a few years ago it really sucked.'

The dark haired man smiled at me.

'You're not going to beat me up if I come sit by you, are you?'

'No,' I blushed. 'I promise to keep my hands to myself,' I added as I crossed my fingers behind my back.

The man stood up and confidently walked over to me. He sat on the stool to my left and said to the bartender,

'Keep 'em coming, and put what ever the lady drinks on my tab.' He then turned to me, 'If you feel like talking, I'm a good listener. By the way, I'm Ed,' he said as he held out his enormous hand.

I smiled as more dirty thoughts flashed across my mind.

'I'm Jane,' I said as I shook it. 'Nice to meet you and just so you know, I am quite capable of paying for my own beer.'

He laughed at me and shook his head.

'That doesn't surprise me in the least, Jane.'

I ordered another Black Label and waited. I didn't know what to say to him. As I said before, I am not one to tell other people about my past. I don't want their pity. But with Ed it was different. I felt like we had a connection right away. I wanted to tell him all about my crappy life, but I couldn't, not yet anyway. When you have been on your own as much as I have, you build up walls in order to protect yourself. You become stubborn, unemotional, self sufficient, and always on your guard because you are afraid of being hurt.

Now that he was sitting next to me, I could tell that he had had a hard life as well. The lines on his face and the hint of sadness that I saw in his eyes gave it away. I just knew he had a sad story to tell, and I wondered if he would be able to unburden himself on me.

'I'm not use to talking about myself,' I began.

'That's OK, neither am I,' he said with a warm, sympathetic look in his eyes. 'Just so you know, I can relate. My life has been no bed of roses either. If you don't feel like telling me about yours, believe me, I understand. But if you want, you can give me the twenty-five words or less version.'

I laughed and took a deep breath.

'Alright, here goes. . . I am an orphan who was placed in a really bad group home.'

Ed counted on his fingers.

'That's only thirteen words. You still have twelve words to go.'

I smiled and took a sip of my beer.

'You did say twenty-five words or less. How about you? What is your story?'

He took a quick sip of liquid courage and said,

'I have made mistakes in my life that I am ashamed of, and they still haunt me to this day.'

'Sorry to hear that. . . I don't want to sound like I am lecturing you but. . . did you at least learn form them?'

'Not yet. But I hope to. . . someday.'

I lifted my glass.

'Then here's to someday.'

Ed clinked his glass into mine.

'To someday.'

Our eyes met over the beer glasses and I couldn't look away. I didn't want to look away because I was falling in love with him. Now reader, I know what you are thinking, but I couldn't help myself. For some strange reason I felt like this was meant to be. That the universe was pushing us together. That something good was eventually going to come from this chance meeting. I wanted to sit on that bar stool forever and stare into his eyes and I probably would have until Ed asked,

'So. . . do you think I am good looking?'

I got defensive.

'What?! Why do you ask?'

'Because you were staring at me.'

'No! No I wasn't,' I stuttered.

'Yes. . . yes you were,' he smiled. 'Besides, you haven't answered my question,' he added just before he took another gulp of his beer.

'What was the question again?'

'Do you think I am good looking?'

'Why do you need to know?'

'Because I am curious to know what you think.'

'There are so many other questions that you could have asked me in order to find out what I think. I can't believe that is the one you chose.' I was definitely trying to change the subject.

'Well, what question should I have asked you?'

'How about. . . what is your opinion on the War in Iraq? Or the presidential candidates?. . .'

'If I wanted to talk politics I wouldn't have come to this bar.'

I laughed as I looked around and saw that we were still the only two customers in there.

'Let me get this straight. You come to this bar to find out if women think you are good looking?'

He smiled back.

'I never said I was smart. So. . .'

'So, what?' I teased.

He groaned and waved his hand at me.

'Never mind.'

I paused for a moment, took a drink, and looked down at the bar.

'A little.'

'Excuse me?' he laughed.

'OK, a lot,' I said, looking up at him.

'That's better,' he smirked as he finished off his beer.

'But why do you need me to tell you that? Why don't you just look in a mirror?'

'I don't trust my own judgment. Besides, it is nice to hear it from an independent, outside source.'

'Oh, so you think that you are handsome then.'

'Only when I look at you.'

'What is that suppose to mean?'

'Your green eyes sparkle when you look at me. I like that.'

Before I could say anything more, Ed finished off his shot and attempted to stand up. Somehow he misjudged where the floor was and nearly fell flat on his face. He turned to the bartender and asked,

'I'm not feeling well. Do you have a room where I can sleep this off?'

The bartender grumbled,

'Upstairs, third door on your right.'

I could see that there was no way he was going to make it up the stairs by himself. Since I was in much better shape than he was, I helped him. I stood up, and had him wrap his right arm around my shoulder, so he could use me like a crutch. He must have been at least 5' 10" and I am only 5' 2" on a good day. I am sure we made an interesting, if not hilarious sight as I supported him up the stairs.

I don't know how I did it, but I got him safely to the room in question. When I opened the door, and flicked on the light switch, the bulb popped. As I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness I noticed the moonlight shining through the window and onto the bed. The bed took on an ethereal quality that I was sure was nonexistent during the day. I guided him over and tried to lay him on it. As I pushed him down on the bed he didn't let go of me, and I ended up on top of him. Our faces were just inches apart. He looked deep into my eyes and said,

'I want to kiss you.'

Before I could answer him, he made an attempt to kiss me. Unfortunately, he missed my mouth totally and slobbered all over my cheek. I really wanted him to kiss me properly, so I gently turned his head and guided his mouth to mine. It wasn't a bad kiss, considering he was drunk, but it was nothing to write home about either. After kissing for a few minutes I heard him murmur,

'I want to make love to you.'

I laughed. I didn't know what else to do. He then said,

'You're assssolutely irressssssible,' right before he passed out.

I laughed again and thought, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is so weak! Not that I would have done anything with him, mind you. I decided that this was my cue to leave, so I got up off the bed and was going for the door when my conscious asked me, what if he was to choke in his sleep?

I returned to the bed and attempted to roll Ed over. It took about four tries, but I finally got him on his side. It was then that I realized that he was still dressed. The t-shirt he was wearing looked comfortable, but his jeans, not so much. Without thinking, I pushed him over on his back and unbuttoned his jeans. I looked up at ceiling as I attempted to pull them down. I'm a good girl. I'm a good girl, I mumbled to myself as I tried not to look at his. . . underwear. Unfortunately, I didn't have a choice in the matter. I couldn't get his jeans off of his left leg, so I looked down in order to complete my task. And I couldn't help but notice that the flesh was not so weak after all! Let's just say Ed had nothing to be ashamed of. Seeing him like that made me remember the huge box of condoms that was on the night stand. I'll admit it, for a split second I toyed with the notion of having my way with him, but I am not that kind of girl, and I didn't want my first time to be with someone who wouldn't even know that I was there. But curiosity did get the best of me. I ever so gently put my finger tips under the waistband of his boxer briefs, and was just beginning to pull it back so I could take a peek when I heard him mumble,

'Don't leave me, Jane. Please stay.'

He startled me, so I accidentally let go of the elastic, and it snapped back against his body. I froze in horror. Ed didn't seem to notice.

I know I should have left him right then and there, but I couldn't, not yet anyway. So I went around to the other side of the bed and spooned him, enjoying the warmth of his body. After about an hour of lying behind him and gently running my hands through his unruly hair, I leaned over his shoulder, brushed the hair away from his face, and kissed his forehead.

'Bye, Ed. Hopefully we will meet again someday,' I whispered as I left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning to Adele jumping up and down on my bed.

'Uncle Edward is home! Uncle Edward is home! Get up sleepy head! Uncle Edward is home! I wonder if he brought me any presents?' she prattled.

I groaned and rolled over. I wasn't feeling hung over, just dehydrated. 'Adele, stop jumping on my bed, and go get me a huge glass of water. Please!' I begged.

She ran out of my room still babbling. I, on the other hand, stayed in bed, and stared at the ceiling while thinking about the dark haired man from the bar. I even considered driving over to the bar to see if he was alright, but I was on the clock today, so I couldn't. Adele came back with the water still as excited as ever. I drank it greedily and finally rolled out of bed.

'Give me twenty minutes and I will be downstairs.'

After showering and dressing quickly, I pulled my hair back into a short pony tail. Even though I don't consider myself to be attractive I am always careful of the impression I make. I dress neatly and appropriately for what ever situation I am in, and I try to look as good as I can using what God has given me. Sometimes, though, I do wish that I had long flowing blond hair, pouty lips, large breasts, and legs that go on forever. But unless I win the lottery, I'm still going to look like plain old me with mousey brown hair, disproportionate lips, small breasts, and short legs. As I looked closely at my visage in the mirror, I marveled at how even though we all have the same features, it is their shape and exact placement on the face that determines whether or not someone is considered beautiful. Some days I feel that beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder at all, but in degrees and inches!

I went downstairs and found Adele sitting with Mrs. Fairfax in the kitchen. The child was trying her patience.

'No, Adele, you cannot see Uncle Edward yet. He got in very early this morning, and he isn't feeling well. We must let him sleep.'

'Do you know if he brought me any presents?'

'I don't know. I guess you will just have to wait and see if he gives you one.'

Adele pouted and left the room. Mrs. Fairfax turned to me and sighed.

'Jane, why don't you take Adele to the mall so she does not bother Mr. Rochester. He is always sick and grumpy when he comes home from his business trips, and I think it is best if you keep her out of his way today. I hate to see him yell at her because she does not see much of him, and she does adore him so.'

Are you sure it's him she loves, or the presents he buys for her? I wondered to myself.

Adele was very excited to hear that we would be spending our Saturday at The Galleria. Before we could go out to the garage, Mrs. Fairfax told me that since Mr. Rochester was back I needed to find a new place for my car. No big deal, I thought as I went outside. I walked past what I assumed was Mr. Rochester's fancy sports car, and did a double take. Wait, I've seen this car somewhere before! But I couldn't remember where.

When I got to my beat up Honda, I said a quick prayer hoping it would start. With a seventeen year old car every day is a crap shoot. Thankfully, it started, and I backed it out of the garage.

'Get in, Adele' I said through the open window.

'Miss Eyre, why can't you take one of Uncle Edward's cars?' she asked as she motioned to the two other expensive vehicles that were parked in the garage. 'You know I hate to be seen in yours,' she pouted. Adele is very good at pouting.

'The only car that is going to the mall is this one. Are you coming?'

'I'm coming,' she said dejectedly.

As soon as Adele got in the car she began playing with the radio. She knew the words to every song, and was constantly searching the dial for another one to sing. She has a nice singing voice so it wasn't unpleasant for me in the least. Maybe I should talk to Mr. Rochester about vocal lessons for her. It might do her some good to have something else to occupy her free time besides reading fashion magazines and thinking about boys.

While I drove I began thinking about this nine year old girl sitting next to me, and how worldly she is for her age. From what I understand, Adele's mother is an actress who lives in California and is unable to care for her at this time. According to Mrs. Fairfax, Mr. Rochester, out of the kindness of his heart, agreed to take care of Adele until her mother gets back on her feet. It seems that Adele was exposed to the Hollywood lifestyle, a lot of late night parties with drugs and alcohol, at an early age. And Mr. Rochester didn't think it was good for her to grow up in that environment, so he brought her to live at Thornfield.

When we arrived at The Galleria I realized that I had missed breakfast, and was now starving, so I suggested to Adele that we grab some lunch before our marathon shopping spree. Adele hemmed and hawed about how she needed to watch her figure, but agreed to eat something lite.

After a delicious lunch of Buffalo chicken strips, spicy french fries, an old fashioned chocolate milk shake, and the rest of Adele's salad (I did say I was starving!), we shopped, or should I say, Adele shopped and I watched. I think she tried on every item of clothing in Nordstrom's junior department! As I sat in the comfy chair outside the dressing room, my mind returned again to the bar. I thought about Ed and those two dark eyes that I wanted to get lost in, and his sensuous mouth that I wanted to feel on my body. Shivers went up and down my spine as I pictured what might have been if he didn't pass out. I was enjoying my fantasy a little too much because I didn't hear Adele talking to me.

'Miss Eyre, Miss Eyre, are you feeling OK? Your face is all red!'

'What?. . . Huh?. . . I'm fine Adele. . . It's just really hot in here,' I stuttered as I pulled at my t-shirt, trying to cool myself off. 'Are you ready to go?'

'No, there is one more thing I need to try on.'

One thing turned into ten and a hour later I was helping Adele carry all of her purchases to my car. I checked my watch and saw that it was now close to six o'clock. I hope that I had kept Adele out of Mr. Rochester's way for long enough, I thought as we began the drive back to Thornfield.

We pulled into the driveway, and before I could get the keys out of the ignition, Adele was out the door with her purchases. She couldn't wait to show them to Mr. Rochester. Unfortunately for her, he was locked up in his study, and wouldn't be available until nine o'clock. She invited me to come up to her room for a fashion show, but I respectfully declined. I had had enough of Adele for one day, so I went up to my room, grabbed my Canon EOS 35 mm camera that I had bought at a pawn shop, and went for a much needed walk.

I love the grounds of Thornfield at dusk. The fading light plays eerily on the big, old gothic estate. Trees that were beautiful during the day took on a sinister quality at night. I spent the next hour and a half walking the grounds, and taking pictures. I was just about to head back to the Hall when I heard Mrs. Fairfax calling for me.

'Jane, Jane, where are you?. . . Oh there you are!' she exclaimed as she saw me walking across the back lawn.

'You wanted me, Mrs. Fairfax?'

'Yes, Jane, It is almost nine o'clock. Mr. Rochester will be expecting you.'

'Do you think I should change my dirty clothes?' I joked.

'Yes, dear. Put on something nice, and fix your hair,' she said as she pulled a leaf from my pony tail.

I ran up the back stairs, and quickly went through my wardrobe. I don't have a lot of clothing, so it wasn't hard for me to decide on what to wear. I chose a simple, pink v-neck sweater, and a pair of khaki pants. Plain but presentable, or in one word, me. I then adjusted my most prized possession, my mother's locket. Inside contained two pictures, one of me as a little girl, and one of my parents. I am told my mother never took it off because it was her most favorite piece of jewelry. Now I rarely take it off because it is the only thing I have left to remind me of my Mom and Dad. I took one last look in the mirror to comb out my hair, and apply a little make-up. When I was somewhat satisfied with my appearance, I went downstairs to meet the elusive Mr. Rochester.

Mrs. Fairfax met me at the bottom of the stairs.

'Hurry up, Jane, Mr. Rochester is waiting for you,' she gently scolded as she led me to his study, and knocked on the door. 'Mr. Rochester, I have Miss Eyre to see you now.'

I head a deep, gruff voice answer through the door,

'Bring her in.'

Mrs. Fairfax led the way. When I walked into the room the only person I saw was Adele. She was sitting on the floor surrounded by tissue paper and open boxes. It seemed that Mr. Rochester was hiding in a huge winged back chair that faced the fireplace. Mr. Fairfax approached the chair.

'Mr. Rochester, I would like you to meet Adele's governess, Miss Jane Eyre.'

Mr. Rochester stood up, and walk out from behind the chair.

Oh my God! I thought to myself. It's Ed from the bar! My heart started racing and my face turned beet red. I couldn't move, so I just stood there, shell shocked. As he walked towards me I thought I saw a glimmer of recognition in his eyes, but it faded quickly.

'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all,' he began as he rubbed his forehead. 'I'm still not feeling well, so can we continue the introductions tomorrow, after breakfast?'

'Can I get you anything, sir? Tea perhaps?' asked a concerned Mrs. Fairfax.

'No, I just want to be left alone right now,' he said harshly, waving her off.

'Come, Adele,' Mrs. Fairfax said as she stood over her.

'But I haven't finished opening up my presents!'

'You can finish in the morning,' she said as she led the reluctant child out of the room.

I turned to leave and was almost at the door when Mr. Rochester grabbed my left arm. His breath felt warm and erotic on my neck as he whispered sternly in my ear,

'Come back here after the girl is in bed. We need to talk.'

I put Adele to bed as quickly as I could. I was nervous yet excited at the same time. I couldn't wait to see what Ed, I mean Mr. Rochester, had to say to me. Unfortunately this was one of those rare nights that Adele wanted me to read to her, so I knew I was going to be there for a while. I was very distracted and kept losing my place in the story. She noticed that I wasn't into the book, and mercifully, let me stop reading before we finished the chapter.

By the time I was finished with Adele, it was almost ten o'clock. I hope Mr. Rochester didn't get tired of waiting for me and decide to go to bed, I thought as I raced down the stairs. Luckily, I didn't run into Mrs. Fairfax because I didn't want to have to explain to her why I was going back into his study. I took one last look up and down the hallway before knocking quietly on the door.

'Come in,' said that deep, gruff voice from before.

I opened the door and saw no one this time.

'Sit by the fire,' he ordered from the wing chair.

So I smoothed out my sweater and walked over to a small, uncomfortable looking stool that he had moved next to his chair. As I sat down I heard him say in a very sarcastic voice,

'So, you're the sainted Jane Eyre that Mrs. Fairfax is always talking about. I bet she doesn't know that you have a bit of the devil in you. How do you think she would react if she knew what you were out doing late at night?'

I gulped and put my head down.

He continued.

'How old are you anyway?' he asked while looking a sheet of paper that I assumed was my resume. 'You are only eighteen, Miss Eyre, and should not be out drinking. Especially in bars.'

'Please let me explain. . .' I began.

'There is nothing to explain. You are underage. End of story,' he said as he sipped his scotch. 'You know, I could fire you for this.' His eyes were very cold.

'Oh please don't fire me. I need this job,' I begged. 'I promise, last night will be the last time.'

He sat up straight in his chair. His eyes flashed wildly and he bellowed,

'So you've done this before?' He was definitely not amused and I recoiled.

'Only once or twice and it has never affected my job performance.'

Mr. Rochester eyes bored into mine.

'Adele has made some progress under your tutelage, but she still has a long way to go.'

'I know, sir, and I am working on it.'

'See that you do!' he said as if my job, no, my life depended on it.

'Yes, sir,' I said as I stood up. 'Is that all?' I was desperately trying not to cry.

'You may go,' he grumbled as he waved me off.

I went for the door. Just as I was about to turn the knob I heard, in a much kinder voice than before,

'One moment, Miss Eyre.'

I tuned around, and found Mr. Rochester standing less than two feet away from me.

'Did anything. . . unusual happen last night?'

'What do you mean?'

'Did we. . . you know. . . I don't like the idea of a boss and his employee. . . It could make for an uncomfortable situation.'

I shook my head.

'No!. . . No, why do you ask? Do you not remember anything from last night?' I asked nervously.

'I remember drinking at the bar, and hearing commotion at the door. Everything else is a blank. The next thing I remember is waking up this morning in a strange bed. I don't even know how I got there.' He looked very uncomfortable.

I breathed a quick sigh of relief.

'You weren't feeling well, sir, so I helped you up the stairs.'

He looked me up and down in disbelief.

'You! There is absolutely no way.'

Thanks for the vote of confidence! I thought to myself.

'If you don't believe me go back and ask the bartender. I'm sure he got a good laugh watching me get you up the stairs.'

'I'd rather not, thank you. I guess I will just have to take your word for it. Oh. . . and one more thing. Did we talk about anything of a personal nature?' he asked, looking nervous again.

'No, sir. . . nothing personal.'

He chuckled.

'We probably just talked nonsense anyway. Nothing worth remembering, right?'

'Right. . . Good night, Mr. Rochester and thank you for giving me a second chance,' I said as I stared into his eyes.

He stared back, and I thought I saw a hint of the warmth that I saw last night.

'You're welcome Miss Eyre.' But then his countenance changed quickly. 'Don't make me regret it,' he said severely as he walked back to the fire.

I left the study as quickly as I could, and went up to my room and cried. I knew I was in the wrong, but where was the warm, funny man that I fell in love with at the bar? I guess love at first sight can be very unreliable.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I awoke that next morning after a horrible night of tossing and turning. Every time I closed my eyes all I kept picturing was Ed and Mr. Rochester sitting at bar with me between them. Ed flirted with me while Mr. Rochester scolded me every chance he got. Needless to say, it was a long night.

My alarm rang and I just couldn't bring myself to get out of bed and pretend in front of Mrs. Fairfax that I had never talked to Mr. Rochester last night. I knew I didn't have the energy to pull off that charade. Thank God I didn't have to. When I got down to breakfast Mrs. Fairfax informed me that Mr. Rochester was busy, and he needed to postpone our meeting again. I was relieved, yet I didn't like delaying the inevitable. I really wanted to start over with him as soon as possible. I felt bad for disappointing my boss, and I hoped that I could redeem myself in his eyes.

Since Sunday is my day off I decided to grab some snacks and a blanket and read a trashy novel underneath the enormous chestnut tree that the estate is known for. I found my favorite spot under the tree and set up shop. The birds were singing, and a warm but comfortable breeze was blowing. It was a great day to be outside, so I opened up my book and began to read.

The plot was really inane, something about a young woman desperately in love with her much older boss who didn't even know she was alive. But I somehow managed to read six chapters. I was just getting into a really erotic part when I heard,

'Are you reading anything that I would be interested in?'

I was startled. Instead of closing the book, and discretely hiding its naughty looking cover, the book flew out of my hands, and landed a few inches away from Mr. Rochester. He picked it up, looked at it, rolled his eyes, and handed it back to me. I blushed, and took the book without saying a word. He stood over me until I returned to my senses, and asked him to sit down. Mr. Rochester sat down next to me on the blanket and we stared off into space. I didn't know what to say to him, so we sat in uncomfortable silence for about five minutes until he chuckled,

'Adele keeps asking me if I brought you back a present.'

I laughed and shook my head.

'I can't believe how obsessed she is with them.'

He wrinkled up his brow.

'I'm afraid I've indulged her too much. . . Well, should I have?'

'That is your decision, Mr. Rochester. It is not for me to say if you should give presents to Adele or not.'

'Not Adele, Miss Eyre, you. Should I have brought you back a present?'

'I'm not use to getting presents, Mr. Rochester. Besides, I do work for you after all and I don't think that employers should be buying presents for their employees. Especially ones they haven't met yet.'

'What about your locket?' he asked. 'I'm sure that was a present.'

I put my hand over the gold heart and sighed.

'This was my mom's. It is the only thing I have left of her.'

He shook his head and looked uncomfortable.

'I'm sorry. . . I didn't know,' he stuttered. 'How about your father?'

'Dead, too. Want to see their picture?'

Now, I don't normally go around showing people the picture of my parents, but for some reason I felt really compelled to do so. I carefully opened the locket. Mr. Rochester leaned into me, and gingerly took it in his hand. I could feel his breath on my chest as he studied the picture. I felt like I was going to swoon.

'They look happy,' he said sadly.

'They were. It was love at first sight.'

He picked his head up, and looked me in the eyes.

'Do you believe in love at first sight, Miss Eyre?'

'Depends on the day,' I said a little too sarcastically. 'But ultimately, I do. I think you instinctively know who you are meant to be with.'

'I'm not sure I do. From my experience I think you need to really get to know a person first.' He then changed the subject. 'Is this you?' he asked as he looked down at my picture.

'Yes, it's me.'

He smiled.

'You were a beautiful little girl.'

I sighed quietly, and thought to myself, yes, but I haven't turned into a beautiful young women. He closed up the locket and laid it gently on my chest. His finger brushed softly against my skin. We sat in silence again.

'Adele is very fond of you,' he said after a while. 'I know she can be a bit difficult, but Mrs. Fairfax says that you handle her very well.'

I laughed.

'Mr. Rochester, you just gave me a present after all.'

He looked surprised.

'I did?'

'Yes, you told me I was doing a good job. That is all the present I need, especially after last night.' As soon as those last four words came out of my mouth I wanted to shove them back in as quickly as I could because his eyes blazed and he stood up abruptly.

'I hope you are not reading that trash around Adele!' he roared as he motioned to my book.

I didn't know what to say. One minute Mr. Rochester was all nice to me, and the next he was yelling at me like a mad man.

'No, sir,' I stuttered as I looked up at him.

He paused, looked down at the ground for a minute and shook his head again. Then he quickly walked away without another word.

I sat stunned on the blanket for a few minutes. What the hell was his problem! I thought. It was then that I realized nature was calling me. I knew that I didn't want to go back to the Hall in fear of running into Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde again, but I really had to go, so I gathered up my things, and headed towards the back door.

I met Mrs. Fairfax as I came into the kitchen. She was frosting her famous lemon poppy seed cake. After I finished my business and washed up, I returned to the kitchen and cut myself a huge slice.

'Make sure you save some for Mr. Rochester. It is one of his favorite desserts.'

I put my fork down, and pushed the plate away. The cake didn't seem so appetizing anymore.

'What is up with Mr. Rochester? Is he bipolar or something?'

Mrs. Fairfax laughed.

'No dear, that is just the way he is. . . But come to think of it, he wasn't always that way. He was a very loving little boy with a wonderful temperament. He always had a kind word for everyone, and he lived to please his father. Now don't get me wrong, the late Mr. Rochester loved Mr. Edward, but he did seem to favor the late Mr. Rowland, Mr. Edward's older brother. Mr. Rowland could do no wrong in his father's eyes, even when he was getting into trouble. I think Mr. Edward felt slighted because he always had to clean up his brother's messes. Mr. Rowland and Mr. Edward didn't get along with each other because of it, and I think that has weighed heavily on his mind, especially after his brother's death.'

'So Mr. Rochester's father and brother are both deceased. What did they die from?'

'Mr. Edward's father died from a heart attack, and Mr. Rowland died under mysterious circumstances.'

'You mean like murder?' I asked sounding shocked.

'No, not murder. I guess I should have said he died of natural causes at a young age.'

'Too bad Mr. Rochester didn't have a chance to make up with his brother before he died. The guilt must be eating away at him.'

'One can only assume. He doesn't tell me much. Only what he thinks I need to know. But what I do know is that he doesn't like to be here at Thornfield for long. Too many bad memories I guess.'

'That would make sense.'

'So if you could cut him some slack I'm sure he would appreciate it. . . You are not going to quit are you?' she teased. Then she chuckled to herself. 'I guess because I have worked here for so long I am use to his mood swings.'

I smiled.

'I'm not going anywhere except up to my room.'

'Don't you want your cake?' she called out as I left the kitchen.

I came back in, and picked up the plate.

'Thanks, I'll eat it upstairs.'

I sat on my bed, and devoured the cake. Poor Mr. Rochester, I thought as I licked my fork for any last bits of frosting. Guilt can be very hard to live with. I just hope he can work through it for his sake, for all our sakes.

I had some time to kill before dinner, so I changed into my sports bra and shorts, and went to exercise. Mr. Rochester has a state of the art workout suite in the basement, complete with plasma TV and spa. I use it almost every day and usually do about 20 minutes of cardio on the machines and 20 minutes of weight training before I get to my favorite activity, the heavy punching bag. It feels so good to punch and kick the living shit out of something, especially when I am stressed. So I put on the TV and breezed through my routine knowing what fun I was going to have when I was done.

The moment of truth finally arrived. I took one look at the bag, and pictured the drunk who felt me up at the bar. I let into the bag like there was no tomorrow. Punch, punch, kick. . . punch, punch, kick, kick. . . punch, kick, punch, kick, kick. . . punch, kick, kick, kick, kick. It felt so good to take my aggressions out on the bag that I worked it for over twenty minutes, oblivious to everything around me. As I was winding down my workout I thought I noticed someone standing outside the door. I was sweating heavily and my bangs were in my eyes, so by the time I pushed them back in order to see more clearly, who ever was at the door was gone.

My muscles were now screaming at me, so I decided to use the spa. I closed the door behind me, stripped off my workout clothes, lowered the lights and carefully slid into the bubbling hot water. The water felt wonderful as it ran over my sore body, caressing each muscle, and relaxing the pain away. I sighed and closed my eyes, enjoying the peacefulness that I was experiencing. This is one of my favorite things about living here, I thought as I cupped up some water, and let it fall back into the tub. Then I leaned against one of the jets, and let it do its magic on my lower back. I was so lost in my own little world that I didn't hear the door open. When I opened my eyes I heard Mr. Rochester say,

'Oh, excuse me, Miss Eyre.'

I quickly covered my breasts with my arms and sunk down into the water.

'Don't you knock?' I said to his robe covered back.

'I didn't know you were in here. The lights are practically off. Besides, I'm not use to other people using my spa,' he said while trying not to look over his shoulder.

'I'm sorry, I didn't know it was off limits. Mrs. Fairfax said I could use the workout room. I thought that included the spa as well.'

He sighed.

'I guess we are just going to have to set up a schedule so we can both exercise without being in each other's way.'

'Sounds good to me.'

'Come see me tonight in my study, 8 o'clock. We'll work out a schedule then,' he said as walked out of the room.

'Wait, Mr. Rochester,' I yelled.

He stopped and backed into the doorway.

'Yes, Miss Eyre?'

'Don't leave. I'm finished if you would still like to use the spa.'

Mr. Rochester waited in equipment room as I toweled off and put on my clothes. When I went to tell him that the spa was all his I noticed him staring at the heavy punching bag. He must have seen my reflection in the huge mirrored wall because he whipped around and stared at me. His eyes were blazing again and his body was rigid. I had the feeling he was about to tell me off. It was my guess that he really didn't want to share his workout room with me, but was trying to control his temper.

'The spa is all yours, Mr. Rochester. Enjoy,' I said as sweetly as could before walking towards the door. I felt his eyes follow my every move.

'I will, Miss Eyre,' he grumbled.

I went up the back stairs and ran into Grace Poole, Mr. Rochester's personal assistant. I expect that I will see much more of her now that he has returned. My dealings with her were usually brief because she wasn't the friendliest person in the world, and she made me really nervous. Mrs. Poole was always hiding around corners it seemed, waiting to jump out at me, or sneaking up behind me when I least expected it. She has very quiet footsteps so I never hear her. I don't like to be startled, and in some weird way I think she gets off on it. She also has this very odd laugh that seems to echo in the hall at odd hours of the night. Mrs. Fairfax says Grace is a peculiar sort of person, but she means well, and has been a great help to Mr. Rochester in the four months that she has been here. I guess I will just have to take her word for it because she really does creep me out. As I passed Mrs. Poole I nodded my head, said a polite hello, and walked away as quickly as I could.

After a nice hot shower, a very filling dinner, and a walk, I went to see Mr. Rochester. The huge grandfather clock in the hall chimed eight times, so I knocked on the study door.

'Come in.'

I walked in the room, and saw Mr. Rochester had turned his chair away from the fireplace, He was looking at my portfolio while Adele stood next to him and looked over his arm.

'Where did you get that?' I asked, feeling like I had been violated.

Adele looked up at me.

'You left in in the library, Miss Eyre. I thought Uncle Edward would like to see your pictures. They are really good.'

I walked over to them and Mr. Rochester looked up.

'I cannot believe I am about to say this, but I agree with Adele. You have a really good eye.'

I blushed. I am not use to compliments on my photographs.

'How do you choose your subject matter?' he asked while looking at a black and white picture of a cracked and weathered headstone against a dark and stormy sky. 'This one is quite ominous.'

'I just walk around with my camera, and take a picture when I see something that moves me.'

'What were you thinking when you took this picture?'

'I was wondering if the family of the person buried there still lives in the area.'

'Family is important to you. Isn't it.'

'Especially when you have none,' I said as I touched my locket.

Mr. Rochester continued looking at the photos. When he got to a really cool picture of the North Tower that I took using a zoom lens he stopped and fixated on it.

'Doesn't that look like a face!' Adele exclaimed as she pointed to a window high up the tower.

'Can I see?' I asked as I took the book in my hands. 'That's funny. I never noticed it before,' I laughed.

Mr. Rochester took the portfolio from my hands.

'It's probably a shadow or a dirty spot on the window that got distorted when you used a high powered zoom lens. You did use a high powered zoom lens in order to get that shot, right?' he asked sounding a bit nervous.

'I certainly did.'

Before we could look at more of my work, Mr. Rochester abruptly put the portfolio down.

'Time for Adele to go to bed, Miss Eyre.'

'But Uncle Edward, I want to stay up and see more pictures!' she pleaded.

'It's getting late. Besides you have school tomorrow.'

Adele went to kiss Mr. Rochester's cheek. He flinched and waved his hand in the air.

'Off with you, now.'

'Good night, Mr. Rochester,' I said as I followed Adele out of the room.

'Good night, Miss Eyre.'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Over the next few days Mr. Rochester seemed to be busy with business meetings. There were always men in business suits coming and going. Sometimes they would stay for dinner, and on those nights I would help Mrs. Fairfax in the kitchen. The meals that she prepared were never gourmet, but they were always cooked with love, and I think Mr. Rochester and his guests appreciated that. Mrs. Fairfax told me over a big pot of chili one night that when he is at Thornfield, Mr. Rochester prefers comfort food over five star cuisine.

During this time Adele and I saw very little of him. Mr. Rochester never came near the library where I taught Adele, and as far as I knew, he never sent for her in the evenings. Only on occasion did I have a chance meeting with him, and it usually occurred on the main staircase. I would be coming up or going down, and he would be walking in the opposite direction. Sometimes he would brush past me like I didn't even exist, and other times he would stop, smile and make small talk about the weather. His inconsistent demeanor towards me didn't bother me in the least. I just kept remembering what Mrs. Fairfax had said about cutting him some slack.

After a particularly trying day with Adele, (she just couldn't understand why Mr. Rochester didn't want to see her and she took her frustrations out on me!), she was finally summoned to his study. Adele ran up to her room to change her clothes so she could make a grand entrance. And I went up to my room to make sure I was neat and presentable, nothing more, nothing less.

Not surprisingly, I was the first to arrive. The door was open and Mr. Rochester was sitting in front of the fire with a glass of scotch.

'Is that Miss Eyre?'

I didn't know how he knew it was me because he never looked away from the fire.

'Yes, sir. It is.'

'Come over here and sit,' he said as he motioned to the chair that replaced the uncomfortable stool I sat on the night he scolded me.

I walked over and sat in the comfy looking chair.

'We never did set up a schedule for the gym. Do you have time to exercise in the morning or the afternoon?' he asked as the firelight flickered in his eyes.

'Afternoons are best for me.'

'Then it's settled. I'll take mornings and evenings since it is my house after all.' He smiled and took a sip of his scotch. 'See, I'm not such an ogre after all.'

Before I could respond, Adele made her grand entrance wearing a shirt and jeans that she bought with me at the mall paired with some of the accessories Mr. Rochester had brought her back from his travels. She posed in the doorway for a few minutes until he called her in. Adele ran over to his chair.

'Thank you, thank you for the newsboy cap, belt and leather bag, Uncle Edward. No one here will have these until the fall!' she exclaimed as she jumped up and down in front of him.

'Enough! Go sit on the couch and look at a magazine or something,' he said quite sternly.

Adele walked away looking hurt.

'I really like the way you put your outfit together, Adele,' I called out after her. I thought she looked quite stylish.

'Thanks, Miss Eyre,' she said as she flopped on the couch and leafed through a fashion magazine.

Mr. Rochester slumped back in his leather chair and finished off his scotch. I leaned into him,

'How do you know she is going to like what you buy for her? She seems pretty hard to please,' I said while remembering our trip to The Galleria.

He laughed uproariously.

'I just make sure what ever I buy for her is very expensive. Then I know she will love it!'

Mr. Rochester got up abruptly and yelled for Mrs. Fairfax. She met him at the door and he ordered her to go sit with Adele and keep her company. He then poured himself another scotch before returning to his chair by the fire.

'I am not use to talking to children, especially girls. It seems all they are interested in is fashion and boys. Now boys I know something about being that I was one so many years ago,' he smirked. 'But I am totally clueless about fashion as you can tell by looking at me.'

Now let me just say that Mr. Rochester is selling himself short, at least when it comes to what he wears. Whether it be jeans and t-shirts, button down shirts with the sleeves rolled up and casual pants, or custom made suit, Mr. Rochester knows what looks good on his toned, athletic body and clearly dresses to impress.

He leaned in and lowered his voice,

'Maybe you can help me with Adele. I feel that I am not spending enough time with her, but I cannot bear to be alone with her. At least not yet anyway. How about we set up some activities that the three of us can do together until I am more comfortable with her?'

I smiled.

'I think Adele would like that, Mr. Rochester. She really does crave your love and attention.'

'Great, then the three of us will do something together this weekend.'

I didn't have anything else to say, so I sat in silence and looked over at Adele as she read through her magazine. I pictured myself at her age and thought about how different my life was from hers. At nine years old I was shunned by my aunt and cousins, and given poorly fitting, unfashionable hand me downs to wear, while Adele is loved and embraced by Mrs. Fairfax and myself (even Mr. Rochester is going to make an effort to get closer to her!) and is given expensive designer clothes that she tires of as soon as the stores have something new.

I was lost in my contemplative mood until I was disturbed by Mr. Rochester's gruff voice.

'Speak,' he commanded.

I must have shot him a dirty look because he apologized immediately.

'I'm sorry for being rude. You must know by now that I am like that sometimes. Please forgive me. I have a lot on my mind.'

I leaned into him, and looked concerned.

'Is everything alright? Do you want to talk about it? I'm a good listener.'

He chuckled.

'That doesn't that surprise me in the least, Miss Eyre. . . I bet people seek you out just so they can unburden themselves and bask in your God given ability to listen without judgment or pity.'

'How do you know I am capable of that?' I asked sounding a bit surprised.

'There is something in your eyes.'

I blushed and looked down. He laughed and leaned into me.

'Am I making you feel uncomfortable? Don't you know how to take a compliment?'

'I'm not use to compliments. I don't know how to handle them.'

He sat back and studied my countenance.

'That is too bad, Miss Eyre. Just what kind of childhood did you have with no presents and no compliments?' he asked with a look of concern on his face.

Now it was my turn to chuckle.

'Let's just say that the group home that I was placed in wasn't the most nurturing environment in the world.'

'It must not have been because I can tell that you have a real problem opening up to people. Maybe that is why you are such a good listener. You do for others what you really want done for you. . . By the way, when someone gives you a compliment you could say, thank you.'

I looked up into his dark, sexy eyes, and felt butterflies in my stomach.

'Thank you, Mr. Rochester.'

We sat for a while with my green eyes locked into his black ones. I didn't want to look away, but Mr. Rochester nervously threw back some scotch and said jokingly,

'Enough about you. Now where was I. . . my past. It seems that when I am not engaged in some useful activity, dark thoughts cloud my mind. When I was your age I knew nothing of pain and despair, but now that I am thirty-eight, I feel as if I have had enough to last for a lifetime. And what I regret the most is. . . it was all my own doing. I can't blame anyone else but myself. Not bad luck or interference from others, only myself.'

'I'm sorry to hear that.'

He looked into my eyes again, and a sexy smile appeared on his lips.

'Coming from anyone else that would be taken as pity, and I hate pity. But coming from you, well, it just makes me want to open up even more.'

I leaned in so he could continue talking without Mrs. Fairfax or Adele overhearing.

'Now don't get me wrong, I haven't killed anyone or swindled little old ladies out of their life savings. Heck, I haven't even kicked a dog, but none the less, I'm ashamed of myself. I should have known better. I was old enough to know better. The signs were right in front of me, and I choose to ignore them. . . See,' he said as he leaned back in his chair with an even bigger smile on his face, 'I just can't stop opening up to you. I think when you grow up you should become an psychoanalyst or a therapist.'

I looked confused.

'What's the difference?'

He shrugged his shoulders.

'I'm not quite sure, I think a psychoanalyst gets paid a lot of money to listen to you complain about your life, and interjects only when you make a break through. While a therapist gets paid lots of money, and actually gives you suggestions on how to solve your problems. You would do well in either profession,' he said as he finished off his scotch. 'If I can give you some words of advice to live by, Miss Eyre, since I am twenty years older than you, and have had more life experience, let it be these: Don't do anything that will cause regret because regret is very hard to live with.'

I was very surprised by what he had to say.

'So, you are saying don't take risks? And what about the regret that comes from not doing anything?'

He laughed and shook his head.

'Miss Eyre, you're too smart for your own good! What I mean is, when you have the angel and the devil sitting on your shoulders telling you what to do. Go with the angel. She will never steer you wrong.'

I could have talked with Mr. Rochester for hours, but I heard the grandfather clock in the hall chime ten times. I stood up and was just about to say goodnight when he exclaimed,

'What? Leaving me so soon?'

I motioned towards the sofa.

'It is way past Adele's bed time.'

Mr. Rochester looked over at Adele who was yawning while resting her head on Mrs. Fairfax's shoulder. Mrs. Fairfax's head had fallen back against the top of the sofa. She was snoring quietly.

'I see I've kept you too long, my apologies,' he said as he bowed his head to me.

I smiled at him.

'No apologies necessary. I hope we can finish our conversation at another time.'

'You can bet on it, Miss Eyre. I really do enjoy talking to you. Sweet dreams.'

I gently woke up Mrs. Fairfax before walking Adele up to her room and putting her to bed. She was very tired and didn't object to me not reading to her. After she was tucked in, I went to my room and got myself ready. As I looked in the mirror and brushed my teeth I thought, Mr. Rochester is certainly a very troubled man. I feel for him. It is a shame that he wasn't able to make amends with his brother before he died.

I then crawled into bed and tried to fall asleep, but every time I closed my eyes I saw Ed flirting with me at the bar. I think those feelings of love at first sight may have been on the money after all.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I went down to the kitchen the next morning and found Mrs. Fairfax serving Adele and Mr. Rochester breakfast. You could have knocked me over with a feather because he has never eaten any meal with us since he returned to Thornfield. When he saw me, Mr. Rochester leaned into Adele and said in a stage whisper,

'One, two, three. . .' Then they both said in unison, 'Good morning sleepy head!' Adele giggled.

I sat at the table and smiled,

'Good morning Adele. Mr. Rochester.'

Mrs. Fairfax put a plate full of eggs and toast in front of me and I dug in.

'So, Miss Eyre, what is on the agenda for today?' he asked over the newspaper.

'Teach Adele, go outside, exercise,' I said between bites of toast. 'The usual. How about you, Mr. Rochester?'

'The usual,' he groaned. 'Try to make money in this market, and find ways to keep my greedy partners happy.'

'Sounds like fun,' I said sarcastically.

He laughed, and put down the paper.

'I guess I shouldn't delay the inevitable anymore. I'm off to put my nose to the grindstone. See you later, Adele,' he said as he leaned in to give her a kiss on the forehead. Adele looked surprised, but I could see that the kiss made her happy. He then looked at me and said with an odd inflection in his voice,

'See you later, Miss Eyre.'

I finished up breakfast quickly and took Adele into the library for her lessons. When I began teaching her three months ago, Adele was performing well below grade level in all subject areas. But now she is steadily making progress. I firmly believe that if we continue on in the way we are, and work diligently through the summer, she will be able to enter the fourth grade in the fall. From what Mrs. Fairfax has told me, Adele's mother was too busy partying to care about her daughter's education which is why she is so far behind in her studies.

Adele was so excited that her uncle had breakfast with her that I had to practically pull her off the ceiling. When she finally calmed down she was able to keep her mind on her work and get a lot accomplished. She really is a smart child and picks up new concepts quickly. It is a shame that her educational needs were not being met until now. Having a good education is very important, more important than having the latest designer clothes. I just hope Adele will realize that someday.

Eleven-thirty rolled around and I was really impressed with how hard she had worked on her studies, so I told her that if she ate a proper lunch we would go into town for a treat of her choosing. Adele surprised me by actually eating a whole turkey and cheese sandwich, bread included, with a side of carrot sticks. She even drank a huge glass of milk! Who is this girl, and what did she do with Adele? I wondered as I ate my sandwich. Maybe Mr. Rochester should eat breakfast with us more often, I laughed to myself.

Adele was raring to go into town, so we jumped in my car. But wouldn't you know it, the piece of crap wouldn't start. I got out, lifted up the hood, and tried to figure out what was wrong. She was getting impatient as I poked around, and I was getting annoyed. I was just about to yell at her to shut-up, and take a chill pill when I heard,

'Is there anything I can do?'

I turned my head and saw Mr. Rochester standing behind me, smiling. I blushed because I realized I was wearing shorts and bending over into the car. I stood up quickly, almost hitting my head on the raised hood.

'Car won't start.'

'Do you think it is the battery?' he asked as he joined me under the hood.

'No, the radio works, and the windows go up and down.'

'Alternator?'

'It better not be. It was supposed to be replaced before I bought the car.'

'Maybe it's a spark plug.'

Sure enough, Mr. Rochester was right. I needed to replace a spark plug. I was relieved that it was nothing expensive, but I was disappointed that I couldn't take Adele into town for her treat. I was just about to tell her that we couldn't go when he asked,

'So, where were you two going?'

'Into town. I promised Adele a treat for working so hard this morning.'

Mr. Rochester smiled.

'You are in luck, I am heading into town on a errand, so we can all go together. I can even drive you to the auto parts store if you would like.'

'Thanks, Mr. Rochester. That would be a big help.'

Since there were three of us, we took his Mercedes-Benz 563 AMG sedan. Adele sat in the front seat with Mr. Rochester while I sat in the back. As we drove into town I noticed that he kept playing with his rear view mirror. I think he caught me watching him because he said something about the last time he drove this car he used valet parking, and the attendant screwed up the mirror. Mr. Rochester must have finally gotten it where he wanted because he didn't touch it again for the rest of the drive.

When we arrived in town I told Adele she could either go to The Scoop Shop or Common Grounds Cafe. She choose the coffee shop and the three of us went inside. School had just gotten out so Common Grounds was overflowing with students of all ages. We all went up to the counter and ordered. I got an Iced Chi Tea Latte, Adele got an Iced Mocha, and Mr. Rochester got a plain old cup of coffee. The girl behind the counter rang us up and as I was reaching for my wallet, Mr. Rochester handed her a twenty. I turned to him.

'What do you think you are doing?'

He looked surprised.

'It is called paying.'

The girl handed him his change and he turned and walked away. I followed after him.

'But Mr. Rochester, this was my idea. I promised Adele. I should be the one paying!'

'But I tagged along. . . What is the big deal anyway?'

We sat down at a small table.

'I am use to taking care of myself,' I said as I handed him a twenty dollar bill.

He laughed at me.

'You are stubborn, aren't you? Keep your money. You need it. You forget, I know what I pay you!' He slid the twenty back to me and looked me in the eyes. 'Maybe you should let someone else take care of you once in a while.'

I didn't know what to say, so I just sat there, speechless, until I heard Adele's laugh. Mr. Rochester and I looked over in her direction and saw her flirting with boys almost twice her age! He groaned and shook his head.

'She is just like her mother.' He turned back to me. 'Did I ever tell you about Celine?'

I shook my head no.

''Well, for starters her real name is Judi Schmitt, and she is originally from, and I am not making this up, French Lick, Indiana.'

My Iced Chi Tea Latte almost came shooting out of my nose when I heard that.

'Are you alright?' he asked as he handed me a napkin, and looked concerned.

I cleared my throat a few times, and told him to continue. It was at that moment the whole world faded away, and it was just the two of us sitting there. He talked, and I listened.

'She thought that Celine Varens sounded more exotic so she changed her name, and moved to California to try her luck at acting. She got lucky right away it seems, a few bit parts in some big movies. Celine always said she was in the right place at the right time but. . .' He frowned and took a sip of his coffee. 'I wouldn't be surprised if she traded sexual favors for those roles.

'Anyway, my brother Rowland was out in California living the high life on our father's money, making bad decisions, getting into trouble, and I was sent out there to try to straighten him out. When I got there Rowland was up to his eyeballs in debt because some business scheme fell through and he was desperate. I talked to my father and against my better judgment, he bailed him out.' Mr. Rochester's brow furrowed. 'I was furious, I couldn't understand why Rowland could do what ever the hell he pleased while I was expected to be a good boy, and uphold the Rochester family name.

'I was just getting ready to return to New York when Rowland invited me to a big party in Beverly Hills. Not being a social animal like my brother I declined, but somehow he twisted my arm and I went. It was at that party that I met Celine. I walked in and saw her right away. She was surrounded by four very good looking men and she was laughing. Our eyes met, and she walked over to me and introduced herself. From that moment on we were inseparable. I delayed my return to New York indefinitely and we moved in together. It was love at first sight, or so I naively believed.' He paused for a moment and looked embarrassed.

'You see, before I went to California I didn't have a lot of experience with women. I'm not saying that I didn't date, but I never had a serious relationship. I was always studying and trying to live up to my father's expectations of me taking over Pilot Corporation by the time I was thirty.

I interrupted him,

'Pilot Corporation? So you are involved with aeronautics?'

Mr. Rochester laughed heartily.

'No. The corporation was named after my grandfather's dog, Pilot. The story goes that Pilot led my grandfather to the young woman who was to become my grandmother. They were happily married for sixty-five years.'

'That's a nice story. It's very romantic.'

He smiled.

'I think so.' Mr. Rochester took another sip of coffee and continued.

'I was well on my way. I had just completed my MBA and my father was in the process of grooming me until I veered off course. I thought I was in love. Celine was stunning and she had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen until. . .' He paused, and took another sip of coffee.

'Until?' I asked.

It was at that moment Adele came over to the table holding a piece of paper. She then waved at a boy who was leaving the coffee shop.

'What's that Adele?' I asked

'Scott's cell phone number.'

'Oh no you don't young lady!' Mr. Rochester scolded as he took the paper from her hand and tore it up in little pieces. 'How old is he anyway?' he asked while looking out the door.

Adele put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes.

'Uncle Edward, he is only fifteen!'

'And you are only nine years old. Remember that young lady!'

Needless to say we didn't hang around the coffee shop much longer. The drive home was quiet with Adele sulking in the back seat of the car. I was so busy thinking about what Mr. Rochester had told me that I totally forgot about going to the auto parts store. I think Mr. Rochester had a lot on his mind, especially with what happened with Adele because he forgot about his errand, too.

We arrived back at Thornfield and Adele ran to the house without saying a word to either of us. I was going to go after her, but Mr. Rochester stopped me.

'Leave her alone. She'll be fine. . . It looks like it is going to be a nice evening. Do you want to take a walk?'

I nodded and we walked towards the chestnut tree and sat on the ground. He leaned against the enormous trunk, and sighed.

'That girl will be the death of me.'

'Aw come on. It will get better,' I said as I patted his hand.

He looked down at my hand and then into my eyes.

'When.'

I smiled.

'In about fifteen years.'

'I don't think I can wait that long!' he groaned

We sat quietly under the tree for a few minutes. It didn't matter to me if we said anything else because I was in love and just being near him was all I needed. I never wanted to move from that spot again. Unfortunately, he still wanted to talk about Celine.

'Celine and I played house and I gave her everything she wanted and then some. I thought we were happy. I was happy. She told me that I was the love of her life. That I was the most handsome man she had ever seen. My ego ate it up. I put her on a pedestal and worshiped her. I wanted to spend every hour of every day with her, but she was busy going on auditions and getting movie parts. I was so proud. My Celine was going to be a huge star. She would go off to the set and I would lay around the house trying to come with ways to please my little starlet. Until I found out that she was having an affair. . . with Rowland.'

'Your brother!? Did he know about you and Celine?' I interjected.

'Yes, he knew. In fact, they had had an on again / off again relationship for years. They seemed to think it was funny that I had no idea what was going on right under my nose.'

I put my hand on his and looked into his sad eyes.

'Mr. Rochester. . . I don't know what to say.'

'There is nothing you can say. . . So I left California, and decided to see the world.'

'What about Adele?'

'After my brother died from a drug overdose, I was going through his personal effects, and found out that he was sending money to Celine on a monthly basis. I contacted her to let her know that the gravy train was ending and she told me that the money Rowland was paying was actually child support. She then informed me that there was a chance that Adele could be my daughter after all because a DNA test was never done, and her love life at the time of Adele's conception was, for lack of a better word, complicated. . . which I already knew.'

Wow! This is just like a soap opera. I thought to myself.

'So I flew out to California immediately, got a DNA test and saw the conditions Adele was living in. Celine always made sure that she and Adele had the very best of everything, but she wasn't sending her to school on a regular basis. Instead, she was taking her to late night parties where the child was exposed to the seedy side of Hollywood. I was afraid she was going to turn into another Lindsay Lohan, so I brought her to Thornfield. The funny thing is, Celine didn't care. I think she was tired of taking care of her. I know she missed the monthly checks though. That is why she quickly married this second rate Hollywood director who is three times her age. I'm sure she is just biding her time until he dies,' he snickered.

I was now gripping his hand tightly.

'And Adele? Is she your daughter?'

'Adele is my niece. Unfortunately, every time I look at her I am reminded of my naiveté, but that doesn't make much difference. She is a Rochester and will be taken care of.'

'That's some story.'

'I couldn't make it up if I tried.'

I looked at Mr. Rochester and for some reason we both started to laugh. I think that this was his way of releasing all of the sadness that had built up inside of him all those years ago. We sat under the tree and laughed till our sides were hurting. When we stopped laughing Mr. Rochester looked over at the Hall.

'For the longest time I didn't consider Thornfield my home but now. . . now I cannot imagine being anywhere else in the world.'

'That's good because Adele would miss you terribly if you left again.'

'Would anyone else miss me terribly?'

'Mrs. Fairfax would.'

Our eyes locked.

'How about you? Would you miss me terribly?' He leaned in as if he was going to kiss me. My heart began racing.

'Of course, Mr. Rochester, I would miss you.'

It's going to happen. He is going to kiss you! my mind screamed.

'I would miss you too, Jane, if I ever went away again because. . . you are like the little sister I always wanted but never had,' he said as he chucked me under the chin.

Little sister?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I couldn't sit under that tree one moment longer, so I blurted out some incoherent excuse and got the hell out of there. As I walked briskly back to the house I kept hearing the words "little sister, little sister" echoing through my head. I felt like I was going to lose my mind. I was so in love with Mr. Rochester but the only affection he had for me was familial in nature. How in the world was I going to continue living here knowing the love I have for him will never be returned? I thought about packing my bags and leaving Thornfield immediately, but then I remembered I had no place to go, not that that would ever stop me. Maybe it would be good for me to leave, I reasoned. I was getting too comfortable here. I was beginning to think of Thornfield as my home.

Thankfully, I didn't run into Mrs. Fairfax or Adele as I entered the Hall. I was not in the mood to talk to anyone, so I barricaded myself in my room, and cried the night away. In between crying jags I did manage to get some sleep, but that sleep was always disturbed by a reoccurring nightmare. Unfortunately for me, it was something that I had already lived through.

The nightmare always takes place when I am eleven years old, and I am being punished. You see, the Reverend Brocklehurst, who ran the group home that I was placed in after my aunt cast me out, hated me. He thought me to be evil because I went against everything he stood for. Now, two of the most important things my parents taught me before they died were to politely question authority, and to stick up for myself. And Brocklehurst didn't like me to do either. He was of the outdated mind set that I should be seen and not heard. That my opinions didn't matter, and that I should be made humble in order to preserve my spirit. Which he tried to accomplish through the deprivation of food and regular beatings.

As I said before I must have pissed him off somehow, and now Brocklehurst had me in his office where he was towering over me, telling me how evil I was for questioning his authority. How no one will ever love me, including God, because I was a trouble maker. That I will spend the rest of my life miserable and alone, and end up in the fiery pits of Hell.

When he was done berating me he had me go over to the closet where I had to get the birch rod and bring it to him. I was made to raise the back of my shirt and bend over a stool where he would strike me hard across my back more times then I cared to remember. When he finished, I was then expected to thank him for trying saving my wicked soul and put the birch rod away.

As I tossed and turned on the bed reliving my hellish childhood, I could feel every smack of the birch as it hit my back like it was happening to me at that moment. I must have cried out loudly because Mr. Rochester burst into my room, busting through the lock on the door. He looked around the room like he expected to see someone hurting me.

'Are you alright, Jane?'

He startled me so I fumbled around for my sheet and sat up.

'No, no, Mr. Rochester. I was just having a bad dream,' I stuttered.

Looking relieved, he sat down on the edge of my bed and wiped my sweaty bangs away from my face.

'A bad dream? Would you like to talk about it?' he asked with a sympathetic look in his eyes.

'Not right now, maybe some other time.'

'Can I get you anything? A glass of water, perhaps?'

What I really wanted him to do was take me in his arms and tell me that he loved me, but I knew that was never going to happen.

'No, I'm fine. I think I will just try and go back to sleep.'

He put his hand on my shoulder.

'Good idea. Good night, Jane.'

'Good night, Mr. Rochester, and thank you.'

'Thank you? For what?'

'For coming to see if I was alright.'

He smiled at me and I expected him to get up and return to his room, but he didn't move. He just sat on my bed like he wanted to say something else, but nothing came out of his mouth. His eyes on the other hand looked deep into my soul and all of the despair that I was feeling quickly melted away. I could see that there was something he wanted to tell me, but he couldn't, not right now anyway. I knew at that moment I needed to stick around Thornfield and see what he had to say. As the butterflies fluttered around in my stomach, he abruptly broke our gaze and headed for the door. Just as his hand touched the doorknob he turned around, and said,

'Sorry about your lock. I'll have it fixed in the morning,' before making his way down the hall.

God how I wanted him to stay!

Mr. Rochester was as good as his word. In the morning, while I was in the library teaching Adele, a locksmith was brought in and the old lock was repaired. He even went so far as to tell Mrs. Fairfax that I had been having trouble with the lock because he assumed, and rightfully so, that I didn't want her to know about my nightmare.

Since I missed breakfast because I overslept, and Mr. Rochester didn't have lunch with Adele and I due to a business meeting, I hadn't seen him to thank him again. And I know Adele missed spending time with him today because she had a real problem concentrating on her studies in the afternoon. All she kept thinking about was seeing Uncle Edward at dinner, so I decided to end her lesson early because we were getting nothing done. Adele went off to find her uncle, and I went to go blow off some steam.

It was raining, and I couldn't go for a walk, so I decided to put on my workout clothes and head down to the gym. I skipped the machines and weights, and went right to the heavy punching bag. I put on my gloves, pictured Brocklehurst's face on the bag and went to town. Punch, punch, punch, kick. . . Punch, punch, kick, kick. . . Punch, kick, punch, kick. When I glanced over at the mirrored wall I saw Mr. Rochester standing in the doorway wearing a t-shirt and shorts.

'Hope that's not me you're picturing as you attack the bag,' he joked as he walked towards me.

I stopped what I was doing, and laughed.

'No, it's not you.'

'I know this is your workout time, but I had a really bad morning and I need to get rid of some stress. Do you mind if I join you?'

'Not at all, Mr. Rochester. This is your gym after all,' I smiled.

Mr. Rochester went to the weight bench and I returned to attacking Brocklehurst. As usual, I got lost in my workout, so I didn't notice him watching me. My trance like state was soon interrupted.

'Where did you learn how to fight like that?'

'I took a self defense course two years ago and was so empowered by it that I signed up for a kick boxing class,' I said as I kicked the bag.

He got off the bench and walked over to me.

'I don't know if I said this before, but I was very impressed with how you handled yourself that night at the bar. I was going to come to your aid, but you didn't need my help at all. You certainly do know how to take care of yourself.'

I stopped punching the bag and turned to face him. I was breathing hard.

'You seem surprised that I can, Mr. Rochester. Why is that so shocking to you?'

He shrugged.

'I don't know. Most of the women I know don't seem to be able to do anything for themselves. They rely on their parents, or boyfriends, or husbands for practically everything.'

I punched the bag again.

'Maybe you need to get to know some self-reliant women. They are out there you know and they are not hard to find, if you know where to look,' I teased.

He laughed at me.

'I know, one landed on my doorstep. . . Can I hold the bag for you?'

I smiled at him.

'That would be great, thanks.'

Mr. Rochester held it steady for me and I punched and kicked my heart out. As I moved around the bag he noticed the scar on my back when it was reflected on the mirrored wall.

'What is that on your lower back?'

'Oh, that. . . that is a permanent reminded of my childhood,' I said as I gave the bag one last swift kick.

He came around from the bag and stood behind me.

'Do you want to talk about it?' he asked as he gently ran his finger across the scar.

I shuddered inwardly and felt like I was going to faint. When I regained my composure, I sat on an exercise ball. I guess now is as good a time as any, I thought to myself.

'After my parents died I was placed in a group home run by the holier than thou Reverend Brocklehurst. On the outside, it looked like a great place to live, as far as group homes go. In fact, he was given many awards and citations by the State of New York. However, once the social workers left, he showed his true colors. The money that he was given from state was not spent on us, but on his wife and daughters. They would always come around in the latest and greatest clothes and cars while we barely had enough clothes to keep us warm in the winter, and enough food to keep us alive.

'He also loved to terrorize me and this other girl Helen Burns. Helen was a very religious child who was a little clumsy and easily distractible. I think she had Attention Deficit Disorder or something. But instead of getting her tested to see if she needed medication or changes in her diet, he would slap her hand with a ruler when she spilled on her clothing or wasn't paying attention. One time he slapped her hand so hard that the ruler broke, and pieces of it got embedded in her palm. She was denied medical attention because he didn't want anyone to know what he was doing and her hand got so infected that it was almost amputated.'

Mr. Rochester shook his head.

'I had no idea, Jane.'

'Yeah well, there's more. . .'

I went on to tell him what had happened to me. How I was beaten with a birch rod on a regular basis. Too regular of a basis it seems because one of the wounds didn't have time to heal properly and when I was beaten again my body protected itself by creating scar tissue.

'Do you want to hear something strange?' I asked looking directly at him.

'What, Jane.'

'I'm not embarrassed by the scar. . . I think of it as a badge of courage. I survived things that no child should ever have to go through. So, when I am down in the dumps about how my life isn't going the way I want, I remember my scar and know that I am a survivor and that things will eventually turn around.'

When I was done talking, I saw that Mr. Rochester was taken aback by what I had to say.

'Jane, I don't know what to say except that you are absolutely amazing! I wish I had your strength and inner peace. I don't know how you do it.'

'I just remember what Helen always said, 'Trust in God. He'll never put you in a situation that you won't be able to handle.'

'Those are some important words to live by. . . Whatever happened to Helen?'

'I don't know. When Brocklehurst was finally arrested on ten counts of endangering the welfare of a child and embezzlement, we were separated. I hope she ended up in a good group home.'

'Where did you end up?'

'I went to live with a Ms. Temple for two years. She is a loving and nurturing woman who helped me get my GED, and encouraged me to apply to college. Ms. Temple even helped me with the scholarship applications and helped me find this job to tide me over until the fall. I'm still waiting to see if the money comes through.'

'What will you do if it doesn't?'

I shrugged my shoulders.

'I don't know. Get a new job and start the whole process over, I guess.'

'A smart, amazing woman like you? They would be crazy not to throw money at you,' he smiled.

I laughed.

'Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mr. Rochester.'

'Anytime, Jane.' Mr. Rochester then looked at his watch. 'Are you going to use the spa?'

'No, I think I will just go upstairs and shower.'

He stood up.

'Good. Go freshen up and meet me in the driveway. I have something I want to show you.'

I ran up the back stairs, took a quick shower and dressed. What could he possible have to show me? I wondered as I walked through the kitchen. As soon as I walked out the back door I saw a black Mercedes-Benz SL550 Roadster parked in the driveway. Mr. Rochester was standing next to it.

'Did you buy a new car?' I asked as I walked over to admire the hot looking convertible.

He smiled.

'No, my dealer likes to tempt me with the new models. Dave drops them off so I can test drive them at my leisure. He thinks I'm easy. . . Think fast,' he said as he tossed my the key ring. 'Would you like to take it for a spin?'

I caught it with one hand.

'Me?! I don't know, Mr. Rochester. What if something happens?'

'Nothing is going to happen. Trust me, I won't let it!' he laughed.

So I started up the car and we headed out of driveway.

'Where should we go?'

'Bear Mountain by way of Tarrytown.' There are some great driving roads along the way.'

Not knowing the area well I assumed that it was close by. But I was wrong. Bear Mountain was well over an hour away, but it was definitely worth the drive. We followed Route 9 north to Route 6, which took us along cliffs high above the Hudson River. We then crossed the Bear Mountain Bridge, which, according to Mr. Rochester, was the prototype for the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, and drove around Bear Mountain State Park. Then we got back on Route 9W north to Route 218 for a winding, mountain-hugging drive with scenic overlooks of the Hudson Valley.

It was an amazing drive, and I was with an amazing man, and I was driving an amazing car. I was having so much fun that I didn't want this night to end. As we were working our way back to Thornfield we realized that neither of us had eaten, so we stopped at a rest area and had a late dinner catered from a vending machine. I was afraid to eat in the car because, knowing me, I would probably spill something on the upholstery, so we sat on top of a picnic table and ate our dinner under the stars.

'So, how do you like the car?' he asked with a mouth full of Cheetos.

'Honestly?. . . It's freakin' awesome! I've never driven anything with so much power and control before. I don't think I am ever going to want to drive my Honda again!' I laughed.

Mr. Rochester laughed at me.

'Yeah, once you drive a great car nothing else measures up.'

'I guess I am just going to have to start playing the lottery. How much does that car go for anyway?'

'Base price? Around 92,000.'

I was shocked.

'92,000?! You could buy a condo for that much!'

'Or go to college,' he added. What do you want to major in?'

'I was going to be a teacher, but after driving this car I think I am going to major in business!'

'Whatever major you choose, I know you will do well. Adele has come a long way in a short amount of time. I really think she will be ready for the forth grade in the fall. . . By the way, I've come up with an activity for us. You know, so I can spend more time with her.'

I took a bite of my crackers with peanut butter.

'What is it?'

His eyes glittered and he smiled a thousand watt smile.

'Camping!'

I snorted.

'I don't mean to be rude but. . . seriously, have you met Adele? I don't think she would like roughing it in the wilderness!'

He laughed again.

'Jane, we would be roughing it in our backyard, with air mattresses, a campfire, and s'mores. What do you think?'

'She might actually enjoy herself,' I said, but I was really thinking, no freakin' way! 'I'll let you in on a little secret, Mr. Rochester.' I kiddingly looked around like I was seeing if anyone was listening to us. 'I have never had a s'more!'

He feigned looking shocked and appalled.

'Never had a s'more?! Well then, this Saturday you will and I know you will just love them.'

'How do you know I will?' I teased.

'Graham crackers, toasted marshmallow and chocolate, what's not to love?. . . Come on, let's get home,' he said as he jumped off the table and held out his hand.

I placed my small hand in his large one and he helped me off of the table, not that he needed to. I wasn't sitting that far off of the ground. We walked back to the car together.

'Think fast,' I said as I threw him the key ring. 'It's your turn. Why should I be the only one having fun?'

Mr. Rochester didn't answer me. He just smiled, opened my door, waited for me to get in, closed it, went around the other side and got in. We didn't talk much on the way home. We just sat in comfortable silence, occasionally glancing at each other and smiling. When we arrived back at Thornfield Hall, I thanked him profusely for the wonderful evening and went up to my room.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Mr. Rochester told Adele about the camp out and Saturday couldn't come quick enough. I was really surprised that she would want to sleep outside, but she did and I was happy for him. I'm glad it's not just the presents she loves. She really does seem to love the man behind them as well.

Saturday finally arrived and Mr. Rochester spent the whole day in the backyard trying to put up the new tent he bought. I had a good laugh at his expense as I watched from my bedroom window. He had the directions out and all of the poles and such lying on the grass, but he just couldn't figure out how to put everything together. He spent most of the day scratching his head and I assume, swearing. I was just about to go to his aid when Adele went over to try and help him out. It looked like her uncle thanked her and then told her to stand back. As she watched him struggle with the tent canvas she picked up the directions. Wouldn't you know it, after looking at the directions only once, Adele began to assemble the tent with minimal assistance from him. Mr. Rochester just stood back with a huge smile on his face. I think he was pleasantly surprised to find out that she had other talents besides talking on the phone and shopping.

When I came out at seven o'clock, the tent was fully assembled and staked sturdily into the ground. Adele gave me the grand yet brief tour. The inside was furnished with air mattresses adorned with pink and purple furry pillows courtesy of her room. She had run a long orange extension cord from the house so she could plug in her two retro lava lamps which were projecting neat patterns on the sides of the tent. And she hung a small disco ball from the ceiling that I was sure Mr. Rochester was going to hit his head on at least once tonight. The tent certainly looked groovy and she was very proud of herself. I hugged her and whispered in her ear,

'Great job.'

'Who is ready for s'mores?' Her uncle asked from outside the tent.

'Me, I am!' Adele yelled as she ran from the tent.

I took another quick look around, chuckled to myself and followed her out.

Mr. Rochester looked surprised to see me.

'Jane, I was just about to send Adele to the house for you. What do you think of the tent?' he asked while rolling his eyes at me.

'I think it is really groovy, man!'

He laughed.

'I cannot believe how this current generation is so enamored with that time period.'

I tried to sound intelligent.

'To the innocent the late sixties / early seventies looked like all fun and games with outrageous clothing, great music, and free love but. . .'

Mr. Rochester laughed, and got right up in my face.

'And what do you know about free love?'

I blushed and stuttered,

'I only know what I've seen on tv, and read about in books.'

He was about to say something else to me when Adele interrupted,

'Uncle Edward, I cannot find the Hershey bars!'

A sexy smirk appeared on his face as he looked back at me. He then walked over to the bag of food.

'I guess we left them in the kitchen, Adele. Would you go and see if they are there?'

She took off for the house and Mr. Rochester went over to stoke the fire. He didn't say anything more to me, he just played around with the wood. I guess he thought the fire needed more because he turned around to get some, and that was when his shirt tail fluttered over the flames and caught on fire. The shirt must have been made of cotton because it went up fast. He didn't have time to know he was in danger.

Thank God Mr. Rochester had the foresight to have a pail of water near by in case of an emergency. Without thinking, I picked it up and dumped it on his back. The shock of being drenched with water startled him.

'What the hell are you doing, Jane? That water is for an emergency!'

'But it was an emergency, Mr. Rochester. You're shirt was on fire!'

'What?' he asked as he quickly removed his over shirt and stared at the burn marks. He looked shocked. 'Thank God you were here. If I had been alone I could have really gotten hurt!' His voice and countenance softened, 'How can I ever repay you, Jane?'

I was still a bit shaken up.

'There is nothing to repay. I'm just glad I was here to help you.'

He shook his head.

'You are just glad that you were here? Come on, Jane. You saved me from an excruciating trip to the hospital. Stop being so modest. Can I at least give you a hug?'

The butterflies began flying around in my stomach. I could barely get the words out,

'A hug would be great.'

He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me into his body. My head rested comfortably on his chest like it was meant to be there. I was in heaven and never wanted him to let go of me. Mr. Rochester then took a step back, and I lifted up my face to smile at him. He leaned into me and kissed my forehead, and it looked like he was going to kiss me on the lips as well when I heard,

'I found the Hershey bars, Uncle Edward!'

We let go of each other and separated quickly. Adele didn't seem to notice.

'You are just in time, Adele. I think the fire is ready,' he said while going towards the house to change his wet clothes.

When he came back I watched him and Adele go to work on making the s'mores. They seemed to have it down to a science. She was in charge of the assembly and he was in charge of the cooking. Not only did Mr. Rochester toast the marshmallows, but he also put the graham cracker with the chocolate on a very thin pan over the fire so the chocolate could melt a bit. When the s'mores were ready, Adele served me first.

'Here you are, Miss Eyre. Enjoy!'

'Thank you, Adele. It looks delicious,' I said before taking a bite. The mix of the crunchy graham cracker, the soft, gooey chocolate and the toasted marshmallow was delicious, but very messy. In a relatively short amount of time I had chocolate along with sticky marshmallow all over my fingers. Not wanting good food to go to waste and not seeing any napkins around, I began licking and sucking my fingers clean. I was so engrossed in my delicious activity I didn't notice right away that Mr. Rochester was watching me with a huge smile on his face. I looked up and blushed,

'What?'

He put his finger to the side of his mouth.

'You have some chocolate on your face.'

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

'Did I get it?' I asked as I leaned into him.

'No, let me,' he said as he put the fingers of his right hand under my chin and ran his thumb gently across my lower lip to the other side of my mouth. 'That's better,' he said as he pulled his hand away from my face.

I couldn't speak or move. I didn't know what to think or do, so I just sat there like an idiot.

'Jane, would you like another s'more?. . . Jane?'

'Miss Eyre, Uncle Edward is talking to you.'

I was lost in my own little word.

'What? S'more? Sure.'

We continued eating s'mores until we couldn't move. It is amazing how easily they go down, but then they sit in your stomach like a ton of bricks afterwards. I stretched out on the ground, groaned, and rubbed my belly.

'I can see the headline now after they find my body: Death by S'mores!'

Mr. Rochester laughed and mumbled under his breath,

'Bet I can think of a better way to go!'

I didn't have time to respond because Adele chimed in looking like she was bored.

'What are we going to do now, Uncle Edward?'

He turned to her.

'Well, we can either sing songs, or tell scary stories. Which would you rather do?'

'Sing songs! Sing songs!' she yelled as she jumped up and down.

Mr. Rochester turned to me and I sat up.

'I don't suppose you know any campfire songs, Jane.'

'No, Brocklehurst didn't teach us any,' I joked as I took a drink of water.

He laughed.

'And the only ones I know are not appropriate for young girl's ears.'

I moved the bottle of water away from my mouth.

'Why Mr. Rochester, I'm shocked! Were you a naughty boy scout?' I teased.

He leaned into me and smiled wickedly.

'You have no idea, Jane.' He then turned back to Adele, 'What song would you like to sing?'

'How about U + UR Hand by Pink?'

I almost dropped my water bottle.

'I don't think that's appropriate, Adele. Choose something else.'

Mr. Rochester looked at me.

'Am I missing something?'

I chuckled,

'I'll download it for you later.'

Adele chose another pop song that I didn't know and sang it like she was on stage at Madison Square Garden, complete with dance moves. She is quite the little performer, but I don't think her uncle appreciated her performance as much as I did.

When she was finished it was time for a scary story. We gathered around the camp fire and Mr. Rochester told her a story of a very spoiled rich girl who woke up one morning, and when she went to her closet, all of her expensive designer clothes were turned into. . . discount brands! Adele wasn't amused and rolled her eyes, but he thought it was hysterical. I just sat there and shook my head at the two of them.

Glancing at my watch I saw that it was getting late, so I stood up and was just about to say goodnight when Adele asked,

'Aren't you sleeping in the tent? There is plenty of room.'

'I hadn't planned on it, Adele, but thank you for the offer.'

'Please, Miss Eyre. Sleep out here with us!' she begged.

I looked over at Mr. Rochester, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

'I'll only stay until you are asleep. OK?'

We all went into the tent and I laid down on the air mattress with Adele between me and Mr. Rochester.

'Good night, Uncle Edward,' she said as she snuggled up against me.

'Good night, Adele and good night to you, Jane,' he said over her.

'Good night, Adele. Sweet dreams, Mr. Rochester.'

Now, I only expected to lay there until Adele was asleep, but I must have fallen asleep too, because I had the weirdest dream. I dreamed that Mr. Rochester and I were sitting in front of the fire, eating s'mores. His fingers were covered in chocolate, so he rubbed the chocolate over my lips and kissed them clean. Being just a messy as him, I decided to return the favor by straddling his lap and putting some chocolate on his neck, so I could lick it off. Not wanting to be outdone, he unzipped my hoodie and let it fall down my shoulders a bit, so he could spread chocolate in my cleavage, and then clean me up with his tongue. When my chest was clean he went back to kissing my mouth and neck. After making out in this fashion for about twenty minutes he said breathlessly,

'Let's go inside the tent.'

I stood up, pulled my hoodie over my shoulders, took his outstretched hand and followed him. When we got inside, the lava lamps, disco ball, furry pillows and air mattresses were gone. In their place were candles, rose petals, and a bed with silk sheets. He took a quick look around and said,

'Aren't fantasies great, Jane!'

I didn't know what he was getting at, so I naively asked,

'What do you mean?'

He smiled at me.

'All I have to do is snap my fingers and I get what I want.'

I laughed at him.

'I don't believe you.'

Mr. Rochester snapped his fingers and the next thing I knew I was standing by the bed naked as the day I was born. I looked down and was immediately self conscious, so I tried to cover myself up the best I could. He laughed at me.

'Jane, this is a fantasy! Don't be shy, everyone looks amazing.'

I smiled,

'Oh really!' and snapped my fingers. Now Mr. Rochester was standing before me in all of his glory. He wasn't kidding. He did look amazing with nothing on!

Mr. Rochester then took me in his arms and began kissing my neck. He talked between the kisses.

'Fantasy sex is the best, Jane. There are no rude bodily noises. No one has any inhibitions. All women are multi orgasmic. Men can go all night without the help of Viagara. . .'

I stopped him for a moment.

'Mr. Rochester. . . do you need Viagara?'

He looked shocked and shook his head.

'No!. . . No, Jane! I was just speaking in generalizations. Besides, call me Edward.'

I breathed a quick sigh of relief and let him continue.

'In fact, I can make you have a orgasm by just looking at you in a certain way.'

I gasped.

'Prove it!'

He lifted up his head and looked deep into my eyes. At first I felt nothing but the butterflies flying around in my stomach, but then they headed south very quickly and I began to feel warm. I could feel their fluttering wings going down lower and lower in my body. When they couldn't get any lower they circled me faster and faster until they flew back up my body at lightening speed. Before I knew it I was crying out his name and falling back on the bed. Edward caught me and stood me up. He waited for me to regain some composure before he spoke again. His eyes twinkled in the candlelight.

'So?'

I was still breathing heavily.

'That was amazing! You've obviously done this before.'

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

'Well, I don't like to brag but. . . what are you going to do for me?' he asked as he gently guided me down on the bed. I was just about to begin pleasuring him when. . .

I opened my eyes and it was morning. The sun was up and the birds were singing. I blinked my eyes a few times, realized that I was in the tent and someone was spooning me. At first I thought it was Adele, but that would be impossible I thought as I felt something pressing into my bottom! I carefully glanced over my shoulder and saw Mr. Rochester laying behind me. His arm was wrapped possessively around my waist.

I couldn't move. I didn't want to move, so I just laid there enjoying his breath on my neck, his warmth against my back and his, you know, pressing into my bottom. He continued on sleeping for about ten more glorious minutes until I heard him exclaim,

'Oh, shit!' as he rolled away from me. He then cleared his throat, 'I mean, good morning, Jane. Did you sleep well?' he added as he pulled the covers over him.

I giggled to myself, and tried to act like I didn't notice how uncomfortable he was.

'Never better and you?'

He scratched his head.

'Really well. But I had a very strange dream.'

'Yeah? Me too!. . . Must have been all of the s'mores.' I looked around the tent. 'Where is Adele?'

'I don't know. I was just about to ask you the same question.'

Then, as if on cue, Adele walked in.

'Wake up, sleepy heads. Breakfast is ready in the kitchen!'

I got off the air mattress.

'Come, Adele, let's go inside. I am starving,' I said as I led her out of the tent in order to give Mr. Rochester some privacy.

When we were almost at the house I asked,

'When did you go inside?'

'About one o'clock, I couldn't sleep.' She stopped walking and put her hands on her hips. 'I hope you know that the both of you are really noisy sleepers. It was like you two were talking to each other all night. All I kept hearing was "Oh, Jane!" and "Oh, Edward!" but you two never said anything else. By the way, when did you start calling Uncle Edward by his first name, Miss Eyre?'

I blushed and began walking briskly to the Hall. I didn't know what to say, so I pretended like I didn't hear her.

'What did Mrs. Fairfax make for breakfast?' I asked, trying to change the subject.

Adele ran after me.

'French toast with scrambled eggs.'

We sat down to breakfast and I was secretly waiting for Mr. Rochester to join us, but he never did. Mercifully, Adele never brought up the subject of me and her uncle again. When I was finished with my food I went up to my room and ran a bath. As I was taking off my clothes I noticed that my panties were on inside out. That is really strange, I thought as I lowered myself into the tub.

While I relaxed in the warm water, my mind started playing tricks on me. What if your dream wasn't a dream after all? You heard what Adele said. I shook my head violently. No! Nothing happened last night. I think I would remember Mr. Rochester giving me an orgasm. Besides he thinks of me only as a little sister. No, he doesn't you idiot! my mind screamed. He is always saying that he wants to spend more time with Adele, but he is really spending more time with you! That hug and kiss he gave you last night was not the kind you give your little sister. And when he got the chocolate off of your face, give me a break! Wake up, Jane, he is in love with you!

Oh my God! I thought as I sunk down into the water. Mr. Rochester is in love with me!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Not one to rest on her laurels, I jumped out of the tub and then ran around my room like a chicken with her head cut off looking for something appropriate to wear. As I picked through my meager clothing I thought, what does one wear to confess her love to her employer? A ball gown? A sexy negligee? Nothing but a smile? I didn't have the first two and thought the third was a tad premature. So I quickly decided on jeans and a fitted v-neck t-shirt over my push-up Wonderbra that was bought for special occasions, (if this isn't a special occasion then I don't know what is!), and went to look for Mr. Rochester.

I didn't get very far down the hall when I ran into Mrs. Poole. She was heading in the opposite direction, but she stopped to talk to me.

'I heard about Mr. Rochester's little incident last night. Good thing you were there to help him. Who knows what kind of damage could have been done if you didn't keep your wits about you.'

I was surprised she knew about it.

'It was pretty scary. Luckily the only damage to Mr. Rochester was a burnt shirt.'

'Yes, but it could have been much worse. I don't know what we would do if anything bad happened to him. Many people depend on Mr. Rochester to take care of them. He really needs to be more careful. It's not only his life that hangs in the balance.'

Now she was creeping me out.

'You're being rather dark, Mrs. Poole. It was an accident after all and he is fine. I wouldn't worry about it so much.'

'Easy for you to say, Miss Eyre,' she said cryptically as she began to walk away.

'What is that suppose to mean?' I called out after her.

She turned back and stood nose to nose with me.

'Nothing, but I would watch your back as well. Accidents do happen as we all saw last night.'

Without another word she turned and walked down the hall. I didn't know what to make of my conversation with Mrs. Poole, but I had bigger fish to fry. I was on my way to tell Mr. Rochester that I loved him!

I ran down the stairs and made a beeline for his study. The door was closed so I knocked. I didn't get an answer so I knocked harder thinking that he didn't hear me. Still no answer. I tried the door knob and opened the door. The lights were off and he wasn't in there. I stood in the doorway scratching my head. If he is not in his office where could he be? His bedroom!

I ran back up the stairs and down the hall to his room. The door was ajar, so I peeked inside. I didn't see him anywhere, but I did see his huge bed. I walked over to the side of it, bent down, and smelled one of the pillows. It was obvious that the bedding hadn't been changed because it still smelled faintly of him. I wanted to lay on the bed and inhale his manly fragrance all day, but I quickly realized the sooner I spoke to him, the sooner I would be able to smell him first hand. Before I left his room, I did check his bathroom just to make sure I didn't miss him. But still no Mr. Rochester.

As I walked back down the hall I was really getting frustrated. I had something very important to say and I wanted, no, I needed to say it. I was just about to scream "I love you Mr. Rochester!" at the top of my lungs when I saw Mrs. Fairfax go out the front door with a watering can.

I raced back down the stairs and out the door. She had not gotten far, but I was all out of breath when I reached her. I think I startled her.

'Jane, what on earth is the matter? You look like a crazy woman.'

I could barely speak.

'Mr. Rochester. . . where is . . . Mr. Rochester?'

She gave me that grandmotherly look and put her hand on my shoulder.

'Calm down, Jane. Is there anything I can do?'

'No, I really need Mr. Rochester!' In more ways than one! I laughed to myself.

Mrs. Fairfax began to water the flowers by the walkway.

'I'm sorry, dear, Mr. Rochester is gone.'

I panicked, but tried to act calm.

'Gone?. . . You mean for the day. He will be back later, right?'

'No, Jane. He had a business emergency. Some client is giving him a hard time, so he had to leave right away and try and fix it.'

'But he will come home when he is done.'

'I don't think so. He said something about staying in the city with his old friend Charles Eshton for a while. I'm sure we won't be seeing Mr. Rochester for a good long time. When he gets together with Charles and his other friends they can be together for weeks on end.' She sighed, 'It must be nice not to have any family commitments. Mr. Rochester is the only one in his circle with a child, and she is only his niece. And none of his friends are married, at least not yet anyway.' She stopped watering the flowers and looked at me. 'Can I tell you something in the strictest of confidence, Jane? I secretly wait for the day that Mr. Rochester tells me that he and Blanche Ingram are to be married!'

My mouth dropped.

'Married? What? To whom?'

'Blanche Ingram. Mr. Rochester has known her for years. She is an old family friend. They have had an on again / off again romantic relationship for as long as I can remember. Lately it has been off more than it has been on, but I think once he sees her again he will come to his senses and finally ask her to be his wife.'

I felt like Mrs. Fairfax was stabbing me in the heart.

'She is really beautiful.'

'Who?'

'Blanch Ingram! Jane, haven't you been listening to a single word I've said?'

Unfortunately, I had been listening to every word! I felt the knife turn in my chest as Mrs. Fairfax continued.

'She is a tall and stunningly beautiful woman. She has wavy, silky black hair that falls about half way down her back. Her eyes are large and brilliant, just like Mr. Rochester's. And her smile, why it lights up the whole room.' She chuckled, 'I bet she could have been a model her body is so perfect. It is like God picked up a chisel and carved her out of marble with his own two hands. Rumor has it that Hugh Hefner himself actually called her and asked, no, begged her to pose nude in Playboy. But she, being the lady that she is, respectfully declined.'

I didn't know what to say. I felt like I was going to cry.

'And just think how gorgeous their children would be! Now I know that most people don't consider Mr. Rochester to be handsome, but I think he is quite good looking in a unconventional sort of way. What he lacks in looks, Blanche certainly makes up and then some.

'I just can't wait to see him get married. He needs someone in his life who can love him for who he is and not for all of his money. He is a really good man you know. And she is a good woman. She does a lot of charity work and has been all over the world.' Mrs. Fairfax sighed again. 'I just want to see him happy. He had been quite miserable until lately. In fact, I've never seen him so happy or attentive towards Adele! Maybe a marriage proposal has been in the works for a while! I bet that is why he couldn't wait to get this business matter settled.'

I couldn't listen anymore so I turned to walk away.

'Jane, wait! Mr. Rochester had a message for you.'

I was so despondent that I could barely get words out.

'What is it?'

'He wanted me to tell you that he fixed your car. That was nice of him, don't you think?'

'Yeah, nice.'

I didn't know what to think or do. All I knew was that I couldn't be in that house any longer. Every where I looked I saw Mr. Rochester. Since my car was fixed I decided to go for a drive and clear my head. I had no idea where I was going and I didn't care just as long as it was far away from Thornfield Hall.

When I went out to the driveway I noticed that Mr. Rochester left the brand new roadster parked next to my crappy old Honda. The message that he was sending was loud and clear. Blanche was definitely the hot, flashy, shiny black sports car while I was the beat up, nondescript, gray sedan. I could here his voice echoing in my head,

"Once you drive a great car nothing else measures up. No one else measures up! You don't measure up!"

There is absolutely no way he would be interested in you! the voices in my head screamed. I shook my head for a few minutes to get the voices to stop talking. When they were finally silenced, I fished around under the seat for my keys, started up the car and got the hell out of there. I was going to head for the bar because I really needed a drink. When I looked at my watch and saw that it would be opening in about twenty minutes, I took the long way.

I drove around and fumbled with the radio, but I couldn't find anything upbeat to listen to. Every goddamn station was playing a broken heart song and I just didn't want to hear about anyone else's pain. I had plenty of my own to deal with. But when I got to the bar, I realized that I couldn't go in. As much as I needed a drink, this place held too many memories for me. Besides, I left my money and fake ID in my room. So I sat in the parking lot and smoked my last cigarette. What a time to pick to quit! I thought to myself as I took my first drag.

As I flicked the cigarette ash on the ground, I went over everything Mrs. Fairfax had told me this morning. Then I compared it to some of the things Mr. Rochester told me, not including what he said at the bar since he was drunk, and doesn't remember saying any of it anyway.

Mr. Rochester: 'Do you believe in love at first sight, Miss Eyre?. . . I'm not sure I do. From my experience I think you need to really get to know a person first.'

Mrs. Fairfax: 'Mr. Rochester has known her for years. She is an old family friend.'

Mr. Rochester: 'Family is important to you isn't it.'

Mrs. Fairfax: 'It must be nice not to have any family commitments. Mr. Rochester is the only one in his circle with a child and she is only his niece.'

Mr. Rochester: 'You were a beautiful little girl.'

Mrs. Fairfax: 'She is a tall and stunningly beautiful woman. . . It is like God picked up a chisel and carved her out of marble with his own two hands.'

Mr. Rochester: 'You are like the little sister I always wanted but never had.'

Mrs. Fairfax: 'They have had an on again / off again romantic relationship for as long as I can remember.'

Mr. Rochester: '. . . you have a bit of the devil in you.'

Mrs. Fairfax: '. . . but she, being the lady that she is, respectfully declined.'

I took my last drag on my last cigarette ever and tossed it on the ground. Why would he want me? What could I possibly have to offer Mr. Rochester? I am plain and inexperienced while Blanche is so beautiful and worldly. Maybe Brocklehurst was right after all. No one will ever love me. . . as long as there are Blanche Ingrams in the world! I slumped over the steering wheel, buried my face in my hands and cried.

For a brief second I thought I saw a glimmer of hope. He fixed my car! Now why would he do that if he didn't care about me? Unfortunately the voices in my head had an answer. So what if he fixed your car. He was just being nice to you, helping you like he would his little sister. Wait, didn't he say he thinks of you as his little sister? Then the voices reminded me that Mr. Rochester did say that he thought employers and employees shouldn't get together romantically. How it could make for an uncomfortable situation. I threw my head back against the headrest and resumed crying. It seems that I have been deluding myself all along. From the very beginning there was never any chance of him returning my affection.

When I was done crying I wiped the tears away and started up my car. I wasn't ready to head back to Thornfield, so I drove around. Without even realizing it, I retraced the drive that Mr. Rochester and I took in the roadster. There wasn't a lot of traffic, so I let my mind wander back to the amazing drive. . . I thought about the wind blowing through my hair, the easy conversation between him and I, and the laughter. I remember the laughter most of all. His sense of humor is very similar to mine, dark, sarcastic and a little off. I guess it comes from the pain of believing you're unlovable, or living with regrets.

Then I got to thinking. I know about Celine and Rowland, but there has to be more than what he has told me. Maybe he regrets not marring Blanche. Maybe that is his big mistake! He did say something at the bar about not trusting his own judgment. Maybe he was practicing on his "little sister" so he could get up the courage to propose! A light bulb went off in my head. He was using me! I was now furious. Not so much with him, but with myself for letting my guard down and for actually believing that he could ever love me.

In the end, the drive was really cathartic. It allowed me to work through my feelings in private, so when I did see Mr. Rochester again I would be calm and reserved, and not channeling Glenn Close's character, Alex Forrest, in the movie "Fatal Attraction."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I pulled myself out of bed Monday morning feeling a little low in the self esteem department, so I threw myself into working with Adele. I was thankful that I had her lessons to keep my mind off a certain person whose name I will not mention. Unfortunately for her, I worked my student longer and harder then normal, so when it came time to end the lesson, she was relieved. Adele went up to her room to make some phone calls, and I went outside to get some much needed fresh air.

As usual, I ended up sitting underneath the old chestnut tree. Mrs. Fairfax refers to it as the soul of Thornfield and I think she is right. For some reason, every time I sit underneath it I feel as though I am communing with the universe, and if I listen hard enough, I just might hear something profound. So I sat with my eyes closed and listened. I heard the birds singing, the wind rustling the leaves on the tree, an airplane flying over head, but nothing life changing. I was just about to open my eyes and stand up when I faintly heard,

'Jane. . . Jane. . . Jane. . .'

Oh my God! I thought, what ever the universe wants to tell me, I am ready. So I cleared my mind and waited.

'Jane, I've been looking all over for you!'

I opened my eyes and saw a very excited Mrs. Fairfax standing over me.

'What is it, Mrs. Fairfax? Is anything wrong?'

'No, Jane. Nothing is wrong. I wanted to tell you that Mr. Rochester just called.'

'That's nice,' I said trying out my new calm and reserved demeanor.

'Don't you want to know what he said?'

'Sure.' (See, I'm good at it already!)

'He said that he is being honored by some local business man's association at a dinner this Saturday at his country club. And since he thinks of all of us as his family, he wants us to go with him. Isn't that exciting!'

'I guess,' I said trying to sound nonchalant. 'But I have nothing to wear.'

'Mr. Rochester has already thought of that. He told me to tell you to use his account at Nordstrom to buy yourself a dress because he figured you didn't have one suitable for the occasion.'

Petty feelings swirled around in my head. The master of the house takes pity on the poor, plain governess by offering to buy her a dress. . . Now Jane, my conscious interrupted, be reasonable. This pettiness is not like you. Mr. Rochester is showing you the same kindness that he always has. Remember, he thinks of you as family.

'I told him you would be very happy to take him up on his offer. I hope I wasn't out of line.'

'No, Mrs. Fairfax, you weren't.'

I think she could see that I wasn't in the mood to talk anymore, so she turned to leave. She took about three steps before she turned back around and said with a huge smile,

'You will finally get to meet Blanche Ingram. Mr. Rochester is bringing her and Charles Eshton to the dinner as well.'

'Great, I would love to meet them,' I said as politely as I could. But in reality, I was dying inside.

When I got back to the house Adele was all excited about going to the dinner. She had already ripped through her closet and decided that she didn't have a single thing to wear. She then begged me to take her shopping right away. But I told her, to her disappointment, that we would go tomorrow afternoon.

Tuesday afternoon couldn't come quick enough for either of us. Adele couldn't wait to go shopping and I couldn't wait for her to stop talking about it. After a tough morning in the classroom (Adele was very distracted. Gee, I wonder why?), and a good lunch, we headed for The Galleria. I parked my beat-up Honda in the lot filled with more expensive cars and felt like everyone for miles could see that my car was out of place here. Get use to it, Jane, the voices inside my head began. You will be surrounded by rich and beautiful people Saturday night and you will stick out like a sore thumb! I wanted to slink back to my car and head home, but then I thought, Wait! you never had a problem with your car or your self-esteem before. You are still you. What has changed? It was at that moment, in the parking lot of Nordstrom, that I had an epiphany (or, if you watch "The Office," an epiphery!). I am just as good as the rich and beautiful people, and I am going to go to the dinner on Saturday night with my head held high because it doesn't matter what I drive, what I look like, or what I wear. I am a good person and that is all that matters. I turned to Adele and feeling almost like my old self again exclaimed,

'Come on, Adele. Let's go shopping!'

After whirlwind Adele flew through Nordstrom, Nordstrom didn't know what hit it. But when all was said, and done, and tried on, she narrowed her selection down to two. A short, yellow babydoll dress that was way too sexy for a girl her age. And a black and while off the shoulder dress with a bow at the waist. I convinced her to go with the demure off the shoulder dress. Mr. Rochester would have killed me if I let her buy the revealing babydoll.

Now it was my turn. All I wanted was an inexpensive, simple, black sheath with cap sleeves, and I found one right away. I took it into the dressing room and tried it on. It fit well, but there was no wow factor about it and I was fine with that. I was just about to head out of the dressing room when Adele walked over with this beautiful marine blue knot front dress with spaghetti straps.

'I found your dress, Miss Eyre. Try it on.'

'But, Adele. I already have a dress,' I said as I showed her the one I was going to buy.

She wrinkled up her nose at it.

'Just try it on. Please.'

I reluctantly took the dress with me into the fitting room and put it on. When I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror I felt beautiful. The ruched bodice made my small breasts look big, the slender straps showed off my nicely toned arms, and the full floaty skirt that ended just above my knees made me look as if I was floating on air. This is the dress! I thought to myself until I looked at the price tag. It was way more than I wanted to spend. Now, I know that Mr. Rochester told me to put the dress on his account, but I am use to taking care of myself. So I reluctantly took it off, told Adele that it didn't fit right, and bought the plain black dress.

We wandered around The Galleria for another hour while Adele continued shopping for shoes and a purse. Since I spent all of my money on my dress, I had to live vicariously through her. She choose a silver, high heel, strappy sandal and a simple silver evening bag. Adele was going to look gorgeous, I thought as she held up her dress while trying on the shoes. My mind then wandered back to the dress I didn't buy. Just remember Jane, the voices in my head began, you don't always get what you want. Don't I know it!

Adele and I eventually headed back to Thornfield and the week continued heading down hill because I received a letter saying that the scholarship I applied for was given to someone more deserving. So, to keep my mind off of things, I continued to throw myself into teaching, and I took my frustrations out on the heavy punching bag every chance I got. Why is he always so nice to me, I thought as I kicked the bag. If he was still aloof and cold to me then I could justify not loving him, but he's not and I can't. The more I tried not to love Mr. Rochester, the more I fell in love with him. I quickly figured out that I was just going to have to suffer in silence if I was to remain here.

Mr. Rochester arrived back at Thornfield late Friday night, and I really wanted to run down the hall and say hello to him. But I forced myself to stay in my room. I could hear Adele screaming and jumping up and down when he walked in the house. I know she missed her uncle very much and was glad that he was home. As I was just about to get ready for bed, there was a knock on my door. I yelled out,

'Come in,' thinking it was Adele.

I got the shock of my life when Mr. Rochester walked into my room.

'Hi, Jane. Why didn't you come and say hello to me?'

I didn't know what to say, so I lied.

'I'm not feeling well.'

He walked over and sat on the edge of my bed.

'I'm sorry to hear that. Is that your dress for tomorrow night?' he asked while motioning to the boring black dress that was hanging on my closet door.

I nodded my head yes. He rolled his eyes.

'Tomorrow night will certainly be interesting. I really hate these award dinners. The only reason they have them is so all of the pompous blowhards can get together and pat themselves on the back. I think I would rather stay home and stick pins in my eyes.'

I had to laugh at that and he smiled at me.

'I missed your laugh these past few days.'

The butterflies were flying around in my stomach again. I needed to change the subject and fast.

'How did your business meeting go?'

He looked confused.

'Business meeting?'

'You know, the one with the client that is giving you a hard time.'

'Oh, that business meeting. . . It actually went better than I thought it would.'

'Good, I'm happy for you.'

Mr. Rochester patted my hand.

'Me too. All of my troubles will be over when this situation gets worked out. . . You look tired. I won't keep you up any longer. Good night, Jane.'

'Good night, Mr. Rochester.'

As I got ready for bed I felt proud for holding it together in front of Mr. Rochester. Maybe tomorrow night won't be so hard after all, I thought while trying to fall asleep. It took a while, but when I did I had an odd dream. I dreamed that a strange looking woman with really long hair came into my room, walked around and left. It was so real that I could have sworn that it actually happened.

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I noticed was that my bedroom door was open. That's funny, maybe Mr. Rochester didn't close it all of the way when he left my room last night, I reasoned. The next thing I noticed was that my black dress was not hanging on my closet door. Panicking, I ran around my room and searched everywhere, but I couldn't find it. Maybe Adele borrowed it, I thought as I threw on my clothes and headed down the hall.

Adele wasn't in her room, so I stood in the open doorway and took a quick look around. Still no dress! Thinking she brought it downstairs to show Mrs. Fairfax, I headed for the kitchen and found Adele and Mr. Rochester sitting at the table. He looked up from the newspaper.

'Are you ready for tonight, Jane?'

'Funny you should ask, Mr. Rochester. I cannot find my dress. Did you take it, Adele?'

'No, Miss Eyre, I haven't seen it.'

Mr. Rochester looked concerned.

'When was the last time you saw it?'

'Last night when you asked me if it was my dress for the dinner.'

Adele giggled.

'Maybe the ghost took it.'

'What ghost?' I asked.

'You know, the ghost that roams the Hall at night.'

Now he looked annoyed.

'Adele, you know there are no such things as ghosts. Besides, what would a ghost want with Jane's dress?'

'Maybe she had a date.'

I laughed.

'Very funny, Adele. But I still don't have a dress. I guess I will just stay home.'

Mr. Rochester sat straight up in his chair.

'No, Jane. I really need your support tonight. You are going!'

I was surprised he was so insistent.

'But I don't have anything to wear!'

He looked back down at the newspaper.

'What is the big deal? Go back to the mall and buy yourself another dress.'

Adele chimed in,

'She cannot afford another dress, Uncle Edward.'

He looked surprised.

'What do you mean? Didn't you put the dress on my account?'

I looked him straight in the eyes.

'No, Mr. Rochester. I paid for the dress with my own money.'

He turned to Adele.

'Could you leave us alone for a bit.'

'Why do I always have to miss the good stuff,' she grumbled as she reluctantly left the kitchen.

He turned back to me when she was in the hall.

'Jane, why didn't you let me buy you a dress?'

'Because I can take care of myself, Mr. Rochester.'

His eyes became wild and he slammed his coffee cup down on the table.

'This act was cute at the coffee shop, but now it's annoying. Why can't you let someone do something nice for you. It's just a dress after all. Are you so stubborn, Jane, that you are willing to miss this event tonight just because you won't allow me to buy you a goddamn dress?'

Mr. Rochester's tirade reminded me of the night he scolded me. I didn't know what to say. His countenance eventually softened.

'Jane, if it makes you feel any better, I will loan you the money for another dress. And I will take it out of your pay in small installment so you won't miss it. OK?'

'Thanks, Mr. Rochester.'

'Now go to the mall!' he said as he handed me his credit card.

I went outside, jumped in my car and headed back to The Galleria. When I got to Nordstrom they didn't have another black dress in my size. I panicked because I didn't know what I was going to wear. Then I remembered the beautiful blue dress that Adele made me try on. I had no idea where she found it, so I ran around the dress department looking everywhere for it. I couldn't find it anywhere and was just about to give up hope when I saw a sales clerk carrying the dress. I went up to her and she gave it to me. Thankfully it was the one I tried on on Tuesday, so I put it on Mr. Rochester's account, and headed back to Thornfield.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Warning - Excerpt from a trashy novel

I arrived back at the great Hall around lunch time to find Adele and Mrs. Fairfax sitting at the kitchen table talking about tonight's festivities. Even though Adele could barely eat because she was excited, Mrs. Fairfax was trying to shove food down her throat throat so she wouldn't be light headed later. Feeling ravenous because I skipped breakfast, I indulged in a huge turkey and cheese sandwich with veggie chips and an iced tea. When I finished my meal, I headed to my bedroom.

I still had some time to kill before the dinner, so I decided to read. I flopped on the bed and continued on in my trashy novel. I couldn't help but picture me and Mr. Rochester in the story. . .

Their eyes met over the table.

'I'm bored with this game. I think we need to make it more interesting,' said Ed, the dark, ruggedly handsome man that Janet secretly had a crush on.

'What did you have in mind?' she asked innocently.

'Strip poker with a twist.'

The hairs on the back of Janet's neck stood up. She had trouble containing her excitement.

'What is the twist?'

Ed smiled.

'The twist is when the winner of the hand exposes a body part he gets to do what ever he wants to it.'

Janet was feeling confident. She had won most of the hands this evening.

'You're on!'

The first hand is played and Janet wins.

'OK, Ed, I want your jeans.'

Ed stands up and pushes his jeans to the floor leaving him in his boxer briefs and t-shirt.

Not bad, Janet thinks to herself as she studied the large bulge between his legs.

The next hand is played and Ed wins.

'Take off your t-shirt, Janet.'

Janet stands up, and slowly pulls her shirt up over her head revealing her lace push up bra.

Ed smiles, but says nothing.

The third hand is played, and Ed wins again.

'Your shorts have to go, and do it slowly.'

Janet moves away from the table and unbuttons her shorts. She unzips them and begins to slowly inch them down her hips. At the last minute she turns around to tease him. As she pushes them down she bends over so he gets a good view of her silk covered bottom. Ed lets out a soft moan. She then stands up, steps out of her shorts and returns back to her seat.

The forth hand is played and Janet wins this time.

'I want your t-shirt, Ed.'

Ed stands up. She walks over to him and quickly removes his shirt. Since she uncovered part of his body she is now able to do anything she wants to it. Janet eagerly takes Ed's right nipple in her mouth and swirls it with her tongue. She has wanted him for so long she doesn't know if she will be able to stop herself. Her hands eventually work their way down to his sexy ass, but Ed stops her.

'You haven't earned that privilege yet, Janet,' he says in a half serious tone. 'Go back to your seat.'

The fifth hand is played and Ed wins.

'Get over here,' he orders.

Janet stands in front of him between his knees. Ed pushes her right bra strap down her arm and then the left. He takes a deep breath and buries his face in her cleavage, licking and kissing her while undoing her bra. When it falls to the floor, Ed's mouth is immediately on her left breast. Janet throws her head back and moans loudly. While his mouth is busy with her nipple, his hands wander down to her silky bottom. Using his own words against him, and herself, Janet says,

'You haven't earned that privilege yet, Ed,' as she reluctantly returns to her seat.

The sixth hand is played and Janet loses on purpose. She can't wait to see what Ed does to her now and is up and out of her chair before he can say anything.

He laughs.

'Take off your panties, Janet, and get on the table.'

Janet steps out of her panties and sits on the table in front of him.

'I've been waiting a long time for this,' Ed says as he gently lays her down and . . knock. . knock. . knock. .

I quickly pushed the book under my pillow.

'Come in,' I said nervously. Thank God it was only Adele!

'Miss Eyre are you OK? You don't look well.'

I fanned my overheated face.

'I'm fine, Adele. What do you want?'

She laughed at me.

'I'm here to see if you need any help getting ready for tonight, silly.'

'Is it that time already? I asked looking at the clock.' I was surprised to see that it had gotten so late. 'Give me twenty minutes and then come back.'

Adele left the room and I took a very cold shower, but it didn't help. The twenty minutes continued to fly by as I fixed my hair and applied a little make-up. I was zipping up when she returned looking beautiful in her dress. Adele took one look at me and said,

'We really need to do something with your hair and make-up.'

I rolled my eyes and laughed,

'You don't like it?'

'It's fine for everyday, but not for tonight. Let me help you.'

I couldn't believe I was about to get a makeover from a nine year old, but she said she knew what she was doing. I guess Adele wasn't wasting her time reading all of those fashion magazines after all.

By the time she was done attacking me with a curling iron and a tube of mascara, I was ready to see what she had done. Expecting the worst, I looked in the mirror and was pleasantly surprised with what I saw. I looked like myself only better, much better. My pin straight hair had a nice wave to it. I had cheek bones for the first time in my life. My lips looked absolutely kissable, and my eyes! My eyes looked twice as big and greener than ever. Who knew?

'You look positively beautiful, Miss Eyre, but then you always do in your own way.'

I hugged and kissed her.

'Now what about shoes?' she asked while looking at my bare feet.

'I don't know. Let me see what I have,' I said as I walked over to my closet. 'How about these?' I held up a pair of clunky black heels. 'It's all I've got I'm afraid.'

She shook her head.

'They won't do at all. What size do you wear?'

'Seven.'

Adele sat down on a chair and removed her beautiful silver sandals.

'Take these. I'll wear something else.'

'Adele, you love these shoes.'

She looked me straight in the eyes.

'But I love you more. Take the bag too, it goes really well with the shoes,' she said as she headed back to her room.

Feeling like I was going to cry, but not wanting to ruin my makeup, I composed myself before putting on the sandals. Then I went to work putting some items in the evening bag. I really wanted to wear my locket, but it didn't look right with the dress, so I wrapped it in a tissue, and put it in the inside pocket of the purse. After taking one last look at myself in the full length mirror to make sure I was presentable, I headed out the door.

I didn't want to miss Adele's grand entrance, so I went down the back stairs, through the kitchen, and snuck in the front hall were Mr. Rochester and Mrs. Fairfax were waiting. Mrs. Fairfax looked lovely in her dressy pantsuit, and Mr. Rochester, do I even need to say it. He looked so hot in his tuxedo with his shirt collar open that I thought I was going to swoon right then and there. I quickly composed myself and stood quietly behind Mr. Rochester who was looking up the stairs at Adele. As she descended to the oohs and ahhs coming from Mrs. Fairfax, Mr. Rochester turned to me and did a double take.

'Jane, I don't know what to say. . . You look amazing,' he said while looking me up and down.

I blushed.

'So do you, Mr. Rochester.'

'How come you aren't making a grand entrance?'

I laughed thinking he was joking.

'Come on, Jane. I want to see you come down the stairs.'

'But, Mr. Rochester,' I began.

'No buts. We are not leaving until you walk down these stairs in that dress.'

'Oh, yes, Miss Eyre!' Adele added while jumping up and down.

'Pretty please, Jane,' Mrs. Fairfax begged.

I looked at Mr. Rochester. His eyes twinkled as he smiled at me.

'See. Your adoring fans eagerly wait for your appearance.'

Reluctantly, I went back through the kitchen, up the back stairs, down the hall and stood at the top of the stairs feeling ridiculous. Then the voices in my head said, Work it girl. You know you look fabulous! So I did.

I posed at the top of the stairs like the models do in the fashion magazines with one foot in front of the the other and my knee slightly bent. After Adele let out a cheer of approval, I glided down the stairs with my head held high and a huge smile on my face, but secretly praying that I wouldn't fall. I was not use to walking in high heels! About half way down the huge staircase I noticed that Mr. Rochester couldn't take his eyes off of me. When I got to the bottom he took my hand, kissed it and said,

'Promise me you will save me at least one dance tonight.'

I laughed at him.

'I don't think that will be a problem.'

'Just you wait, Jane. You will be the belle of the ball, and I will be forced into fighting men off of you with a stick,' he said sounding a bit jealous as we all went out the front door.

Adele ran on ahead while Mrs. Fairfax locked up. Mr. Rochester dropped my hand as soon as we got outside, but he quickly placed his left hand on the small of my back as he guided me over to his car. I felt the butterflies rise up again in my belly. I was still very turned on from picturing me and Mr. Rochester in my book and I didn't know if I would be able to control myself tonight.

The car ride was quiet. Adele sat in the front with Mr. Rochester and Mrs. Fairfax and I sat in the back. Because I was not use to sitting in a dress, I was very careful to cross my legs at the knee and keep them there. Then I relaxed back into the soft leather and remembered that I didn't see Mrs. Poole this evening. Since Mrs. Fairfax said she was such a huge help to Mr. Rochester, I was really surprised she wasn't coming with us.

After a minute or two of being on the road, Mr. Rochester began playing with his rear view mirror. I laughed.

'Valet mess up your mirror again?'

He stopped adjusting it and mumbled,

'Yeah, something like that.'

Not long after we arrived at the country club, Mr. Rochester was greeted by some bigwig who led him away. He looked back at me with a pained expression on his face, so I laughed as I waved him goodbye. Since us ladies were now left to our own devices, we decided to check out the food. When we went into the ballroom we found out that there was not going to be a sit down dinner, but an extensive cocktail hour that was going to run all night so people could walk around and network.

I immediately grabbed a plate and dug into the huge pile of shrimp. Adele went for the strawberries and chocolate while Mrs. Fairfax piled on the crab legs. We then found a small table out of the way and ate. Everything was delicious and when I was on my way to get more shrimp, I inadvertently walked into a man because I wasn't looking where I was going.

'I'm so sorry!' I cried out.

He smiled at me.

'No harm done. I'm Charles and you are?' he asked as he held out his hand.

'Jane, my name is Jane,' I stuttered as I shook it. Charles was so good looking it should have been illegal. He was about 6' tall, had beautiful blue eyes, dark wavy hair like Mr. Rochester and a smile that made me melt. I knew if I didn't get away from him quickly I was going to make an ass of myself like I usually do when I talk to handsome men.

'Are you here alone?'

I blushed.

'No, I'm here with some friends.'

He leaned into me.

'That's too bad. I was hoping you were here alone so I could keep you company,' he said as he took a sip of his drink.

I didn't know what to say. At that moment Mr. Rochester came walking up.

'Eshton! I see you have already met Jane!'

Charles glanced at me and then glanced at Mr. Rochester before taking a step back and looking really nervous.

'So you're Adele's governess,' he smiled before taking another sip. 'I'm afraid he didn't do you justice, Jane.'

I frowned and shot my boss a dirty look.

'What is that supposed to mean?'

He looked very uncomfortable as Charles interjected,

'Edward said you were pretty, but. . . you're down right hot! I wish I had a niece for you to take care of.'

Mr. Rochester immediately pulled him away and said over his shoulder,

'I think my friend has had too much to drink. Will you excuse us for a minute?'

I watched as Mr. Rochester and Charles had a very animated conversation at the other end of the room. It was then that I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around and there was this tall woman standing behind me. I would describe her, but there are no words that would do her justice, she was that beautiful. The woman held her hand out to me.

'You must be Jane Eyre. I, am Blanche Ingram.'


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Mrs. Fairfax was right. It was like God carved her out of marble with his own two hands she was so perfectly stunning! I stood there in awe of Blanche Ingram. There was nothing else I could do. Thankfully, the illusion was quickly shattered when she opened her mouth and said in a snide tone,

'Edward and I have been friends for a very long time and I've noticed a change in him since you came along. You must be doing really good work with that little niece of his. I'm glad, because when we get married she will need to go off to school and I want to make sure she is more than ready to go.'

I looked down at her left hand, but didn't see an engagement ring. She uncomfortably twitched her ring finger.

'Oh, he hasn't proposed yet. He told me he is waiting for just the right moment.'

Even though the wind was knocked out of my sails, I managed to keep my dignity.

'Well, then let me be the first to congratulate you. . . and Mr. Rochester,' I could barely get the words out. 'I'm sure you two will be very happy together.'

'Your blessing means the world to us, Jane,' she replied with a forced smile and a cold look in her eyes.

Thank God the master of ceremonies got on the microphone and began the program. Blanche walked away from me and stood by Mr. Rochester. I went and sat with Adele and Mrs. Fairfax.

'Jane, you look like you've been beaten up and shot at. Are you feeling alright? Mrs. Fairfax asked as she felt my forehead. 'I see you met Blanche Ingram. Isn't she the loveliest, nicest woman you have ever met?'

'She's great. Anyone want a drink from the bar?' I exclaimed while jumping up from my chair, almost knocking it over, and heading quickly in that direction. I didn't wait around for a drink order because I couldn't wait to lose myself in a beer and the program. But it didn't work. The beer wasn't strong enough and I quickly got bored listening to the speakers. Mr. Rochester was right. This night was about a bunch of pompous blowhards getting together and patting themselves on the back. I was just about to ask the bartender if he had any pins so I could stick them in my eyes when I heard,

'. . . And now, the reason we are all here tonight, Mr. Edward Fairfax Rochester.'

Mr. Rochester reluctantly walked up to the podium and began speaking.

'Anyone who knows me, and most of you do,' he said as he looked around the room, 'knows I hate making speeches about as much as I hate listening to other people make them, so I will try to keep this brief. . . I, am a lucky man.' He laughed, 'Now, I know what you are all thinking, but I never thought I was lucky until recently. I have good friends who I think of as family. Family that I wouldn't trade for the world. And a very special friend who is wise beyond her years. One of the most profound things she has told me is, God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle. And you know what? I think she is right. . . '

It was at that moment a door in the back of the ballroom opened and in walked a nervous looking man. To everyone in the audience, Mr. Rochester seemed fine, but I could tell he was unnerved by the man's appearance.

'. . . I just want to finish up by saying that I am very honored, and humbled to receive this award. Thank You.'

As everyone applauded, he walked out from behind the podium and headed straight for the man in the back of the room. Mr. Rochester then slapped him on the back and led him out the door.

I stayed at the bar to finish my beer. Charles Eshton walked over to me.

'Sorry about before. I was way out of line.'

'That's OK, no harm done. Do you know who that man is who came in during Mr. Rochester's speech? I think he really upset him.'

'I know. I was just about to ask you the same question.'

Then I looked across the room to see if Blanche Ingram went after her soon to be fiancé. She was so engrossed in a conversation with another man that I didn't think she even noticed he had left the room. If she is not going after Mr. Rochester, then I will, I thought before I excused myself and headed for the door.

Seeing that there was no one in the great hall, I went out the huge front door. It was a beautiful evening so I decided to stay outside a bit, even if I didn't find Mr. Rochester. When I walked around the building, I saw the men arguing in a gazebo.

'Edward, be reasonable, it's only one million dollars! Besides, you wouldn't want your little secret to get out.'

Mr. Rochester looked really angry and grabbed him by his jacket lapels. Then he got right in his face.

'Why are you doing this to me you ungrateful weasel? And after everything I have done to try and help your sister!'

The man pushed Mr. Rochester away.

'You forget, you are required to do it. Remember?. . . And I expect the money to be in my account by the end of the month.' He began to walk away, but then stopped and said, 'It would be a real shame if all of these upstanding people knew what you were doing on your business trips.'

I hid behind a bush and waited for the weasel to pass me. When he was gone from my view I walked over to Mr. Rochester who was sitting down with his head in his hands.

'Good speech,' I said. I didn't know what else to say.

He looked up at me with pain in his eyes.

'Thanks. Looks like I am putting your words to the test.'

'Do you want to talk about it?'

He sighed.

'What would you do if everyone in there turned their backs on me. Spat at me. Pointed their fingers and laughed at me.'

I sat down next to him.

'I would comfort you.'

'But you don't know what I have done.'

I put my hand on his leg.

'It doesn't matter. You are a good man. Nothing you have done will ever change my opinion of you.'

He chuckled,

'Don't be so sure.'

'Did you kill anyone?'

'No.'

'Did you swindle little old ladies out of their life savings?'

'No.'

'Kick any dogs recently?'

He laughed,

'Do you remember everything I tell you?'

I smiled,

'Pretty much.'

He sighed again.

'You always have a way of making me feel better, Jane. I guess I should come up with a way to keep you around.'

Now it was my turn to chuckle.

'I wish you would. My scholarship money fell through.'

He touched my hand.

'Jane, I am so sorry. I. . .'

Mr. Rochester didn't get to finish his thought because we heard,

'Oh, there you are, Edward,' as Charles approached the gazebo. 'Everyone is looking for the guest of honor.'

Mr. Rochester made a face.

'Do I really have to go back in there?' he asked me.

'Yes, you do,' I said as I fixed his collar.

He looked deep into my eyes.

'What would I ever do without you, Jane?'

'I don't know. Walk around with a crooked collar?'

He laughed at me and held out his hand,

'Are you coming? You still owe me a dance.'

I took his hand and the three of us walked back inside. The music was playing when we entered the ballroom and Mr. Rochester was just about to lead me to the dance floor when he was stopped by some important looking guy with a really bad toupee.

'Sorry, Jane, duty calls,' he whispered in my ear before he left with the man. Blanche soon joined them.

So there I was, standing on the dance floor all by myself like an idiot when I heard,

'May I have this dance, Jane?'

I turned around and saw Charles with his hand out to me. I smiled before placing my small hand in his. He then guided me across the floor like he owned it. People actually stepped back and watched us dance! I even caught Mr. Rochester and Blanche staring at us as we made our way around the room. I was having the time of my life and could have danced all night with him, but the music ended and the small orchestra took a break. Charles bowed to me and kissed my hand. I curtsied back and then turned around to see what Mr. Rochester thought of our dance, but he barely looked at me and quickly resumed his conversation with Blanche. I didn't know what to think.

I didn't see much of Mr. Rochester the rest of the evening and Charles was avoiding me like the plague all of a sudden, so I hung out with Adele and Mrs. Fairfax. They were both getting bored and wanted to go home, but I still wanted to dance with my boss. I went to look for him and found him coming out of the men's room.

'I think I promised you at least one dance tonight.'

He smiled.

'You did. Are you here to make good on your promise?'

'I most certainly am,' I said as I took his hand and led him to the dance floor.

Just as he took me in his strong arms and pulled me into his warm body much closer than the music required, there was all of this commotion to my right. We both looked over. Blanche Ingram was on the ground and her head was bleeding. She had tripped on a chair leg and hit her head on a table corner. Mr. Rochester took off his jacket and handed it to me before seeing if he could assist in any way. I remained on the dance floor clutching his jacket.

As I was laying it neatly across my arm, I felt something hard in one of the pockets. Curiosity got the best of me, so I reached in and pulled out a small black box. I knew what was in it before I opened it, and I was right. There was a beautiful diamond engagement ring nestled inside. I wanted to take it and throw it across the room, but I didn't. Instead, I closed up the box and put it back in his pocket just like I had found it. Feeling like I was going to lose my mind, I gave the jacket to Mrs. Fairfax before running outside into the cool night air.

I was outside for at least twenty minutes before anyone came looking for me, but I didn't care. I just wanted to be left alone. Mr. Rochester walked over to where I was standing while Adele and Mrs. Fairfax waited at the car.

'We never had our dance, Jane. Why did you come outside?'

'It was getting hot in there. I needed some fresh air. . . By the way, how is Blanche?'

'Eshton offered to take her to the emergency room. He said he will call me later and let me know how things are going.' He then put his hand out, 'Come on, it's time for us to go home.'

I reluctantly took his hand and walked with him to the car.

When we arrived back at Thornfield I went up to my room, took off my dress, removed my make-up and tried to go to sleep. After tossing and turning for a bit, I decided to get up and see if there was anything good in the kitchen. I wasn't really hungry, but I didn't know what else to do, so I headed down the stairs. The Hall was really quiet. Good, everyone is asleep, I thought as I walked into the kitchen and turned on the light. I opened up the refrigerator and bent over to see if anything interesting was hiding on the bottom shelf when I heard Mr. Rochester say,

'Find anything to your liking, Jane? I see something I want,' as his hand grazed my raised bottom when he reached past me to grab a beer.

I stood up and closed the door.

'No. I'm not really hungry.'

'What did you think of this evening? Never a dull moment, huh?' Mr. Rochester then opened his beer and started drinking it as he leaned against the counter.

'You could say that,' I said unenthusiastically.

'I heard from Eshton. It seems that Blanche needed fifteen stitches and will stay at the hospital overnight for observation. The doctor suggested that she not go back to the city right away, so she is going to crash here for a few days. Eshton is going to drive down and pick up some of her things. Looks like we are going to have guests.'

I wasn't thrilled to hear the news so I replied,

'Adele will like having some new faces in the house.'

'What about you, Jane?'

'This is not my house, Mr. Rochester. It is not for me to say.'

His brow furrowed.

'Jane, I had hoped you had come to think of Thornfield as your home.'

'I do think of Thornfield as my home, but. . .'

'But what?'

I looked deep into his eyes and was just about to tell him that even though I thought of Thornfield as my home, I couldn't continue living here if he was to marry Blanche because I was madly in love with him. But in the end, I chickened out.

'Nothing. I'm tired. Good night, Mr. Rochester. Sweet dreams.'

'Same to you, Jane. Good night.'


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

When Mrs. Fairfax heard that the stunningly beautiful Blanche Ingram was gracing us with her presence for a few days, she couldn't control her excitement and raced around making sure everything was up to snuff. Now, the Hall was already in great shape to begin with because Mrs. Fairfax never lets anything get dirty. She even keeps all of the spare bedrooms aired out and dusted just in case unexpected guests drop by. But in all of her excitement I think she was going overboard. She was beating area rugs that were already vacuumed, cleaning mirrors that were already clean, polishing silver that didn't need to be polished, and Adele and I were roped into helping with these unnecessary tasks.

At four o'clock on the dot, Charles arrived with Blanche and what looked like all of her possessions. Adele and I peered through the window as her uncle went out to meet them. To our surprise, another car pulled into the driveway not long after. We watched as Blanche walked over and greeted the new arrivals while my boss followed with a confused look on his face. I found out later that she took it upon herself to invite her mother, her sister Mary, and an old friend named Freddie Dent to join her at Thornfield. Even though Mr. Rochester was acting the part of a gracious host, it was obvious he was not pleased with this new turn of events. I assumed it was because he was going to take this opportunity to propose to Blanche and didn't want to do it in front of an audience.

Mrs. Fairfax was certainly surprised by the number of guests, but she was more than ready for them to her credit. Unfortunately, you would never know it listening to Blanche and her mother as they walked through Thornfield. They found fault with everything. The wood floors weren't shiny enough. The furniture was not grand enough and its placement was not conducive to Feng shui. The meal that Mrs. Fairfax was preparing wasn't gourmet. There was a speck of dust on a night stand. They just went on and on bashing Thornfield and Mrs. Fairfax behind her back. And when they did speak to Mrs. Fairfax, they ordered her around like a servant. I was appalled at how Blanche and Mrs. Ingram treated her, and had to bite my lip on numerous occasions.

I was also appalled at how they disapproved of Thornfield. I love Thornfield. Even though it can come off as cold and imposing on the outside, it does have warmth and charm on the inside, and Mr. Rochester deserves all of the credit. Instead of making his home a museum full of antiques where all you can do is look but not touch, he took the time and care to make it welcoming. You can walk into any room and feel comfortable flopping down in a chair and putting your feet up. Now don't get me wrong, there are plenty of antiques and collectables from all over the world, but they are arranged in such a way that they don't take over the space and blend in with the more modern furnishings.

After a delicious dinner of Shake-n-Bake chicken with a side of vegetables and fresh baked bread, Mr. Rochester, Charles, Blanche, and all of her guest congregated in the parlor. Adele and I eavesdropped from the hall as Mrs. Ingram, Mary, and Freddie Dent spent the whole night fawning over Blanche and her boo boo (their words, not mine!) Her mother just went on and on about how she hoped that her daughter's boo boo didn't leave a scar and how she should sue the country club for negligence and the defacement of a national treasure. When I heard that I laughed out loud. I didn't realize Blanche Ingram's face was considered a national treasure!

To my surprise, Blanche got sick of all of the talk about her injury and decided to entertain everyone with a song. She walked over to the baby grand and began to play some classical piece that I had heard before, but didn't know the name of. I hate to admit it, but she was very talented, and I really enjoyed her playing. She ended the piece with a huge flourish and smiled at her adoring audience.

'Come now, Edward, join me in a song,' she begged.

He threw back a shot.

'But I haven't had enough to drink yet,' he teased.

She pouted her full, perfect lips,

'Please, Edward, for me?'

'Oh, all right.'

Blanche began playing again, this time it was some old Broadway duet about being in love. Mr. Rochester hammed up his part of the song I think, to mask his feelings of being uncomfortable. I could tell he does not like singing for an audience which is really too bad. His rich voice has a nice range to it, and I would have loved to hear him sing the song more seriously.

Adele was fading fast, so I brought her upstairs and put her to bed. Since I didn't feel like resuming my post in the hall, I went to bed as well.

We all awoke to another perfect spring day, so Mr. Rochester decided to take everyone on an outing. He drove Blanche in his sports car and Charles drove everyone else. I felt relieved as I watched them go because Adele could now get some schoolwork done. That sense of relief was short lived because Mrs. Fairfax made such a big deal about Mr. Rochester and Blanche being alone together in his car. I tried to change the subject by asking if she knew where they were all going.

'You will find out tonight. Mr. Rochester said that you and Adele are more than invited to join him and the guests after dinner. He also said he was surprised that you didn't come into the parlor last night.'

I sighed, dreading this conversation.

'I didn't know we were invited and I don't know if I really want to join them tonight.'

She laughed,

'Mr. Rochester thought you might say that so he said he will come and get you himself if you don't abide by his wishes.'

'We'll see. Will you be there?'

'No, with all of the extra work I am doing I have been going to bed early. I am not as young as I use to be.'

I smiled and gave her a great big hug.

'I just want to let you know you are doing an excellent job.'

'Thank you, Jane. That means a lot to me. Remember, Mr. Rochester said he will come and get you if you don't show up. Now go teach Adele.'

I rolled my eyes,

'Yes, Mrs. Fairfax.'

This time I was smart about it. I didn't tell Adele that our presence was requested tonight until after she was finished with her studies. Considering all of the excitement of having guests, she was able to concentrate and get a lot of work done. I was very pleased with what she had accomplished for the day and ended class a little early so she could get ready for this evening.

Not having anything else to do, I grabbed my camera and took a walk around the estate. I was only killing time, so I took pictures just to take pictures. Nothing really moved me. When I had had enough, I headed back to the Hall for dinner.

Mr. Rochester and his guests had just returned and I didn't want to run into any of them, so I hid myself near the garage and waited. Charles, Mrs. Ingram, Mary and Freddie all went inside, while Blanche walked over to the roadster and practically drooled all over it. Mr. Rochester and I both watched as she ran her hand along the side of the car before bending over seductively and checking it out from every angle.

'I bought it for the future Mrs. Rochester,' he said as he came up behind her.

Blanche turned around, smiled and put her hand on his chest.

'I guess she is going to have to take it for a test drive to make sure she likes it,' she cooed before he took her arm and led her inside.

As I stood there and listened to their brief conversation, I became really jealous. I felt like that car was, in a way, mine because I drove it first, and had had such a good time with Mr. Rochester. I just hated the thought of him taking her on our drive. Showing her the things he showed me. Telling her the things he told me. I knew I was being unrealistic, but I couldn't help the way I felt at that moment.

Even though I wasn't really hungry, I joined Mrs. Fairfax and Adele in the kitchen for dinner anyway. And if we were quiet enough, we could hear laughter and snippets of conversation coming from the dining room. It sounded like everyone was having a good time, including Mr. Rochester. I could hear that his laughter was the loudest of all, and it made me smile.

Adele delayed changing her clothes until after dinner in fear of getting dirty, so when she was finished, she took off for her room. I went up to mine and put on a clean shirt and pants before fixing my hair and touching up my make-up. I then headed to Adele's room. When I walked in she was sitting on her bed and I could see that she was trying not to mess up her outfit. She had on the Bebe t-shirt and 7 for all Mankind jeans that her uncle had bought for her while he was away. I put my hand out.

'Are you ready, Adele?'

She didn't answer me. She just jumped off of the bed, took my hand and pulled me down the hall.

We managed to get to the parlor before everyone else, so I decided to find a nice out of the way place to set up shop. I brought some books and magazines with me to try and distract Adele, but it was useless. She was just too excited and went over to the mirror to preen. I rolled my eyes and then tried to get lost in a book.

It wasn't long before Mr. Rochester and his guests entered the parlor and he led the way looking as handsome as ever. He had changed out of his jeans and t-shirt from before, and put on a button down shirt and chinos. Blanche followed close behind wearing a low cut, red summer sweater that accentuated her graceful neck and her ample assets. She paired the sweater with off white linen pants that looked liked they were cut to hug every curve of her body. I was so taken with Blanche that I failed to notice what anyone else was wearing.

It seemed that I wasn't the only one taken with Blanche. The three men in the room couldn't keep their eyes off of her either. She knew it and made a point of it to strut around and bend over when convenient. I think everyone had her breasts or her rear end in their face at least once during the evening, including myself. Blanche wasn't self-conscious like her sister Mary, that's for sure.

Mary, who looked and acted nothing like Blanche, sat on the couch next to Mrs. Ingram, and pined after Freddie. It was obvious to anyone with half a brain that she liked him because she was constantly staring at him. And when he would turn in her general direction, her face would light up. Unfortunately, Freddie was clueless and Mary didn't have the courage to talk to him. I really felt bad for her. I know what it is like to suffer in silence.

Eventually, there was a lull in the conversation and Adele, deciding that this was her chance, went over to her uncle and sat on his lap. He smiled before kissing her cheek. Blanche strutted over.

'So, this is Adele. I thought you didn't like kids, Edward.'

I gasped and couldn't believe she was saying that around Adele!

He grimaced.

'I never said that I didn't like them. I said I was uncomfortable around them.'

'Well, you look very comfortable to me,' she retorted.

He smiled.

'You can thank Jane for that.'

Blanche frowned before glancing around the room.

'Where is that wallflower? Oh, there she is, hiding in the corner. Jane, why don't you come and sit with us.'

I reluctantly got up from my perch and walked over to the couch. She turned back to Mr. Rochester,

'Didn't you tell me that little Adele will be going off to school in the fall?'

'That is the plan.'

Smiling, she turned to me and asked,

'Then what are you going to do? Find another job as a nanny?'

I really didn't feel like talking so I replied,

'I don't know.'

'Well, if you want, I'm sure my mother could find you something. We always have friends who are looking for a nanny.'

Mr. Rochester interrupted her.

'I wouldn't worry about it, Blanche. I'm sure I can find her a suitable position.'

Yeah, either under you or on top of you! I snickered to myself.

Blanche acted like she didn't hear him.

'I hear it is very hard to find a good nanny these days because most of them are incompetent. . . Present company excluded of course,' she said while gesturing to me. But she didn't sound like she meant it and continued. 'A lot of my friends complain that their nannies are actually flirting with their husbands! Can you believe it, eighteen year old girls making eyes at thirty-five year old men? It is positively shameful! Do they actually think that these men are going to leave their wives for them? What could they possibly have in common with that big of an age difference?'

Mrs. Ingram chimed in having had a little too much to drink.

'They don't have anything in common, dear. It's all about sex. Young women today are easy and love to seduce older men. And men are stupid. All young women have to do is flatter them and the men think they are in love. And the the worst part of it is, the men don't realize that they are being led around by their Johnsons and being used.'

Blanche gasped,

'Mother, I cannot believe you said that!'

'It's true, dear. Mark my words,' she said looking directly at me.

It took all of my self control not to get up and slap her. Mr. Rochester interrupted.

'I'm getting tired of this conversation. Blanche, would you play something for us?' he asked as he motioned towards the baby grand.

She batted her long eye lashes,

'I would love to, Edward.'

As Mr. Rochester and Blanche walked towards the piano, I grabbed Adele and made a beeline for the door. I was really mad and wanted to get the hell out of there. Surprisingly, she didn't fight me on it, and ran on ahead. I made it half way up the stairs when I heard,

'Leaving so soon, Jane?'

I turned around to see Mr. Rochester standing at the foot of the stairs. I reluctantly walked back down and stood on the last stair.

'It's Adele's bed time.'

His brow furrowed.

'I see. Why didn't you talk to me this evening?'

'You were busy with your guests.'

'I'm never to busy to talk to you, Jane. Come back and talk to me after you put Adele to bed.'

'I'm tired. I think I will turn in.'

'Mrs. Fairfax told me you helped her a great deal yesterday. Thank you.'

I really wasn't in the mood for small talk.

'No problem.'

His eyes grew large.

'You look upset. Are you going to cry? Did Mrs. Fairfax, slave driver that she is work you too hard? Let me see your hands. Did she whittle poor Jane's fingers down to the bone?' he teased as he picked up my hands and inspected my fingers thoroughly. At one point I even thought he was going to kiss them. I let out a little giggle and hadn't considered crying until he said it. It was then that I felt the tears well up in my eyes and I knew I had to get out of there quickly before I broke down.

'No, I'm just tired. I want to go to bed.'

He eventually let go of my hands.

'Off with you then. But I expect you to sit with us every night after dinner. OK?'

'Yes, Mr. Rochester.'

I headed back up the stairs and noticed that he remained there until I was out of sight.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Over the next few days I had a lot of time to study Blanche Ingram, and I quickly came to the conclusion that she may be gorgeous on the outside, but she looked quite ugly on the inside. She was cold to her mother, her sister, me (but I didn't care), Mrs. Fairfax, and Adele (who did care). I could see that Blanche didn't want anything to do with Adele and felt bad for her. It was obvious she wanted Blanche's love and approval, but she was never going to get it because I think Blanche felt threatened by her. I also felt bad for Adele because she has grown very attached to her uncle, and I knew that Blanche was going to have her shipped off to some expensive boarding school the first chance she got. I just hope that Mr. Rochester doesn't allow that to happen. He needs Adele just as much as she needs him.

I also came to the realization that I wasn't jealous of the stunningly beautiful Blanch Ingram. I know that sounds funny coming from plain old me, but she doesn't deserve it. If I was jealous of her then I would think that she was better than me, but she is not. Even though she is beautiful she is showy, impudent, fake, unintelligent, easily led, boring, apathetic, and most importantly, she cannot laugh at herself.

Blanche spends the bulk of her day strutting around Thornfield with her cleavage on display, fawning over Mr. Rochester's possessions (which I know she secretly hates!), while acting like she already owns the place. On more than one occasion some of his most cherished momentos have been moved, reorganized, or have just disappeared all together. And when asked about it, she bats her eyes and says that Thornfield needs a woman's touch and a little management here and there as if that justifies her actions.

From what I can tell, she also does not have an original thought in her head about anything important. In most conversations, Blanche just repeats the sentiments expressed by those around her, and if they change their mind, her thoughts and feeling miraculously change as well.

I remembered Mrs. Fairfax saying that Blanche was involved in a lot of charity work. When I asked Blanche about it, she didn't have much to say about the work itself, but she had plenty to say about the glowing article and extremely flattering picture of her that appeared in the newspaper the day after one of her charity events.

And one evening, Charles cracked a small joke at her expense. She practically bit his head off.

I would like to think that I wasn't the only one who noticed these qualities in Blanche. On numerous occasions I saw Mr. Rochester studying her as I did. He would sit back in his chair with a blank expression on his face, sipping scotch, while watching her flit around the room making a spectacle of herself.

I also noticed that Mr. Rochester didn't show much emotion around Blanche. You would think that if he was going to propose to her, he would be showering her with love and affection. But he wasn't and it drove me crazy. Now, I really didn't want to see Mr. Rochester ramming his tongue down her throat, but his total lack of passion for her didn't make sense. And I don't think they have even slept together while she has been at Thornfield. Mr. Rochester's bedroom is close to mine while hers is at the other end of the long hall, and I am very sensitive to noises outside my door. He would have to pass my room to get to hers, so unless they have been sneaking around, I don't think they have been intimate once since she has been here.

Then it occurred to me, he doesn't love Blanche! It all made sense, but then why would he want to marry her? In this day and age it wasn't necessary for people to marry for family or political reasons, rank or connections. And Mr. Rochester certainly doesn't need money. I just couldn't understand why he would choose to marry someone he didn't love.

I had just finished teaching Adele for the day, and was heading to my room to ponder over my conclusions when the doorbell rang. I was going to answer it, but Mr. Rochester got there first. As I was about to turn and leave, I heard a familiar voice. It was the man from the dinner who threatened him. I hid so I could hear what they had to say to each other.

'What do you want, Mason? You gave me till the end of the month.'

'I'm not here for that, Edward. I'm here to see my sister.'

Mr. Rochester frowned.

'Stay here. I'll tell Grace.'

As he went up the stairs, I came out of hiding. I couldn't control myself, and got right in Mason's face.

'How dare you come here after what you pulled at the country club. Why can't you leave Mr. Rochester alone!'

Mason looked down at me and laughed. Then he picked his head up and said,

'Edward, call off your girl. Is she one of your whores too?'

He flew down the stairs like at bat out of hell and punched Mason in the nose. Mason, not expecting it, lost his balance and fell backwards. Mr. Rochester then jumped on him and began beating him about the face. I screamed and try to pull him off of Mason, but I couldn't. Charles must have heard the commotion because he ran into the hall and somehow managed to get Mr. Rochester off of Mason. When he did, I grabbed Mr. Rochester's hand and led him to a chair. Mason laid in the doorway with a bloody nose, a black eye and a possible concussion.

'You will regret this, Edward!'

'Go fuck yourself, Mason!'

Mason stood up, looked at me, and laughed again.

'I hope she was worth it!'

Mr. Rochester bolted from the chair, but Charles held him back.

'If you ever step foot on my property again, I will have you arrested!'

'Not if I have you arrested first,' Mason said looking at Charles and myself as potential witnesses.

I turned to Charles,

'I didn't see anything. Did you?'

He laughed.

'I only saw Mason walk into a door.'

Mr. Rochester chimed in.

'Even you are not that stupid. Now go!'

Mason turned and stumbled down the walk. I slammed the door behind him.

I could see that Mr. Rochester's right hand was swelling so I ran to the kitchen to get a bag of ice and a towel. When I returned, he was gone. There was light coming from his study, so I walked down the hall and did a courtesy knock on the partially open door before I walked in. Mr. Rochester was slumped over his desk. Charles was standing next to him.

'You can't give into his demands, Edward. It will never end if you do.'

Mr. Rochester looked up at him.

'Don't you think I already know that? I am so screwed.' He then noticed me standing by the door. 'Jane, I'm so sorry for. . .'

I walked over to him.

'There is nothing to be sorry for, Mr. Rochester. Here, I brought you some ice for your hand.'

He smiled and shook his head.

'I know I've said this before, but what would I ever do without you?'

I didn't answer him. I just put the bag of ice on his hand and wrapped it in the towel. He then looked over at Charles.

'Eshton, will you leave us alone?'

His friend gave him a sympathetic look and left the study.

When Charles closed the door behind him I reluctantly asked,

'What did Mason mean when he asked if I was one of your whores?'

Mr. Rochester sighed and put his head down.

'Jane, my life these past ten years has been complicated. After the Celine fiasco and some other bad relationships I swore off women. Unfortunately, I am a man, and I have needs. But I was sick of being used for my money. I decided to turn the tables, or so I deluded myself into believing.' He looked up at me. 'I made the decided to pay money to have my needs met.'

'So, in other words, you slept with some prostitutes.'

He shook his head.

'Not prostitutes, Jane, high class courtesans. These are glamorous, highly educated women who are paid sensual companions. I reasoned to myself that in the long run it was cheaper and better for me because there was no emotional attachment. I got what I wanted and there were no strings attached.

'It was a good idea in theory, but after a while I felt like crap about myself. Sure the sex was fantastic, but I missed the feelings that went along with it. Once the deed was done it felt strange to lay around in bed with a woman I didn't know cuddling and laughing. And falling asleep in her arms was out of the question, at least for me because the whole situation made me feel really uncomfortable. I missed feeling loved, and I still felt like I was being used. So, I ended my association with the service I had been using and headed back home to Thornfield. That is why I was in the bar the night we met. I was trying to forget what I had done by drinking myself into a stupor.'

I put my hand on his shoulder.

'And now you are worried about the repercussions of Mason leaking this information to the papers. You're afraid of what your business associates will think of you.'

He looked at me.

'I was. But now I only care about how one persons thinks of me.'

'I'm sure Blanche will understand when you explain it to her.'

'No, Jane, I meant. . .'

At that moment Blanche flew into the study.

'Oh Edward, I just heard what happened! I cannot believe that I missed your fight. How dare that evil man show his face here!' She then walked over to the desk and pulled Edward's head into her bosom. I took that as my cue to leave.

Needing to get out of the house for a while, I walked to the chestnut tree and sat down. I wasn't alone for long because Charles soon joined me.

'Is this seat taken?'

I smiled and patted the grass.

'Nope, sit down.'

We both stared off into space for a few minutes until he said,

'It must be really hard on you to have all of us invade Thornfield like we did.'

I laughed.

'It has made things interesting, but Mr. Rochester has every right to entertain his friends. It is his home after all.'

'So. . . what do you think of Blanche Ingram?'

I tried not to express what I truly felt.

'She is very beautiful,' I began.

'That is not what I am asking you. Do you like her?

I was confused.

'In what way?'

'Do you think she is a good person?'

'I don't know her well enough,' I lied.

'Edward and I have known her for a long time and she can be a tough pill to swallow.'

I was shocked at what he was telling me and blurted out,

'Then why is he going to ask her to marrying him?'

Charles looked surprised.

'How do you know he is going to propose to her?'

I looked down at the ground.

'I found an engagement ring in his jacket pocket that night at the country club.'

He laughed,

'You know, Jane, when we are all in the parlor after dinner, I see you studying the two of them.'

I got defensive.

'I don't study them! I study at everyone. I watch poor Mary pine after Freddie Dent. I watch Mrs. Ingram get wasted on the the couch. . .'

'Relax, Jane. You are a funny one, you know that?'

I didn't know what he was getting at.

'Edward told me you are a very insightful woman. But I think your self-preservation gets in the way, and you can't see what is right under your nose.'

'What are you talking about?'

He sighed.

'Your future happiness it is right in front of you, but you don't reach out and grab it. You are willing to suffer in silence instead of taking a chance and putting yourself out there.'

I stood up abruptly.

'I need to go,' and took off for the house thinking, Oh my God, Charles Eshton likes me!

Lost in my own little world, I was trying to reconcile what Charles said to me when I literally bumped into Mrs. Poole on the way to my room. I lost it again.

'Your brother was here. How dare he blackmail Mr. Rochester!'

She laughed at me and said over her shoulder as she walked away,

'You really don't have a clue, do you?'

Now I was very confused and realized that everyone at Thornfield trying to drive me crazy!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - Adult Content

Not wanting to be near anyone, especially Charles, I blew off dinner and paced the floor of my room, spending most of the time thinking about how I was going to tell him that I like him only as a friend, without letting him know that my heart belonged to someone else.

At one point I did glance at the clock on my nightstand and saw that it was about the time everyone congregated in the parlor after dinner. I immediately wondered if Mr. Rochester was really going to come get me himself because I wasn't there. My breath caught as I listened for his footsteps in the hall or the sound of his knock on my door. As time passed and he didn't come for me, I didn't know whether to be hurt or thankful that I wasn't missed, so I went to bed.

Unfortunately, I woke up the next morning feeling awful due to lack of restful sleep and a bad dream. I dreamed that Blanche Ingram had banished me from Thornfield. That she had thrown all of my meager possessions on the lawn before slamming the huge front door in my face as Mr. Rochester stood behind her and looked on in amusement.

Wanting to hide under the covers all day, but knowing I couldn't, I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and took a quick shower. While I was dressing, someone knocked on my door. Before I could answer it, Adele barreled into my room and landed on my bed.

'Miss Eyre, you missed all of the excitement last night. Mr. Eshton took Uncle Edward to the hospital!'

I panicked as I pictured Mr. Rochester sick or worse, dead.

'Oh my God! Is he alright?'

She laughed.

'It was just to see if his hand was broken. It's not and he is fine.'

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Adele noticed.

'You like my uncle, don't you.'

Not expecting that, I stuttered,

'Of course I like him. He is a great boss.'

She laughed again.

'That's not what I meant and you know it. . . Are you ready to go?'

As we made our way down the stairs, I saw Mr. Rochester walking with Charles out the front door. I watched with great interest as Charles put his luggage in his car, hugged Mr. Rochester and then waved as he drove away. Needless to say, I was very relieved to see him go because I knew I did not have the strength to confront him today.

Heading to the kitchen with a new found appetite, I saw Mrs. Fairfax sitting at the table with her head in one hand and a half empty wine glass in the other. She looked up at me and groaned,

'If I could offer you some words of advice, Jane, be careful what you wish for because you just might get it!'

I put my hand on her shoulder.

'Is everything alright, Mrs. Fairfax?'

She shook her head,

'Don't mind me.' She then sat up in her chair and her eyes grew large. 'Didn't you hear the news? Mr. Rochester is going to propose to Miss Ingram!' she said with as much excitement as she could muster.

My heart ripped in two as I collapsed on a chair.

'How do you know?' I asked trying to sound calm, cool and collected when I really wanted scream NOOOOOOOO! at the top of my lungs.

She rolled her eyes.

'Blanche told me herself. In fact, she has been running around here saying that she overheard Mr. Rochester telling Charles that he was finally going to do it. Don't you think that's exciting?'

'I'm so excited that I have no words to tell you how I am feeling at this moment,' I replied dryly.

She didn't seem to notice my lack of enthusiasm and blathered,

'I wonder if he will do it here or take her somewhere special? Maybe he will do it under the chestnut tree or in the garden. I guess it doesn't matter where it happens because he is going to marry that wonderful woman.'

Caught up in my own despair, I didn't hear the sarcasm in her voice. My mouth dropped,

'You cannot be serious! Blanche doesn't deserve him. She doesn't deserve to lick the ground he walks on!'

Mrs. Fairfax laughed at my reaction.

'Jane, this is not like you. Where is all of this hostility coming from?'

I got up and pushed my chair in.

'I need to go teach Adele.'

I spent the rest of the morning trying to take my mind off of what Mrs. Fairfax had told me, but it was impossible. Adele could see that I was distracted and took pity on me by not giving me a hard time and doing her work. We took a quick lunch break and resumed her lessons in the afternoon. Adele, seeing that I was still discombobulated said,

'Miss Eyre, I wouldn't worry about what is bothering you so much. It will all work out in the end.'

I hugged her and almost started to cry.

'I wish that was true, Adele.

After we finished up a very long afternoon of comparing fractions, I headed for my room where I changed into a sports bra and shorts. I was on my way to take out my frustrations on the heavy punching bag when I ran into Blanche. She smiled a huge, toothy smile.

'Did you hear the good news, Jane? Edward is taking my advice and is going to propose.'

I stopped dead in my tracks.

'Taking your advice?'

She laughed.

'All men need a little nudge in the right direction. I just told him that he deserves to be happy so. . .'

I interrupted.

'And you think his marrying you will make him happy?'

She put her hand on my shoulder.

'Jane, Edward and I are meant to be together. This has been coming for a very long time.' She looked down her nose at me. 'Long before you showed up at Thornfield.'

Looking directly at her I replied,

'I don't know what to say except. . . I hope Mr. Rochester is very happy with his choice,' and continued on down the stairs.

When I got to the gym I put on my gloves and began punching and kicking the heavy bag like a woman who was fighting for her very survival. In a only a few minutes I was sweaty and disheveled, but didn't care and was so lost in an adrenaline fueled rage that I didn't notice Mr. Rochester had come in the room.

'Nice kick, Jane,' he said with a huge smile that I didn't see.

I grunted and continued pummeling the bag.

'Are you upset about something?' he asked as he walked over to me.

I gave the bag one last swift kick and lost all sense of control. After throwing my gloves on the ground, I whipped around and began hitting his chest over and over while spewing my innermost feelings.

'How can you marry that stuck-up, selfish bitch! You deserve so much better than her. She doesn't love you like I do. No one will ever love you like I do!' I kept beating Mr. Rochester's chest until he had had enough. Somehow, he managed to get behind me and pin my arms across my stomach. 'You're hurting me!' I cried out, struggling against his body.

He tightened his grip.

'Then stop struggling, Jane!'

It was then that I felt his arousal pressing into my lower back. My body immediately relaxed into his even though I knew it was wrong to do so. He was as good as engaged and I would normally not consider having sex with a man who was betrothed to someone else, but my body had other ideas.

So I pictured Mr. Rochester and Blanche on their wedding day trying to make myself stop what I was about to do. But then I asked myself, how could I deny myself this one glimpse of my idea of heaven? I had fantasized about this day since we met. This was my one chance, I reasoned and I was going to take it. Hopefully this one act would sustain me for the rest of my life because I knew there would never be another man. I would never love anyone like I loved Edward Fairfax Rochester.

And when I felt his lips caress down my neck, I decided that after I did whatever came naturally, I was going to have to leave Thornfield for good, knowing that I would be unable to live under the same roof with Mr. Rochester if I couldn't have him all to myself.

Turning to face him, I forcefully grabbed the back of his head and pressed my mouth to his. Now, having had no real world experience with kissing, I just brushed my lips softly over his, barely touching them. Mr. Rochester responded immediately by tightened his arms around me and saying,

'No. Like this,' right before his mouth plundered mine.

My body tremble as our tongues hungrily teased and tasted, giving and taking until I was lost, almost drowning in the pleasure of his kiss.

His arms loosened, and before I knew it, Mr. Rochester effortlessly removed my sports bra, and pushed me up against the mirrored wall. Dropping to his knees, he devoured my breasts with his lips and tongue, licking and sucking and rolling over them again and again like a starving animal. I shuddered with delight as the contrast between the coolness of the mirror on my back and the warmth of his mouth on my sensitive skin only intensified the pleasure.

Mr. Rochester then kissed down my stomach until he reached the waistband of my shorts where he paused for a moment before ripping them and my panties down. As I was stepping out of them, he braced his arm between my thighs and began ravishing me wildly with his tongue. I leaned back against the mirror and writhed over him. When Mr. Rochester stopped abruptly, I groaned loudly in protest.

He stood up and our eyes locked. All I could see was unbridled desire in his flashing black orbs. It was at that moment I realized there was no way I would be able to stop him even if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. So, with trembling hands, I pushed his shorts and boxer briefs to the floor and waited to see what was going to happen next.

Mr. Rochester let out a primal moan before roughly taking my face in his hands and assaulting my lips with his. His tongue probed my mouth violently while his hands caressed down my body and hooked under my bottom. He then picked me up as if I weighed nothing and slammed me up against the mirror. I wrapped my legs around his hips allowing him to plunge deep inside of me. Thankfully, my body didn't resist the invasion and I was able to cry out in pleasure and not in pain.

With every powerful thrust of his body I could hear the giant mirror crackle and pop as I felt it shift behind me. It could break into a million pieces for all I cared. Nothing was going to stop this moment, I thought as we both surrendered loudly to the hunger that had been building up between us for some time.

After the last torrent racked my body, I carefully peeled myself off of the mirror and he put me down. I quickly gathered up my clothes and made my way for the door as Mr. Rochester pulled up his shorts. He looked shocked.

'Jane, what are you doing? Where are you going?'

I turned to him and feeling a bit exposed, tried to cover myself up the best I could with the clothes I had in my hand.

'I cannot stay here if you are going to marry Blanche. I must go. . . now!'

He laughed so hard his body shook and tears ran down his face. I was furious.

'Are you laughing at me? Was this all a huge joke to you?'

Wiping away the tears, he walked towards me and tried to grab my arm.

'No, Jane. This was no joke.'

I pulled away, dropping my clothes, and let him have it.

'Was this a mercy fuck then, Mr. Rochester? Did the master of the house take pity on the poor, plain governess by allowing me one quick glimpse of heaven? And now that you have had your fun, are you going to cast me aside because it meant nothing to you? Well it meant something to me! I am not a machine. I cannot continue working here like this never happened!

'I know I am not beautiful like Blanche, but I deserve just as much respect as she does.' I stood up straight and held my head high. 'In fact, I think I deserve more!'

He took me in his arms.

'Jane, you are right! You deserve much more, a thousand times more. This morning I told Eshton that I was finally going to propose to you, not Blanche. I guess she overheard us talking and assumed I was speaking about her. I love you, Jane. I have never and could never love Blanche Ingram!'

I must have looked like I didn't believe him because he blurted out,

'What, you doubt my feelings for you?'

'Yes!'

'And what do you say now?'

My mouth was quickly captured by his, but I couldn't respond and pulled away.

'I see you have no faith in me.'

I shook my head.

'How can I? You let me believe that you were going to marry Blanche!'

'I did no such thing! Other people did. I just never corrected them. How else was I to find out how you felt about me? he smiled while caressing my cheek.

'Well, you could have asked me,' I replied peevishly.

'Yes, but would you have told me the truth?'

I didn't answer him.

'Jane, we are meant to be together. You have to know, I fell in love with you the moment you pinned that drunk up against the wall in the bar.' He chuckled, 'I'll let you in on a little secret. . . I was very jealous of that man!'

I looked deep into his eyes and saw our future flash before me. It was all I could hope for and more, much more. When Mr. Rochester brought his mouth down to mine, this time I kissed him back. He then pulled away and laughed,

'This is not how I wanted to do this, but. . .' He got down on one knee and looked up at me with his dark, sexy eyes. 'Jane, I truly believe that God put you on this earth to compliment me. I feel as though you are my second self, and that if you ever left me I would bleed inwardly because we are somehow connected to one another. I love you like my. . . no. . . more than my own flesh. Please, Jane, I beg you. Take me as your husband, and make my happiness. I promise, I will make yours.'

How could I say no. I got down on my knees, took his face in my hands and kissed Mr. Rochester with all of the love I was feeling for him. He pulled away from me again and joked,

'You know, you are going to have to start calling me Edward now.'

I smiled and resumed kissing him. We remained in that position on the floor, kissing and laughing until he helped me up. When we were standing again, he stood back and silently admired my naked body. Then he shook his head.

'I can't believe these words are about to come out of my mouth right now. . . Put on your clothes, Jane.'

'Why? Where are we going?' I asked as I gathered up my things and dressed.

He smiled,

'Up to our room.'


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 - Adult Content

After I was dressed, Edward grabbed my hand and led me up the back stairs. About half way up, we ran into Mrs. Fairfax who was going in the opposite direction with a basket full of dirty linens.

'Mr. Rochester, I'm sorry it took so long, but I have just gotten around to changing your bed. Is there anything else you want?'

He smiled,

'Yes, Mrs. Fairfax. We don't want to be disturbed.'

It was at that moment she noticed me standing behind Edward, holding his hand. I blushed deeply even though I thought I saw a small smile form on her lips.

'As you wish, sir,' was all she said as she continued on her way.

My first instinct was to go after her and explain everything. And I was just about to do so, when Edward read my mind.

'Don't worry about Mrs. Fairfax,' he chuckled. 'I think you can do no wrong in her eyes because she loves you almost as much as I do. But if it will make you feel any better, I will take her aside and talk to her later. OK?'

As much as I didn't want to ruin Mrs. Farifax's good opinion of me, I threw all caution to the wind and followed Edward to his room.

When we got there, he opened the door with a grand flourish and asked,

'Do you like it?'

I walked over to his huge bed and smiled.

'I love any place where you are.'

Taking me in his arms, Edward kissed me while guiding my body down on the freshly changed linens.

'Wait!' I cried out.

He pulled me up and looked concerned.

'Is something wrong, Jane?'

I blushed again and giggled.

'Do you mind if I use your shower first?'

He buried his nose in my neck as his hands went under my bottom.

'But you smell so good,' he mumbled.

I halfheartedly pushed him away.

'Please,' I begged. 'I promise I will make it up to you.'

Edward sighed while motioning to his bathroom door.

I went into his bathroom, undressed and entered the glass enclosed shower. As soon as I turned the lever, my body was engulfed in water from the twelve showers heads on the tile walls and the one from up above. Never had anything felt more wonderful in my life! No, scratch that. But it was really good none the less.

Pretty soon I was playing with the knobs, trying out different levels of water pressure and configurations of spray, and was having so much fun that I didn't realize Edward had removed his clothes and was leaning against the vanity watching me. When I turned around, I saw that he was very much aroused. He also had a very naughty looking smile on his face and appeared to have something to say to me. I moved closer to the glass door in order to hear him.

'I'm here to make sure you make good on your promise.'

'What would you like me to do?' I asked as my body quivered in anticipation.

'Wash yourself.'

I was a little confused.

'What?'

He walked over to the shower door and said very slowly,

'I want to watch you wash yourself.'

'Why?'

'Because it is sexy as hell, that's why! Now grab some soap and get to it,' he laughed as he resumed his stance by the vanity.

I lathered up my hands and started with my neck and shoulders, not really sure how this was sexy, but thought, whatever, as I moved on to my arms. The soap had washed away by this point, so I lathered up again. I looked out at Edward and could see that he was watching me intently, anticipating what I was going to do next. Knowing what he wanted me to do, but wanting to tease him, I ran my hands up and down my stomach instead. This isn't so bad, I thought to myself, and started to get into it the lower my hands went on my body. I was getting really turned on now, so I foamed up my hands, move closer to the glass, and began slowly caressing both of my breasts at the same time. And then one at a time as my other hand roamed my body. Edward let out a guttural moan when my fingers swirled my soapy nipples.

'Now rinse off,' he ordered with a slight crack in his voice.

I backed up into the spray and let the water rinse me off.

The next thing I knew, the glass shower door was flung open and I was pulled out and wrapped up in a huge towel. Edward then kissed my lips aggressively before he began to dry me off with the towel and his mouth. He kneeled on the floor and starting at my feet, kissed and blotted his way up each of my legs. The path his lips took left a trail of fire in their wake. I threw my head back and gasped for air while my body swayed under the shear ecstasy of his mouth brushing softly against my skin. When I looked down, I saw Edward smiling to himself as he continued drying me. By the time his lips reached my inner thigh we were both breathing heavily.

'There is something we need to finish,' he said as he stood up and carried me off to his bed.

Edward lay me down and brushed his lips gently across my forehead, my closed eyes, my cheeks, my nose, and my chin before he lowered his head and encircled my nipple. I rejoiced in the feel of his warm breath and sensuous mouth on my breasts as he sucked and nipped at them. And when his lips glided down and around my body, the fire that he had ignited on my skin when I came out of the shower burned brighter and hotter than before, causing me to arch up and cry out.

He eventually returned to my breasts and paid homage to them again while his fingers traveled down my stomach and nestled between my thighs where I was longing for his touch. His fingers stroked, skated, and danced all around the sensitive folds while he continued to swirl my nipple with his tongue. Edward stopped briefly only to ask,

'Do you like this, Jane?'

I could barely say yes.

Frowning playfully he replied,

'If you can still speak then I am not doing my job,' as he pushed his fingers deep inside of me.

I involuntarily sat up and cried out again.

After Edward gently pushed me back on the bed, he dove down my body to my most intimate area. I moaned as he continued to tease and master me, this time with his tongue, while his fingers moved inside of me. I begged for him to stop, but he just kept bringing me to the brink of ecstasy and drawing me back. So I trembled in agonized pleasure under the weight of his body and his control until he finally allowed my sweet release. My body convulsed violently until I was spent.

As I lay breathlessly on the rumpled sheets, I closed my eyes. My head was spinning and I couldn't move, not that I wanted to and lost myself in the afterglow. When I finally opened my eyes, Edward was looking down on me, grinning.

'I'm not finished with you yet. I want to watch you make love to me.'

He then lay down next to me with his hands behind his head and waited. All I could do was nod my head at this point. Eventually, I pick myself up and slowly lowered my body onto his, delighting in every delicious inch of him. He gripped my bottom tightly as I slowly moved over him, enjoying the pleasure that was rebuilding inside of me. In raising his knees to get some leverage, Edward forced me forward, causing me to cry out yet again, but not sending me over the edge. I reached back and fondled him as I continued my ride. Now he cried out and moved faster under me. Since I was still engorged from before, it didn't take long for me to succumb again. As I threw my head back, ready to bask in the rippling waves of pleasure, he sat up excitedly and forced me backwards. I grabbed onto his arms to steady myself and heard him cry out,

'Say my name! Call me by my name!'

'Oh, Edward! I yelled out at the top of my lungs as I rocked forcefully over him, letting the white hot pleasure take me. 'My God, Edward!'

When I was done, he lay back down and let me take him as slow or as fast as I wanted. Edward was at my mercy for about ten more minutes before he went over the edge. I smiled as I watched him arch his back, put his hands on my hips, and pull them down so he could release himself deep into my body. I felt very powerful at that moment because my actions caused him great pleasure and quietly prayed that I would never take that for granted.

Once the heavy breathing subsided, he pulled my sweaty body down on his and kissed my hair. As I lay on him I couldn't help but think that I was the luckiest woman in the word. I was marrying my best friend who is now my lover. Life couldn't get any better than that! I eventually rolled off of him. Edward snuggled up against me and sighed.

'This is how it is supposed to be, Jane.' He then kissed my shoulder. 'Thank you.'

'Thank you? For what?'

His arm tightened around my waist.

'For loving me.'

I rolled over and kissed him with everything that I had.

Instead of going to sleep, we spent most of the night laughing and exploring each other's bodies with no purpose other than to get to know one another intimately. I started with his ears and nibbled my way down to his toes discovering all sorts of wonderful things along the way. Don't tell anyone, but Edward loves to have his earlobes sucked and his fuzzy inner thigh stroked very slowly until he can't take it anymore. And he discovered that I have a constellation of freckles on my shoulder which he says he has memorized, and a delectable dimple (his words, not mine!) on my derriere which he loves to stick in tongue in every chance he gets. Oh, and he gives the best foot rubs! Edward says there is a spot on your foot that can cause an orgasm if you massage it in just the right way. He couldn't find it, but his attempt still felt really good. I guess we are going to have to do some research on the subject.

We finally fell asleep in each others arms sometime after four in the morning. Unfortunately, we were both woken up two hours later by a knock on the door.

'Who is it?' Edward groaned after kissing me hungrily on my lips.

A sultry voice answered,

'It's me. Can I come in?'

It was Blanche! Edward turned to me and said quietly, with a devilish look in his eye,

'Want to have some fun?'

I giggled.

'What do you want me to do?'

'Hide under the blankets and follow my lead.'

He covered me and then told her to come in. Blanche came into the bedroom wearing a very revealing teddy and a unbelted short bathrobe.

'So, I hear you are finally ready to get married,' I heard her say seductively, not noticing that there was a huge lump in the bed.

'Yes, I am. So, Blanche, will you do me the honor of. . . '

I heard her gasp.

'Being the first one to congratulate us. Jane and I are to be married.'

I sat up making sure I was covered appropriately and smiled. Edward leaned over and kissed me possessively on my mouth while Blanche's face ran through the gamut of unreserved joy to total cluelessness.

'Huh?'

'I took your advice and proposed to Jane yesterday. Aren't you happy for us, Blanche? I thought you said I deserved to be happy and Jane makes me happy, very happy,' he said as he kissed my shoulder.

'I. . . I. . . I don't know what to say,' she stuttered while shooting me a dirty look.

'If you don't know what to say, then I do,' Edward interjected. 'I want you and your freeloading guests out of my house by the time I am finished making love to Jane. That should give you two to three hours to pack up.' He then turned to me and winked.

I caressed his chest and retorted,

'Edward, if you are anything like you were last night and this morning, then they will have at least four hours!'

Blanche huffed and stormed out of the room.

A part of me did feel bad for Blanche, but not a big enough part to go after her and apologize. Edward just roared with laughter and I forgot all about making Blanche feel bad when I saw him get up to shut the bedroom door.

'Where are you going?' I teased as I pulled him back on the bed. 'You just told Blanche that you were going to make love to me for at least three hours!'

He smiled and pushed me down on the rumpled linens.

'God help me I will, or die trying!'


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 - Adult Content

Thankfully Edward didn't die trying, but he did sleep for over two hours afterwards. As I listened to him softly snore I couldn't help but think that something wasn't right. I was happy and I like to think that he was happy, but I just couldn't put my finger on what I was feeling. So I chalked it up to a bad nights rest and caressed his deliciously hairy chest.

Edward opened his eyes and quickly captured my mouth with his.

'You are absolutely irresistible, Jane.'

I pulled back from him.

'What did you just say?'

He smiled and buried his face in my neck.

'You are absolutely irresistible and a very naughty girl. . . I know you like to peek.'

I blushed and knowing he referred to our time at the bar stammered,

'But I thought you didn't remember anything!'

He laughed at me.

'I remember everything like it was yesterday. I remember you telling me that you thought I was handsome. I remember you helping me up the stairs. I remember kissing you. Sorry I missed your mouth by the way. I remember you laughing at me when I said I wanted to make love to you. I remember you undressing me.' He then smiled devilishly, 'I remember you trying to get a good look at me. And I remember you spooning me and running your fingers through my hair until I fell asleep.'

Not knowing what to say, I put a pillow over my face and groaned. Edward gave me a minute or two before he lifted up the pillow and threw it on the floor.

'You can't hide under there forever, Jane. You did nothing wrong. What you did made me love you even more. You helped me without asking for anything in return. I am not use to that.'

I really wanted that pillow back so I could beat him with it.

'But why did you lie to me and say that you didn't remember anything?'

'When I woke up the next morning in that strange bed I knew I had to see you again, but I didn't know where to start. So I came home to Thornfield, locked myself in my study and tried to figure out what to do. I knew it was love at first sight, but my inner voice kept reminding me that I didn't really know you. That you might be like all of the other women I thought I loved. I decided right then and there that if it was meant to be I would somehow see you again. And wouldn't you know it, you walked into my study that night as Adele's governess. I wanted to take you in my arms the moment I saw you and tell you that I loved you, but that would have been foolish. I was now your boss and you were living under my roof, so I stupidly reprimanded you like I was your father, trying to push aside my feelings until I got to know you better.

'I soon realized that I was failing miserably at denying my feelings for you. That made me very angry with myself because here I am, a thirty-eight year old man, letting an eighteen year old young woman get under his skin and into his heart. I knew it was wrong, but I took my frustrations with myself out on you on more than one occasion. I'm sorry I did that, Jane. You did not deserve to be yelled at and I want you to know that I woke up every morning and prayed that I hadn't scared you away with my childish outbursts.'

I put my hand on his chest.

'Then why did you tell me you thought of me as your little sister?'

Edward laughed,

'Because I didn't know how you felt about me, especially since I had been yelling at you all of the time. I knew you liked me as a friend, but I didn't know if your feelings went deeper than that. I guess I was just protecting myself. I didn't want to risk being rejected by the woman I was madly in love with, so I suffered in silence. . .'

I laughed to myself while he continued because I could relate.

'But I wanted to be with you constantly. So I said that I wanted to spend more time with Adele, but in reality, I really wanted to spend more time getting to know you.'

I leaned over and kissed him hard on his mouth.

'Imagine where we would be now if we had been honest with each other from the start. I would have slept better, that's for sure.'

'Yeah, but I wouldn't have gotten to watch you take your frustrations out on the heavy punching bag. You're very sexy when you are beating the crap out of that thing.'

'I thought someone was watching me! You are a very naughty boy, Edward.'

He rolled me onto my back.

'Say that again, Jane.'

'You are a very naughty boy, Edward,' I said seductively.

'What are you going to do about it?'

I reached up and playfully slapped his bottom.

'Ooh, do that again!'

I happily obliged as he began kissing my neck.

We spent the rest of the morning laughing and loving. I never wanted to leave his room, but my stomach growled loudly, so we reluctantly pulled ourselves out of bed. He showered and dressed, and I went down to my room to do the same. We figured if we showered together we would never get out of there.

When I was done, I went down to the kitchen and saw Mrs. Fairfax sitting at the table reading a book. She looked up when I entered the room.

'Good morning, Jane. Sleep well?'

How could I tell her that I didn't sleep well because I was too busy getting to know Edward's magnificent body? So I smiled and settled on,

'I did. Thanks for asking.'

She put her book down and sighed.

'Jane, you know I love you like a granddaughter and I think you will make Mr. Rochester very happy. You certainly will be good for him, but. . .'

My face showed my displeasure as I sat down.

'But what?'

'You are so young and inexperienced and he is old enough to be your father.'

Sitting back in my chair, I remembered Edward pleasuring me in the most intimate of ways. I bristled.

'But he is not my father, Mrs. Fairfax!'

She put her hand on mine.

'I know he is not, Jane. It's just. . .'

'What? Am I too plain to be loved?

Mrs. Fairfax laughed.

'Jane, you are a beautiful young woman, and I can see that he loves you. It is as obvious as the nose on his face that he has had feelings for you since the day you two met, but I never thought that he would ever act on them. To put it politely, Mr. Rochester has a history of falling for women who aren't as right-minded as you.' She sighed again, 'I just hope you know what you are getting yourself into and are marrying him for the right reasons.'

My pride was wounded at what I thought she was implying. I stood up abruptly.

'Do you think I am marrying him for his money? How dare you accuse me of that! I would be just as happy living with him in a cardboard box down by the Hudson River!'

'Then I will put Thornfield up for sale immediately!' came a booming voice from the hall. 'Think of all the money we are going to save,' Edward continued joking as he came up behind me and put his arms around my waist. 'But we will need more than one box. Adele will need a place to sleep.'

I nudged him and laughed while Mrs. Fairfax shot him a look that I didn't understand.

'That is not what I meant. . .'

'Don't worry about it, he interrupted. 'I know we are getting married for the right reasons. She loves me for me, warts and all and I love her for being her strong and sexy self. That is all that matters.'

I turned my face to his and he kissed me.

'If I haven't said this already, please don't ever change, Jane. I love you just the way you are.'

'Then when are you two going to set a date?' Mrs. Fairfax asked as she looked down her book.

Edward became nervous all of a sudden.

'I don't know. I haven't even given Jane a ring yet.' He looked at his watch. 'Oh, look at the time. I need to make a phone call and get some work done. Duty calls. Please excuse me, my darling,' he rambled as he kissed me again before leaving the room.

That was weird, I thought as I went to the refrigerator to get something to eat. It was like he couldn't wait to get out of here.

Adele came in as I was fixing a sandwich on the counter.

'Are you feeling better, Miss Eyre? I heard you and Uncle Edward weren't feeling well last night.'

Mrs. Fairfax raised her eyebrow at me and chimed in.

'Yes, dear, she is feeling much better. Aren't you, Jane?'

I smiled and gushed,

'Much better and you know why? Your uncle has asked me to marry him!'

Adele looked at me with not a hint of emotion on her face.

'Took him long enough. Thank God it wasn't Miss Ingram.'

'Adele!' I laughed as I kissed her forehead.

'You're right, Adele. Thank God it wasn't Miss Ingram,' repeated Mrs. Fairfax with a huge smile on her face.

I leaned over, kissed her on the forehead as well, and then ate my sandwich.

Not wanting anything to change even though I was marring Edward, I continued with Adele's lessons after lunch. I think she thought she would get a reprieve like she had had this morning, but I sadly burst her bubble. We worked diligently until five o'clock trying to make up for lost time. When we were finished I was feeling anxious, so I decided to work out.

On my way to the gym I ran into Mrs. Poole. She was coming up from the kitchen with a dinner tray. She nodded at me and said,

'I heard about your engagement to Mr. Rochester. Congratulations, but don't let him forget about his other responsibilities.'

I put my hand on her arm.

'Oh, I won't let him forget about Adele.'

Mrs. Poole just shook her head as she walked away.

When I got to the heavy punching bag I realized that I didn't have anyone's face to picture on it. Then why did I feel the need to attack it? I thought as I pummeled the bag.

My body was quick to let me know that I over did it, so I let the bag off the hook, so to speak, and decided to soothe my aching muscles in the spa. After stripping off my sweaty clothes and slowly lowering myself into the hot, bubbling water, I lay back against a jet as I always did when my lower back was bothering me, and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Edward was standing in the doorway with a bathrobe on.

'I was hoping that I would find you here. May I join you?' he asked as he removed his robe.

I gasped and smiled.

'I think you are happy to see me.'

He climbed into the water and I saw that look of unbridled desire in his eyes again. My heart raced as I braced myself against the side of the tub and waited.

'Jane, I am always happy to see you,' he said lecherously as he pulled me forward, wrapped his arms around my back and penetrated my mouth with his tongue, savagely tasting and teasing me until I was half out of my mind.

The weight of his body against mine forced me out of the water and over the side of the tub. His strong arms supported my arched back, opening up my neck and breasts to his burning gaze and all consuming lips. I clung to his soft, unruly hair as he ran his lips up and down my neck before taking my wet nipples in his mouth one by one, sucking them dry.

'I need you right now,' he growled.

Edward brought me back down into the water, opened my legs and entered me in one hard push and then withdrew, teasing me and himself. He did it again and again and again until he couldn't resist the tight warmth and softness that enveloped him when he was thrusting deep inside of me.

I felt like I was going to faint. I didn't know if it was because the water was so hot, or because I was so turned on, but I managed to stay alert, and enjoy the pounding my body was taking. Edward was so aggressive that every time he pushed deeper into my body, water overflowed our side of the spa, flooding the tile floor. At the rate he was going I was sure there would be no water left when he was done. Mercifully, it didn't take long for our mutual pleasure to wash over us. I buried my face in his neck as I surrendered, and he gripped the sides of the spa as he cried out. Never wanting this moment to end, I mourned my loss when Edward sat down next to me in the water.

He then looked over his shoulder.

'This is all your fault, Jane,' he chided.

I snorted as I gestured to the soaked floor.

'My fault? How is this my fault?'

He said very seriously,

'You made me do this.'

'I didn't make you do anything,' I laughed. 'You seem to have forgotten that you came looking for me.'

'Yes, but the reason I was looking for you was that I remembered seeing you and your exquisite breasts in the hot tub a while back, and wanted to live out a fantasy that has kept me company these past few weeks.'

I playfully hit him on the arm.

'So you did see me that day!'

He smiled,

'I was standing in the doorway for a long time before you opened your eyes. I almost got in the tub and took you then, but somehow I managed to control myself. I still don't know how I did it.'

I laughed.

'And here I thought you were mad at me and didn't want to share your workout room.'

A look of surprise appeared on his face.

'Mad at you?! I wanted to make love to you. . . in the spa, on the mats, on the weight bench. . .'

I interrupted him with a kiss.

'You really thought about this.'

Edward chuckled,

'There was no thinking involved, believe me. I wanted you, needed you, desired you. . . What would you have done if I had gotten in the spa with you that day and made love to you?' He kissed me right under my ear. 'Would you have told me to stop?'

'Most definitely,' I teased.

His lips glided down my neck.

'Would you have kicked me out?

I shivered as I felt his excitement growing against my leg.

'Umm, yes.'

He then took my nipple in his mouth.

'Or would you have. . .'

Not letting him finish, I forcefully grabbed his face and captured his mouth with mine. My body was on his so quickly that he didn't have time to think straight. I rode him fast and hard, forcing water onto the floor again until we were both spent. Looking over his shoulder at the even bigger mess we made, I laughed.

'This is all your fault, Edward. . .'


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 - Adult Content

There was no way we were going to allow Mrs. Fairfax to clean up our mess, so we got out of the spa, dressed and proceeded to mop up the floor. Thankfully, Edward had the foresight to have a drain installed by the tub so we could push all of the water into it. After about ten minutes of not so hard work and fifteen really bad pirate jokes and imitations, we were finished. As I was putting the mops away, he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

'I want you to put on your blue dress and be at the top of the stairs at seven o'clock.'

I smiled and leaned into him.

'Why, what are we doing?'

'You'll see,' he replied before planting a kiss in the curve of my neck.

We both went up to our respective rooms and I showered and changed into my beautiful blue dress and heels. Then I tried to fix my hair and make-up like Adele had and didn't do a bad of a job of it. As the grandfather clock chimed seven times, I made my way down the hall to the top of the stairs.

When I got there, Edward was waiting for me at the bottom wearing his tuxedo with his shirt collar open just how I liked it. It took all of my self-control not to run down the stairs and rip off his tux in the hall. Be patient, the voices in my head said. Good things come to those who wait!

So I glided down the stairs and when I got to the bottom, Edward kissed my hand and led me to the dining room. He opened the door and guided me to the table that was set for two with the Rochester family china, silver and crystal. There were also two sterling silver candelabras on the table, and a huge arrangement of the most stunning flowers that I had ever seen. The room looked beautiful bathed in the candlelight. Edward held out my chair and I sat down. He then pushed my chair in and sat next to me. I looked around the room and was blown away.

'You did all of this for me?'

He smiled.

'There were four things I didn't get to do with you last Saturday night. I didn't get to eat with you and I didn't get to dance with you.'

'That's only two. What are the others?'

His eyes sparkled in the candlelight.

'You are just going to have to wait and see.'

Edward leaned over and lifted the silver dome off of my plate to reveal a delectable meal of chicken breasts stuffed with lobster bathed in a light cream sauce with asparagus and orzo on the side. I was in heaven the food smelled so good.

'I hope you like it. I didn't know what to order for you, so I took a guess.'

I leaned in and kissed him. He then took the dome off of his plate and began eating Veal Marsala with mushrooms, prosciutto, and spinach over angel hair pasta. The meal couldn't have been more perfect. We fed each other, toasted each other and laughed with each other.

When I was just about done with my food, Edward took my hand and said,

'You still owe me a dance,' as he stood up and led me away from the table. He picked up the remote for the in-house sound system and turned it on. As he pulled me into his body, "I Could Not Ask For More" by Edwin McCain played through the speakers.

Lying here with you. / Listening to the rain. / Smiling just to see, the smile upon your face. / These are the moments, I thank God that I'm alive. / These are the moments, I'll remember all my life. / I found all I've waited for. / And I could not ask for more.

Looking in your eyes. / Seeing all I need. / Everything you are, is everything to me. / These are the moments. / I know heaven must exist. / These are the moments, I know all I need is this. / I have all I've waited for. / And I could not ask for more.

I could not ask for more than this time together. / I could not ask for more than this time with you. / Every prayer has been answered. / Every dream I have's come true. / And right here in this moment, is right where I'm meant to be. / Here with you here with me.

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive. / These are the moments, I'll remember all my life. / I've got all I've waited for. / And I could not ask for more.

I could not ask for more than this time together. / I could not ask for more than this time with you. / Every prayer has been answered. / Every dream I have's come true. / And right here in this moment, is right where I'm meant to be. / Here with you here with me.

I could not ask for more than the love you give me. / 'Coz it's all I've waited for. / And I could not ask for more. / I could not ask for more.

He sang to me as I buried my face in his neck. It felt so good to be wrapped up in his strong arms that I knew, wherever Edward was, I would be home.

The song ended all to quickly and we kissed before sitting down.

'Do you have room for dessert?' he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

I laughed and patted my stomach.

'I always have room for dessert!'

He smiled,

'This is no ordinary dessert, Jane. It is made for lovers so they have the stamina to make love all night long.'

I leaned into him and put my hand on his chest,

'I don't think we need it. We do quite well on our own.'

'Then maybe we should save the tiramisu for later,' he chuckled as he took my hand. 'Come, let's go for a walk.'

We went out the front door and walked hand in hand towards the chestnut tree. When we were standing underneath it he held both of my hands and said,

'This tree holds many special memories for me. My brother and I loved playing here when we were little. We would pretend that we were knights slaying dragons and saving princesses from evil giants. But I'm afraid that this tree doesn't hold happy memories for you because I've either yelled at you here for no reason, or chose this spot to finish telling you about Celine. I want this place to be special for you, for us, so. . .' He got down on one knee, reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small black box. 'Jane, I offer you my hand, my heart, and all of my worldly possessions. All I ask in return is for you to take me, unworthy as I am, as your husband.' He chuckled, 'That is, if you still want me.'

I looked down on him and smiled,

'As long as I have your heart, I don't need anything else,' before standing him up and kissing him with the force of my whole body behind it. When we finally came up for air he cocked his head and asked with a raised eyebrow,

'So, does that mean yes?'

I took his face in my hands,

'Yes, Edward. I still want to marry you.'

We kissed again, a long, soul searching kiss, before he opened the box and showed me the ring that I had seen last Saturday night. I looked at it and gasped. It was a round diamond set in an antique filigree platinum setting. I couldn't take my eyes off of the beautiful ring. It was then I realized there was no possible way that this was ever intended for Blanche because she wouldn't have liked it. The diamond was way too small for her, but it was perfect for me. I could not believe that I didn't see that last Saturday night. I must have been really blind.

Edward looked nervous.

'Do you like it? he asked as he slipped it on my finger.

'Like it? It's perfect! Just like you.'

He laughed as the wind picked up.

'Jane, you know very well that I am not perfect and the sooner you realize that the better off we are going to be.' He then took me in his arms and looked up into the heavens. 'I cannot wait to make you mine!'

Now it was my turn to laugh.

'Edward, I've always been yours. From the moment our eyes met at the bar, I was yours and I will always be yours. Nothing will ever change that.'

He looked at me and I saw tears well up in his eyes. I lovingly kissed them away.

'Jane, I have something to tell you.'

Before he could begin, we were startled by a flash of lightening and loud rumble of thunder. He looked up to the sky again and frowned.

'There is a storm coming. Let's go inside.'

We managed to make it to the Hall right before the rain came down in sheets. The ground was so dry that the water pooled instantly on grass and ran down the slope, flooding the lower part of the driveway. Edward and I stood in the doorway and watched the light show Mother Nature was putting on for us. He seemed mesmerized by the spectacle because his face showed no emotion and his eyes never left the landscape. I watched him retreat into his own little world for sometime before I squeezed his hand and called him back to me. When he returned, he turned to me. I reached up and stroked his cheek.

'What did you want to tell me?'

'I wanted to tell you that. . . I love you, Jane.'

I smiled and replied,

'And I love you, Edward,' as he shut the door behind us.

We went back into the dining room where I blew out the candles and Edward grabbed the tiramisu before going up to his room. He closed the door behind us with his foot, put the plates down on the night stand and took me in his arms.

'Jane, you look like a goddess in that dress. . . Take it off. I want to worship you.'

Drawing confidence from every trashy novel that I have ever read, I shook my head and smiled.

'No. Tonight I am going to worship you.'

So I leaned in and traced his lips with the tip of my tongue. He parted them and I kissed him deeply, exploring his mouth very slowly before sucking gently on his lower lip. I then moved my lips down his neck, kissing and biting along the way while he started to unzip my dress. I stopped and said, while feigning exasperation,

'If you do that again, I am going to tie your hands together.'

Edward moaned softly and I went back to work pressing my lips into his open collar as I unbuttoned his shirt, intentionally leaving his tuxedo jacket on so I could make love to him while he was still wearing it. After pulling his shirt open, I looked him in the eye and seductively sucked on the tip of one of my fingers. Then I leaned over and tongued his right nipple while I swirled the left one with my saliva. Edward threw his head back and moaned loudly while enjoying the duel sensation.

When I was done teasing him, I stood upright and led him to the bed. Before I could lay him down he tried to remove my dress again. Without saying anything, I pulled away and pushed him down on the bed before walking over to his closet. I came back with one of his silk ties in my hand.

'Just remember, you asked for this,' I cooed in his ear as I tied his hands together above his head and then to the headboard. The look of excitement on his face told me he was definitely going to enjoy being restrained.

After moving to the foot of the bed, I reached behind me as gracefully as I could, and unzipped my dress while Edward stared at me and licked his lips in anticipation. Then I pushed the straps down my arms and let it fall to the floor, leaving me only in my panties. I got back on the bed and slithered up his body to his chest where I went over every inch of it with my mouth and tongue.

Since I was now in the mood for a little dessert, I leaned over to the night stand, took some on my finger, and suggestively licked it off. Edward growled like a wild animal in a cage.

'Oh, do you want some?' I asked innocently, like I had forgotten he was laying under me. He nodded his head yes, so I put some whipped cream on my finger and brought it up to his mouth. But instead of letting him lick it off, I put it on his lips and then kissed them clean. When I was done, I pulled my head back and gave him a very naughty smile.

'What's that for,' he asked breathlessly.

'You'll see,' I grinned. Then I took some of the tiramisu and smeared it on the parts of his chest that were exposed by his open shirt. As I ate it off him, he groaned darkly and writhed on the bed. When I had cleaned him up the best I could I said,

'I haven't forgotten about you,' as I put some of the whipped cream on my breasts and brought them up to his lips, so I could tease him with them. I only got close enough for my nipple to barely touch his lips. He was very frustrated at this point and was trying to pull his hands apart and free himself. But I had tied him tight, so there was no chance of that happening. I laughed and finally let him have his dessert. Edward aggressively devoured the whipped cream and my breasts with his tongue and teeth and wouldn't let go of me until I assured him that the best was yet to come.

When he finally released me, I moved down his body kissing and sucking and licking his delicious skin until I arrived at his waist. Smiling provocatively at him, I pushed up his cummerbund, unhooked and unzipped his pants and lowered them before sitting down next to him on the bed.

Knowing that I wanted to take him with my hands, my mouth, and my body, I began by stroking him through his boxer briefs. It was obvious that he was very turned on by what I was doing, and I enjoyed watching him shudder with delight. Even though it was fun to watch him, I wanted to see him, so I stuck my finger tips underneath the waistband of his underwear, and pulled them down to reveal him in all of his glory. I quickly went back to manipulating him with my hands and watching him get lost in a sea of pleasure.

While I had him in my grasp, I returned to his mouth and crushed his lips with mine, giving him an indication of all the good things yet to come. When my lips finally broke free from his, I took him deep in my mouth and glided my tongue up, over and around as Edward pushed his body into the bed and moaned my name at the top of his lungs. I smiled to myself and continued pleasuring him.

After a while I felt like I needed a little reward for all of my hard work, so I sat up, removed my panties and slowly took him in. By this time, Edward was miles past the point of no return and was begging me to release him, in more ways than one. I took my time and moved very slowly on him as he tried to thrust himself wildly inside of me. When he wouldn't settle down, I leaned over, nibbled his ear and whispered,

'What is the rush? We have all night.'

He responded by groaning loudly and begging some more for his sweet release. I just continued to grind him at my slow and steady pace.

You have to believe me when I say that this was torturous for me as well, but I was having fun seeing him suffer and I want to see how long I could last. Evidently, I couldn't last too much longer because I picked up my speed and he went first, with me following quickly behind. His climax was so powerful that I thought my head was going to hit the ceiling. His body jumped and convulsed wildly while I trembled with delight.

When all was said and done, I collapsed next to him on the bed and we both lay there like two wet dish rags. We couldn't speak or move for some time. I finally had the strength to get up, so I reached over him, letting my breasts drag across his chest, and grabbed the other dish of tiramisu. Then I fed it to him and myself before untying his hands. I wasn't sure what he was going to do now that he was free, so I braced myself for anything.

Edward sat up and after making sure his arms and hands were awake, he calmly took off his jacket and shirt without looking at me. He then moved to the edge of the bed and removed his shoes and the rest of his clothes. I didn't know what to think when he lay back down next to me without saying anything. Before I could react, Edward rolled over, pinning me underneath him. He looked down on me and smiling wickedly, tickled me until tears were streaming down my face. I begged him to stop but he wouldn't let up. All he kept saying was,

'How do you like it, Jane? How do you like it?'

When he finally did stop, his lips traveled from mine down to my stomach where he rested his head and fell asleep as I ran my fingers through his messy, raven colored hair.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The next month was pretty uneventful other than the fact that we didn't set a wedding date and Mason made good on his promise. Edward refused to pay him the money, so he leaked to the local papers that Edward Fairfax Rochester, Businessman of the Year, had paid for sex. Some of Edward's associates publicly scolded him and threatened to break all ties with Pilot Corporation for his immoral behavior. But behind closed doors, they were all patting him on the back when they saw how beautiful and accomplished the women were after the service's web address was posted in the article. I think The Sultan's Club got a lot of business after that because they contacted Edward and thanked him for the publicity. I just shook my head and thought that we lived in some very strange times.

I stood by my man through all of the turmoil because I knew Edward regretted what he had done and I loved him. There were reporters calling the house every day wanting to get his side, but he thought it best to keep his mouth shut and let the story fade away. Unfortunately, someone (Blanche Ingram) leaked to the press that we were engaged and I was portrayed in the paper as the poor, young, inexperienced fiancé who had to put up with her lecherous intended's sexual liaisons.

Now we were both really upset. Edward was upset that they implied he has been cheating on me and I was upset because I couldn't believe that there weren't more important issues to focus on. With what is going on in our world today, who cares what goes on behind closed doors between unattached consenting adults!

After a few days, the storm blew over and things got back to normal. Much to Edward's chagrin, I still taught Adele during the day. But at night, when everyone was in bed, Thornfield became our sexual playground. We snuck around the house christening everywhere we could while giggling like idiots. Besides his bed and the spa, Edward's favorite spot is his study. He likes to pretend that I am his secretary, so he can chase me around his desk. And sometimes, I even let him catch me!

Because I have been on the pill for two years due to heavy, painful monthly cycles, and Edward's assurances that he has used protection ever since the Celine fiasco, in addition to the fact that he has been tested numerous times, the most current one happening right after his return to Thornfield, everything was cool and we were free to have all of the naughty fun we wanted. So we did.

You would think that I would be eager to set a date for our wedding, but I wasn't. Something kept nagging at me, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I knew Edward loved me and would make an excellent husband, but I felt there was something he wasn't telling me. He kept taking off for these meetings in the city and when I asked him about them he would only say that they were about the associate that had been giving him trouble for some time. That he was meeting with lawyers trying to find a way to quickly extricate him from his company. I took Edward at his word and believed him. I could see that these meetings troubled him, but he kept saying that he thought it was all going to work out in the end.

During this time, Edward became my whole world. If I wasn't teaching Adele, I was with Edward hanging on his every word and laughing with him. It was nice to be with someone I felt so close to, but sometimes it was stifling. I hadn't taken a walk by myself, or taken a picture in weeks, and part of me was beginning to wish I was going off to college in the fall. These thoughts really confused me and I didn't know where they were coming from.

Now don't get me wrong. I love Edward with all of my heart and soul and I do want to marry him, but I am only eighteen with little experience outside of Thornfield. When my scholarship fell through I was very upset because I have nothing to fall back on, and I still don't. I have no money and no education. I know Edward would give me all of the money I wanted if I asked, but I don't want to have to ask. I want to be able to make my own way in this world because nothing in life is certain.

To confound my confusion even more, Edward informed me, on one of our nightly walks, that he needed to spend some time in London working on a huge business deal. And his partners felt that he should go over there for an extended period of time in order to make sure everything moved in the right direction. I asked what an extended period of time was and he told me,

'One year. At the most, two.'

Two years! I thought to myself. I think my face showed my displeasure because he took me in his arms and said,

'Think of all of the fun we will have in London, Jane. This is a good thing! The last time I was there I was alone and miserable and thought the place to be cold and ugly. Now I get to rediscover it with you by my side and see its beauty through your eyes.'

I didn't know if going to London was a good thing or not. I just knew that if I went, I wanted to be married before we left. I wasn't going to go over there just being engaged. I wanted something a little more permanent. I know that most women would jump at the chance to go to England with their wealthy fiancé for a year or more, but I wasn't one of them. I guess I was afraid of being abandoned because he got bored with me. Now, I really didn't think that was going to happen, but I didn't want to take the chance and felt the need to protect myself.

I know I should have talked to Edward about how I was feeling, but I didn't. He was so happy, and I didn't want to upset him with my silly misgivings. I also didn't want him to think I was being immature, so I kept my mouth shut and brooded in my room, a lot.

Edward could see that I wasn't happy, and tried to get me to talk about what was bothering me, but I made light of everything and told him nothing was wrong. He even asked me if I was upset about the escort scandal, but I reassured him that I wasn't because I knew he felt bad about it, and it was over and done with.

So the weeks marched on towards the day we were to leave for London and I still didn't have a wedding date to satisfy my insecurities. After pacing around my room for the umpteenth day in a row, I finally decided to tell Edward how I felt. I went down to his study, knocked on the door and walked in. He looked very happy to see me.

'There's my girl,' he said as he took me in his arms and showered me with kisses. 'I just got off of the phone with my lawyers. I think we can now set a wedding date.'

My prayers were answered.

'When can we get married?' I asked excitedly.

'In two years.'

My mouth dropped.

'Two years, why so long?' Then it hit me. 'You're married!' I yelled as I looked around for something to throw at him.

He looked down at his desk.

'Yes, Jane. Technically, I am still married.'

I yelled again.

'Technically? To whom?'

Edward guided me around his desk to a chair and sat me down. He knelt at my feet and told me his story.

'After Celine, I traveled around the world to try and forget what a fool I was. While I was away, my father contacted me and told me that I needed to go to Palm Beach to see an old family friend about a business deal. When I got there, I was greeted at the airport by Richard Mason, you know, the man who was blackmailing me, and he brought me to his family's estate.

'Now, I had known the Mason family when I was younger because Richard and his sister Bertha would play with Rowland and I underneath the chestnut tree, she was one of the princess that we would all save from the evil giant. When I was about thirteen years old, the Mason family moved to Palm Beach and Bertha took a tiny piece of my heart with her. I always had a crush on her but my brother and her were childhood sweethearts so I never made my feelings known.

'So here I was at the Mason estate sixteen years later and I see Bertha again. She had grown from a pretty teenager into a stunningly beautiful dark haired woman. Now, I hadn't thought about her in all of the time that had past, but just seeing her again brought back the euphoric feelings of young, innocent love that I felt were missing from my life. We hit it off immediately and eloped. . . I wonder now if I did it in a misguided attempt to get back at Rowland because he always said that Bertha was the love of his life.

'Anyway, Bertha was very adamant to the point of being irrational about not telling anyone we were married, so we didn't. I never questioned her reasons because it was a huge turn on to sneak around behind her father's back. I felt like we were doing something very naughty. I guess the excitement of the sneaking around overshadowed the fact that we had nothing remotely in common, except our appetite for sex.

'We continued sneaking around for almost a year until I needed to return to New York. Bertha was petrified of telling her father that we were married, but I convinced her it was the right thing to do and we had nothing to be ashamed of. Right as we were getting ready to tell him, he died suddenly and my father soon followed. After burying both of our fathers we moved to the city because I was taking over Pilot Corporation and Rowland had just returned to Thornfield. During this time, Bertha began acting stranger and stranger, but I just chalked it up to the stress of moving and the sadness of losing her father.

'In the city things went from bad to worse. I wasn't home a lot and Bertha continued acting weird. She would scream obscenities at our neighbors for no reason and not bathe for weeks on end. And now she was becoming violent. I cannot tell you how many times I needed stitches after she threw something at me. Bertha even went so far as to trash our loft on more than one occasion.

'I took her to doctors, but they couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. They all chalked it up to depression. I was at my wits end and our tenuous marriage was deteriorating quickly. I didn't know what to do for her, so I threw myself into my work and left her alone way too much. I know I shouldn't have done that, but I couldn't stand to be around her.

'Bertha was eventually put on medication and she returned back to her old self. I continued working, but now she began sleeping with any man who crossed her path. I forgave her numerous time because I felt guilty that I wasn't home with her more. After two more years of her cheating on me and me forgiving her, I decided to get a divorce.

'Getting a divorce in the State of New York is not an easy thing to do as I soon found out. Because I forgave her by stupidly sleeping with her after all of the times she cheated on me, I couldn't get a divorce from her on the grounds of adultery. Also, the State of New York will not grant a divorce for incompatibility or irreconcilable differences which was very apparent in our marriage. The only way I could divorce her was for us to live apart for more than one year, which we did. Unfortunately, right before our divorce was to be made legal, Bertha was formally diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and our divorce proceedings came to a screeching halt.

'Because she was formally diagnosed with a mental illness, I cannot get divorced from her until the State rules that she is incurably mentally ill after a period of five years. You see, The State of New York has this old law on the books from the late eighteen hundreds that was designed to protect women from their husbands claiming that their wives are insane so they can get a quick divorce and marry someone else right away. And that is where I am now, Jane. I am waiting for Bertha to be recognized by The State as incurable.'

I sat in the chair motionless. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. When I came to my senses I asked,

'Where is Bertha now?'

He took my hand.

'She is in the north tower under the watchful eye of Grace Poole.'

I sat up straight in my chair. All of the cryptic things she said to me now made sense! Why the hell didn't I see it before?

'Would you like to meet her?'

I nodded my head and he led me upstairs.

When we got to the top of a narrow set of circular stairs that I had never seen before, he knocked on a huge wooden door. Mrs. Poole opened it a crack, saw that it was Edward and I and let us in. She wasn't surprised to see me in the least.

'How are you and your patient doing today?'

'Not bad, but Bertha is not having one of her better days. So be on the lookout.'

We then walked across a small room to another door that Edward unlocked. He went in with me following close behind. The first thing I noticed was that there were deep scratches on the inside of the door like someone was trying to escape. I also noticed that the room was very dark, not due to lack of windows, but because of their heavy coverings. It seemed that Bertha didn't like a lot of light. When my eyes adjusted to the low light, I saw the black dress that I bought for Edward's dinner hanging on a big, old armoire. Mrs. Poole noticed me looking at it and said,

'Sorry about the dress, Miss Eyre. Bertha really likes it.'

I turned to her.

'That's OK. She can have it if she wants it.'

Edward put his arm around me and gave me a squeeze. I pulled away from him.

Out of the corner of my eye I detected movement on the other side of the room. When my eyes focused, I could see the woman that was in my room the night my dress disappeared. Bertha was still very beautiful even though her hair was all greasy and matted. And it was obvious that she was deeply disturbed because she was walking around and talking to herself while flapping her hands in the air.

Bertha didn't notice us right away, but when she did, she turned and walked in our direction. Edward wasn't even acknowledged as she came up to me and touched my face with her rough, calloused hand.

'Your dress is pretty. I want a pretty dress,' she said in a childlike voice. Then she put her hand in my hair and pulled on it like she was trying to rip it out of my head. Her voice now sounded like Satan himself was in the room. 'I want a dress. Give me your dress!'

Mrs. Poole grabbed her from behind and Edward worked her hand free from my hair. Bertha still managed to pull a huge clump of it out of my head while laughing that hideous laugh that I always attributed to Mrs. Poole. She was then led away from me.

Edward whisked me out of the room, down the stairs and back to his study. He sat me down and examined my head thoroughly. My scalp throbbed where Bertha pulled the hair out. Other than that, I was fine physically, but my emotional state was off the charts. When he was done inspecting me, Edward pulled me into his chest and sobbed,

'I'm so sorry, Jane. I never meant for any of this to happen!'

I tried to pull away, but he held me there, rocking me back and forth, and apologizing. I think he was trying to comfort himself more than me and I desperately wanted to get away from him and from Thornfield so I could clear my mind and think. But I couldn't come up with a place to go.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Somehow I managed to extricate myself from Edward's arms and then run upstairs. He followed, telling me to wait, but I wouldn't listen. His longer strides eventually overtook my short ones and he caught up with me right outside of my room. Luckily, I was already inside so I slammed the door in his face and locked it, hoping that he wouldn't break through it again. I then lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling, berating myself for being so blind and stupid, as he pounded on my door to let him in. Not being in the mood to listen to what he had to say, I blasted my radio to drown out his pleas and didn't leave my room until sometime the next morning.

When I finally opened my door, I found Edward sitting on the floor against the wall across from my room with his head in his hands. He looked like he had spent the whole night there. I immediately wanted to take him in my arms, kiss him, and apologize for causing him any pain and discomfort. Then the voices inside my head asked, what about the pain and discomfort that he has caused you?

Edward picked up his dark circled, line filled face and blinked a few time. It looked like he had aged ten years in less than fifteen hours.

'I can just imagine what you think of me.' I didn't answer him and he continued. 'Aren't you going to say something to me? Throw something at me? Where is the passion that I have come to expect from you? You can't just stand there looking down on me passively!

'You have to believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you and that I really regret not telling you about Bertha from the beginning. Can you ever forgive me?'

At that very moment I wanted to tell him that I forgave him. But I didn't tell him. I just couldn't get the words out.

'Aren't you going to say something?' he pleaded.

Shaking my head no, I walked past him and went downstairs.

I found Mrs. Fairfax puttering around the kitchen. It was obvious she knew what had happened, but was polite enough to only ask me if I was Ok and could she get me anything. I told her that I was fine and that I would take care of myself. She then hugged me and continued on with her work.

This mornings newspaper was on the table so I sat down and tried to read it. After three tries I gave up because my eyes weren't focusing properly due to my sleepless night. Mrs. Fairfax eventually left the kitchen, I think, to see how Edward was doing, and the phone rang. I reluctantly answered it and heard a very important sounding male voice on the other end which belonged to a lawyer representing Sarah Reed, the woman who I refuse to recognize as my aunt. After the usual polite banter, he told me that Mrs. Reed was dying and that she wanted to see me. When I heard that, my legs gave out from under me causing me to sit down hard on the floor. I was now in a state of shock because I hadn't heard from her in over eight years since she kicked me out of her house and sent me to live with the Reverend Brocklehurst. The lawyer went on to say that Mrs. Reed was not long for this world, so I needed to come right away. I told him that I didn't know what I was going to do and thanked him for his call.

As I sat on the floor, I hugged my knees and rocked myself back and forth. My nerves were shot. Yesterday, I found out that the love of my life neglected to tell me that he was married, and now Mrs. Reed, a vial, evil woman from my past, wanted to see me before she died. I still didn't know what to do, so I bowed my head and prayed for strength and guidance.

O God, who often leads me by way of the wilderness toward uncertain difficulties and futures of which I can not be sure, help me to trust always in your guiding purpose and in the plan that rules my life. When I am fearful and inclined to go back, give me the courage to stand still and then go forward, knowing that the strength I need is the strength I will be given. In your name I pray, Amen.

After I said my prayer, I got up off of the hard floor and returned to the table. My eyes glanced at the front page of the newspaper and read that Wal-Mart was lobbying to build a super center on undeveloped land just outside of the upscale community of Gateshead. Bells went off in my weary head. It's a sign! I thought to myself as I continued to read the article with interest. You see, Gateshead is where I was terrorized by Mrs. Reed and my three cousins. Even though I really dreaded returning to her house, I didn't want to be here until my feelings for Edward were sorted out. I now knew what I was going to do.

So I left the kitchen and went up to my room. Not knowing how long I would be gone for, I packed over a weeks worth of clothes and toiletries. When I was done, I looked around my room and wondered if I was ever coming back.

I really didn't want to see Edward before I left because I was afraid that he was going to convince me to stay. But I forced myself to since there were still a few questions that I needed answered. So I put my bags down, knocked on his study door and walked in. Edward was slumped over his desk with a large glass of scotch in his hand. When he picked up his head and saw me standing near the door he dropped the glass and stood up. The alcohol went everywhere, but he didn't care and I could see that he wanted to take me in his arms, yet he held back, waiting to see what I was going to do. I calmly walked over to his desk and sat down. He returned to his chair as well. Neither of us spoke for the longest time, we just stared at each other.

Edward didn't need to say a word to me. His eyes told me everything he was feeling, that he loved me and that he was sorry for everything that had happened. The more I looked into his eyes, the more I felt my resolve fade away. I didn't want to leave Thornfield and go to Gateshead. I wanted to stay here and follow him to the ends of the earth. Knowing that if I didn't speak up now, I never would. So I did.

'Edward, a woman from my past is dying and she has asked me to come see her.'

His eyes narrowed.

'Who is this woman from your past?'

'Her name is Sarah Reed.'

'What is she to you?'

I sighed.

'She is my aunt.'

He looked confused and then his voice turned cold and hard.

'I thought you told me that you didn't have any family!'

'And you didn't tell me that you had a wife!' I snapped back.

His hands went up and his voice softened.

'I'm sorry, Jane. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Why haven't you told me about her before?'

I burst into tears. The stress of the past sixteen hours had finally caught up with me.

'Because she and her three children terrorized me! They never let me forget that I was an outsider, unworthy of their love and acceptance. They abused me physically and emotionally. . .'

Edward didn't let me continue. He swept me up in his arms, holding me tight until I was finished crying and I let him. There was no other place I wanted to be. He then lifted my face to his and wiped away my tears before kissing me tenderly on my forehead and on my mouth. The feel of his lips on mine sent shivers all throughout my body. I wanted him to make love to me and he read me like an open book. He guided my body to the floor and we kissed like this might be the last time. I was so lost in the moment that when Edward began to remove my jeans, I moaned loudly, needing him to make love to me. And he would have, if I didn't stop him.

Edward didn't look at me as I attempted to push him away. Every muscle in his body felt tense to the point of breaking and I could see that he was lost in a storm of confusion, anger, and hurt as he continued to pull at my clothes. Now don't get me wrong, I never thought that Edward would intentionally hurt me. But he was not acting like the man I loved.

Not sure how to handle this delicate situation, I lovingly caressed his cheek with my hand, trying to get my Edward back. Thankfully, his body relaxed almost immediately and I was able to gently guide him off of me. Edward was very remorseful as he helped me up off the floor and led me back to my chair.

'How long will you be gone?' he asked as he sat down again.

'I don't know. At least a week.'

His voice broke and he couldn't look at me.

'Are you coming back?'

My voice began to fail me as well.

'I don't know. I have a lot to think about.'

He swallowed hard and nodded his head as if he understood.

'But I do have a few questions to ask you before I go.'

Edward sat up in his chair and looked into my eyes. I blinked away tears.

'Do you still love Bertha?'

His mouth gaped and he came flying around the desk. He the dropped to his knees and took my face in his hands. I couldn't look at him.

'Jane, look at me. Look at me!' and using his huge hands, he forced me to look at him. 'You have to believe me when I say that I have never loved her. You are and will be the only woman that I will ever love.'

The tears wouldn't stop coming and my eyes looked up at the ceiling.

'Then why is she living here?' I sobbed.

He ran his hands through my hair and kissed my forehead before pulling me into his chest.

'Bertha has good days and bad days. On her good days she acts normal, but she can be very sexually aggressive. She became pregnant in the last institution she was in. Mercifully, Bertha miscarried right before you came here, but I still feel very guilty about everything that has happened to her, so I brought her to Thornfield to keep her safe. I feel it is the least I can do for her.'

'Oh, Edward!' I cried out as I tightened my grip on him. 'I'm so sorry for everything you have gone through. But why didn't you tell me about her before you proposed?'

He looked away.

'I wanted to, but I couldn't get the words out. The state of New York could still rule in two years time that Bertha's Schizophrenia is curable and I would have to start the whole divorce process over yet again. I was scared that I would lose you because you got sick and tired of waiting around for me.'

I looked at him in utter disbelief.

'I don't understand why you just didn't tell me? Did you think my love was that shallow that I wouldn't wait for you? My God, Edward! I would have waited the rest of my life for you!'

'I have never doubted your love for me, Jane. It's just that you don't need me like I need you and that frightens me. You could walk out of Thornfield today with nothing but the clothes on your back and still manage to survive without me.'

I laughed.

'Isn't that a good thing? I thought that was one of the reasons why you loved me! But you are only partially right, Edward. It is true that I could survive without you, but I don't want to have to because my life would be miserable without you in it.'

'But you don't have to, Jane,' he smiled. 'We can go off to London like Bertha doesn't even exist!'

'No, we can't,' I replied as I stood up and went for the door because my flight reflex was overpowering me at the moment. Edward stopped me by grabbing my arm hard and whipping me around. His eyes flashed.

'I really don't see what the big deal is. Nothing has changed. I love you and you love me!'

My eyes locked with his.

'But Bertha does exist and she is still your wife, Edward. Take Adele with you to London if you don't want to go alone.'

'My mentally ill wife,' he corrected me, like that made all the difference in the world. 'And I don't want Adele in London. She needs to be here, in school. I only want you!'

I shook my head.

'I don't know if you can have me. I have a lot to think about.'

He grew even more agitated if that is even possible.

'What is there to think about? You told me under the chestnut tree that you were mine the moment our eyes met at the bar and that nothing will ever change that! Were you lying to me then?'

'No, Edward. I wasn't lying to you.'

'Then what is the big deal? Come with me to London. You were willing to go with me before!'

'Yes, but I was hoping to get married before we left. Things have changed.'

'Like what!'

'You don't get it, do you! If I went with you now, I would feel like I was your mistress.'

He laughed at me.

'Come on, Jane, that is ridiculous! No one would know, and no one would care. Besides, Bertha and I have not lived as husband and wife for almost five years now. Technically, we are not married!'

'But I will know and I will care. And you are still legally married to her whether you like it or not!'

I could see that I was getting nowhere with this, so I asked him another question that was really bugging me.

'Edward, if we hadn't had sex that day in the gym, would you have still asked me to marry you?'

'Of course, Jane, I told you that I discussed proposing to you with Eshton that morning. Truth be know, I was hoping to do the honorable thing and have us wait until we were married before we made love for the first time.'

I snickered.

'I find that hard to believe. You didn't even know how long we would have to wait at that point.' Then my head began to spin. 'Unless you were going to marry me knowing that it was going to be a fraudulent union.'

He put his head down.

'I cannot lie to you, Jane. The thought did cross my mind.'

'Oh, but you could lie to me before!'

'I didn't lie to you!' he pleaded.

'Ok, you didn't lie to me. You just didn't tell me that you had a wife!'

'But you would have left me if I told you about her!'

'How do you know that when I don't even know what I would have done if you had been honest with me from the start!'

He chuckled and looked relieved.

'So that's what this is all about!'

'Yes!. . . No!' I shook my head, totally confused now, as he put his arm around me.

'So, what are we going to do about this?'

I pulled away from him.

'We are not going to do anything. I am going to Gateshead to see my aunt. I'll let you know where we stand when I get back.' I walked towards the door again. Edward roared,

'God dammit, Jane! Stop being so self-righteous! Most woman in your shoes wouldn't think twice about this!'

He was right, most woman wouldn't think twice about it, but I needed to be true to myself. I turned and got in his face.

'This is me, Edward. Take it or leave it. I thought you told me you never wanted me to change!'

His face softened.

'You are right, Jane. I don't want you to change. I love you just as stubborn as you are.'

I shook my head and sighed.

'I'm tired of fighting with you, Edward. I just want you to know that I think it is very admirable what you are doing for Bertha, and that you are a good man even though you have made some really bad choices. I do love you, but I just don't know what I am going to do right now.'

He looked up at the ceiling and sighed.

'You are still going to see your aunt, aren't you?'

I nodded.

'And we will finish this when I get back.'

We left the study together. Edward picked up my bags and walked with me to my car.

'Jane, I hate to see you drive this old thing. Please take the roadster. I did buy it for you.'

I shook my head and put my stuff in the trunk.

'No. My Honda will do just fine.'

He took out his wallet.

'Do you need any money before you go?'

'No. I have money put aside for emergencies.'

Squinting his eyes at me, he asked,

'How much?'

'Not that it is any of your business. . . I have over two thousand dollars.'

Edward chuckled.

'Why am I not surprised.'

After I started up my car, I put down the window. He leaned in,

'Call me when you get there and remember that I love you.'

Touching Edward's face, I smiled.

'I know you do.' Then I noticed my engagement ring sparkling in the sunlight. 'I can't keep this,' I said as I removed it from my finger and handed it to him. 'It wouldn't be right.'

Edward shook his head and wouldn't take it from me.

'But I bought it for you,' he pleaded. I want you to keep it.'

I held up the ring and a tear escaped my eye.

'This ring is a symbol of the commitment you made to me. But that commitment was made under false pretenses. I cannot keep it.'

Edward reluctantly took the ring and I drove away.

(Ted Ferris -- page 116, Book of Prayers for Everyman)


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Glancing in my rear view mirror, I saw Edward wiping his eyes as he watched me leave Thornfield. It was at that moment that I wanted to turn my car around and go back to him. I could picture him in my mind's eye going back into the house and trashing his office, getting drunk and reverting back to his harsh ways. It broke my heart to see him in such pain and I felt guilty that I was hurting him. Really, what was his crime? Only loving me way too much, I thought as the tears streamed down my face.

After I wiped away the last tear, I looked at the gas gage through my bleary eyes and saw that it was on empty. Pulling into the nearest gas station, I was relieved that my Honda didn't run out of gas, and handed over 43.35 to fill up my empty tank.

When I got back on the road and headed towards Gateshead, the sky grew ominous and the clouds opened up. Pretty soon I couldn't see two feet in front of my car, so I slowed down. As I white knuckled the steering wheel, the car shimmied and I heard a loud bang. The next thing I knew, my car was puttering out. So I guided it blindly over to the shoulder, praying that I wouldn't get rear ended in the process.

It was still raining cats and dogs, so I put on my hazards, stayed in the car and waited for the rain to let up. After thirty minutes and no let up in sight, I popped the hood and got out of the car. I fiddled with a few things, but couldn't tell what was wrong, so I closed the hood and got back in the car. Now I was soaked to the skin and freezing. The car needed to be towed and I cursed myself for being the only person in the world without a cell phone.

Knowing what I had to do, I got out of the car, locked it and set off on foot to find a telephone. The rain had finally let up, but I was already drenched, so it really didn't matter. Since most people now have cell phones and state owned roads do not have pay phones or emergency call boxes anymore, I needed to walk to the nearest exit to get help.

As I walked along the shoulder, cars whizzed by me. I don't think anyone noticed that I was even there. I felt so small and alone that I started to cry. Once the tears started again, they didn't stop, so I sat down on the wet grass and buried my face in my hands.

When I finally picked up my head and wiped away my tears I saw a pair of big sneakers on the ground in front of me. My weary eyes traveled up a denim covered leg to a tan rain slicker and then up to a face. I blinked a few times and saw a man that had really beautiful blue eyes. I also noticed that his face had soft, graceful features that made him very handsome. I was so taken aback by his beauty that I couldn't speak.

The handsome man looked down on me with a huge smile and held out his hand. I didn't accept it because I didn't know what he wanted with me.

'Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you,' he said exuding warmth and sincerity.

Reluctantly, I took his hand and stood up. He then removed his rain slicker and placed it around my shoulders.

'Is that your car back there?'

I nodded.

'I'm looking for a phone.'

He laughed,

'I guess I am not the only person in this world without a cell phone. Can I drive you to a pay phone?'

Normally, I would never get into a strange man's car, but I was desperate because the next exit wasn't for at least ten miles. So I walked with him over to his beat up Chevy. He held the passenger side door open for me.

'I'm John Rivers,' he said as his blue eyes sparkled though the gray and gloom of the afternoon.

'I'm Jane Eyre.'

I sat down on the seat and he closed the door. As he walked around to the drivers side, I quietly asked God to please not let this man rape or murder me. When he got in, he quickly started up the car and we took off. We didn't say anything to each other at first. John could see that I was cold and uncomfortable, so he put on the heater and said,

'I have two sisters that are close in age to you. Do you have any family near by?'

I answered cautiously.

'I have an aunt that I have been estranged from who is expecting me for dinner tonight.'

'Estranged? That's too bad. Family is very important. I don't know what I would do without my sisters.'

I nodded and then wondered if I would ever see Edward again as I looked out the window at the passing landscape.

The car got off at the next exit and we found a pay phone at a gas station. I called for a tow truck, returned to the car and thanked John for driving me. He insisted on returning me to my vehicle. I told him that he had done enough for me already, but he wouldn't hear of it. So I got back in his Chevy and we drove away. We both sat in uncomfortable silence again until he asked,

'What do you do, Jane Eyre?'

'I am a governess.'

He chuckled.

'I didn't know they still had those.'

'What do you do?'

'I am a counselor at Clinton Community College in Bluff Point. The campus overlooks Lake Champlain. It is a very beautiful area. At least my sisters think so.'

'I'm sure it is.'

'Do you go to school?'

'No, I want to, but my scholarship money fell through.'

'That is too bad. A good education is just as important as family.'

When we arrived back at my Honda, miraculously, the tow truck was waiting. I thanked John again and handed him his slicker. After he took it from me he handed me his business card just in case I ever wanted to check out the school. Without even looking at it, I put it in the back pocket of my jeans and then forgot all about it.

In under ten minutes my car was hooked up and I was sitting up front with the tow truck driver, a middle aged man named Brian with a long pony tail and tattoos covering his arms. Sensing that I wasn't in the mood to talk, he put on the radio and we listened to All Things Considered on NPR. The ride to the garage took about twenty minutes so I stared out the window again and wondered when this horrible day will end. Then I remembered the kindness of John and I felt better.

Before Brian would release my car at the garage I had to fork over 150 bucks for the tow. I handed him my ATM card and went inside the office. It took the mechanics over an hour to even look at my car, but when they did it took them only ten minutes to figure out what was wrong. I had blown the timing belt. The mechanic said I was lucky that I was going slow when it happened because it could have really damaged my engine worse than it was. I put my elbow on the counter and rested my forehead on my palm.

'How much is this going to cost me?' I groaned.

'Around 1800.'

My eyes grew big.

'That much?'

'And it won't be ready until tomorrow night.'

Just great, I thought to myself, but I had no choice. You do have a choice, the voice in my head began. Call Edward. He'll come and rescue you. But I don't need to be rescued! I thought back.

'Fine,' I said as I signed the work order.

With the car taken care of, I figured I had around six bucks left to my name for food and shelter. I wasn't feeling hungry so I worked on finding a place to stay. Remembering that Brian and I had passed a seedy motel when we drove off the Express Way, I walked the two miles back to motel while carrying my luggage and entered the office.

The man behind the counter looked surprised to see me and I was really surprised to see him. I guess I didn't look like his usual clientele and he didn't look like what I expected either. I expected the man to be really sleazy looking with long greasy hair and wearing a wife beater that barely covered his enormous beer belly.

Instead, the man behind the counter looked to be about seventy-five years old with a full head of snowy white hair and a grandfatherly smile. I told him my situation and asked if there was anything he could do for me. He said I was in luck. The woman who cleaned the rooms called in sick and if I wanted to fill in for her, he would let me stay the night. I was relieved that I didn't have to sleep on the street so we shook on it. After storing my bags for me, the man led me to the storage closet where he kept the supplies neatly arranged on a cart. When he handed me the rooms keys he said,

'Make sure you knock loudly before you enter each room. You never know what you might walk in on!'

Hesitantly, I took the key ring and the supply cart and headed for the rooms. I didn't even need to knock on the first door because I could hear interesting noises coming from inside, so I pushed the cart down to the next door.

I knocked loudly and didn't get a response, so I unlocked the door and looked around. The room looked like someone had had a wild party in it because there were beer cans, pizza boxes and condom wrappers everywhere. And I don't even want to tell you what the room smelled like once I closed the door, but it was so awful that I had to breath through my mouth. Thank God for rubber gloves, I thought as I put them on and began to pick up the stuff all over the floor.

By the time I was done picking up, I had filled two enormous garbage bags. Unfortunately, the room didn't look much better. The carpet was so stained that I couldn't tell what its original color was and the furniture looked like someone intentionally attacked it with a knife it was so chipped and scratched. I got out the vacuum and did my best with the carpet before I wiped down all of the hard surfaces in the room and then tackled the bed.

When I pulled the coverlet back and saw that the sheets were stained, I thought I was going to throw up. I really hoped that the mess was from the beer and pizza, but I didn't want to get close enough to find out. So I quickly ripped off the bed coverings and held them away from my body as I put them in the laundry bag. Once that was done I remade the bed with clean sheets and went to tackle the bathroom.

I turned on the light expecting the worst and hoping for the best. I got something in-between. Wet, dirty towels were thrown everywhere and there was an empty beer can floating in the toilet. The toilet tank lid was on the floor and there were five unopened beer cans submerged in the water. I guess the previous occupants used it as a beer cooler, I thought to myself as I dug the cans out one by one and threw them away. Once the towels were picked up and new ones put in their place on the bars, I cleaned the bowl with a long handled scrubber, washed the sink and counter and then moved on to the shower.

The shower doors were so full of soap scum that I initially thought that they were made of frosted glass. So I cleaned both doors until you could see through them again, wiped down the hideous brown tile, washed the floor and called it a day, at least here. I still had to check on eight other rooms.

All in all I cleaned five rooms before I returned the cart to the supply closet. Joe, the grandfatherly gentleman at the desk, thanked me for my hard work, gave me my luggage and handed me a room key. He put me in the first room that I had cleaned. By now I was starving, but I was so tired that I collapsed on the bed and fell asleep in my clothes.

When I woke up the next morning, I didn't know where I was at first. Then the smell hit me and I remembered. I showered and dressed slowly, not knowing what to do with myself. The car was not suppose to be ready until five, so I had the whole day to kill. And I couldn't stay here because check out time was ten o'clock and it was already after nine thirty.

After packing my things, I decided to try and find to something to satisfy my hunger. Since I only had six bucks for food today, I knew I needed to spend it wisely. So I went to the local Quickie Mart and got a pre made turkey sandwich and a large bottle of water. I figured I could eat half the sandwich now and save the rest for later. Because it was a beautiful day, I decided to eat my food at the park near the garage.

I walked the two miles back to the garage, stored my luggage in the car and walked another mile until I could hear the sounds of children playing. I found a picnic bench in the shade and then devoured half of my sandwich. Right away I noticed two young boys running around and play fighting. I thought nothing of them at first until I heard one of them say,

'I think we need to rescue the princess from the dragon!'

My eyes welled up immediately and I longed to go home to Thornfield and be with Edward. Maybe I am being too self-righteous! I thought. Who really cares if he is still technically married. And so what if he didn't tell me about Bertha before he proposed. Life is far too short and unpredictable. You never know what is lurking just around the next bend. Edward loves me and I love him and most importantly, we wouldn't be hurting anyone.

Even when the divorce is granted, Edward will still be required to provide for Bertha until she draws her last breath. And I will do my best to make sure that she will always have the best care money can provide, whether it be at Thornfield or in a really good care facility. Bertha will not be neglected. None of this was her fault.

As I wiped away my tears after deciding to drive home when the car was ready, the voice in my head asked, but what about your aunt? She asked to see you before she dies. How can you deny her that? Easily! What has she ever done for me? I mumbled to myself. That's not like you, Jane, the voice replied. Be the bigger person and go see her. You have nothing to lose and you just might get something out of it.

I agreed, but my heart felt heavy. After finishing up my sandwich, I spent the rest of the day at the library. There was no other place for me to go so I snuggled up in a comfy chair with "Jenna Starborn" by Sharon Shinn and waited for my car to be fixed.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

My car was ready at five o'clock just like the man at garage promised and I got lucky. He only charged me 1701.76 for the parts and labor so I had about 100 dollars left to my name when I got back on the Express Way and resumed my journey to Gatehead. Thankfully, the rest of the trip was uneventful and I arrived at my aunt's house at half past eight.

When I pulled into the driveway I noticed that the house looked much smaller and in worse condition than I remembered. The front gardens were over grown like no one had cared for them for at least a year. The walkway to the door was cracked and broken in spots. And the house paint was faded and peeling. It was really shocking to see Mrs. Reed's home deteriorate as it had because she was such a fastidious individual.

Suppressing the overwhelming urge to throw the car in reverse and head back to Thornfield, I took two deep breaths before grabbing my bags from the trunk and walked up to the front door. As I knocked, my heart filled with dread because I felt like that unloved child who was forced to live here so many years ago. For better or for worse, I didn't have to wait long on the porch. As soon as I let my arm rest at my side, the door opened, and I was greeted by an older woman who was dressed in white.

'May I help you?' she asked.

I lost my voice for a moment and could only speak a bit above a whisper.

'I'm Jane Eyre.'

'Who?'

I cleared my throat,

'Jane Eyre. My aunt is expecting me.'

The woman smiled warmly.

'We weren't sure if you were coming. Come in, come in! I'm Bessie, the hospice nurse.' Bessie then ushered me into the front parlor and told me to make myself comfortable. Why start now? I thought to myself as I sat on the faded sofa.

Looking around, I noticed that nothing had changed since the day that I was sent to live with Brocklehurst. The furniture arrangement was still the same. The family portrait that I wasn't allowed to be in still hung over the fireplace and all of Mrs. Reed's nicknacks were still artfully arranged on every surface imaginable. However, they were now covered with many layers of dust.

Getting up, I walked over to the shelves by the fireplace and saw my favorite book, "Stories From Many Lands," tucked away on a high shelf. I smiled because I had just been reunited with an old friend. This book had kept me company all of the times I was shunned by my aunt and cousins. Bringing the book down dislodged many layers of dust, but I didn't care as I brought the worn volume up to my nose and inhaled deeply. The old, musty book smell didn't offend me in the least, but it did bring back memories.

Whenever I was taking the blame for things I didn't do, which was often, I would sneak this book into the hall closet and read it with the help of a flashlight. I could sit happily in a world of my own making and read for hours about a little girl's adventures in India or a courageous young Dutch boy who saved his village. Until one day, when I was discovered by my cousin John.

Now, John Reed wasn't pleasant to look at because he would gorge himself daily on Twinkies, Snickers bars, and Pepsis which contributed to his severe acne problem. And his eyes were small and shifty making him look like he was constantly on the look out for trouble. Trouble should have been his middle name because wherever he was, it soon followed. He was constantly getting into fights and being suspended from school due to his foul mouth and quick temper.

Even though he only had four years on me, John looked much older because he was so big and tall. The football coaches at his school salivated over him because of his physique and strength, but he had no interest in playing sports. And John showed no interest what so ever towards his mother, who doted on him, or his sisters who looked up to him like he was some sort of God. Instead, he took great enjoyment in terrorizing me every second that we were alone together.

As I said before, I was reading my escape book in the hall closet when the door was flung open and I was pulled out by my hair.

'What are you doing, Jane?' John asked in a menacing tone of voice that made my heart race with fear. Closing my eyes, I wished with all of my might that my late uncle, who I loved almost as much as my parents, would come back from the dead to protect me. When I opened my eyes, Uncle Mike was no where to be seen and John was still towering over me. Because I was really scared, I stuttered,

'J.. J.. Just reading my b.. b.. book, J.. John.'

He ripped the book from my hand and said,

'Your book? That's not your book, it's our book. You're not one of us, Jane. You came to us with nothing so you are just a worthless freeloader,' as he slammed the book shut and bashed me in the head with it. My head flew back and I stumbled, but didn't fall. When I recovered my balance, I lost control and punched him in the stomach as hard as an eight year old girl could. I knew he was more startled than hurt, but it didn't matter. Smiling an evil looking smile, he called out,

'Mom, Jane punched me in the stomach!'

Aunt Sarah, Georgiana and Eliza all came running down the hall to see what all of the commotion was about. My aunt immediately comforted John who was acting like I had stabbed him with a knife. In retaliation for hurting her precious son, she turned to me and slapped my face hard. I fell back, losing my balance this time, and hit my head against the wall. Aunt Sarah then dragged me by my hair down to the damp, dark cellar and left me there to ruminate on what I had done.

My heart began to race and sweat poured off of my brow as I stood in the parlor. I was beginning to relive the hellish night I slept in the basement when thankfully, Georgiana and Eliza entered the room and said their cold hellos. Not knowing what to expect, I was surprised to see how they both turned out.

Eliza went from being a rough and tumble tomboy who's potty mouth rivaled her brother's to a sedate Christian Fundamentalist who never missed a chance to talk about saving my soul. Her sister, Georgiana, however, hadn't changed in the least. She was still overly concerned with her appearance and looked me over from head to toe. Even though she didn't say anything out loud, I could tell that she wasn't impressed with what she saw. I laughed to myself and realized that if this had been ten years ago, I would have been upset with the way she studied me. But now I could care less. I had more important things to occupy my thoughts.

As I turned to Eliza, the hairs on the back of neck stood up and I got all tense.

'Where is John?'

She looked down,

'Didn't you hear? He was killed by the police when he tried to rob a liquor store.' Her voice caught in her throat and her eyes began to well up. 'He was shot three times in the chest.'

My body relaxed immediately.

'I'm sorry. I didn't know.'

Eliza patted my arm.

'He is missed terribly, but I hope his soul is finally at peace. Mother is taking it quite hard.'

'How is she doing? I was told that she was asking for me.'

She sighed,

'We are taking it one day at a time. I doubt you can see her now. Mother is resting.'

I had come a long way and suffered too much hardship to be told I couldn't see Mrs. Reed, so I brushed past Eliza and went off to find the nurse.

I found her in the kitchen watching a DVD of "Desperate Housewives" and eating a dish of ice cream. When Bessie saw me standing in the doorway she quickly turned off the TV and stood up. I calmly asked her if she would see if my aunt was up for visitors. Bessie soon returned and led me to her room, as if I didn't know the way. Before I opened the door, she warned me that Mrs. Reed was in an abusive mood and that just about anything could come out of her mouth. I snickered to myself when I heard that because my aunt hadn't changed in the least.

Expecting the worst, I entered the bedroom. Bessie followed and then walked passed me to the bed.

'Ms. Reed, Jane Eyre is here.' She turned to me. 'I'll leave you two alone.'

I walked over and looked down at my aunt. For a woman on her death bed she looked pretty darn good. Her hair was all made up in a style that was best left in the mid nineties and her freshly manicured talons held a lit cigarette. She took a drag as she looked up at me.

'What do you want? Who are you?' she coughed.

I pulled up a chair and sat down.

'It's me, Aunt Sarah, Jane Eyre.'

She then put her cigarette down in an ash tray loaded with cigarette butts and said sarcastically in a raspy voice,

'Jane Eyre, I cannot believe you actually came.'

'Well, you did ask for me,' I said as I tried to take her hand.

She pulled her hand away and looked over my shoulder at the wall. I was hurt and angry that my aunt still hated me after all of these years. Instead of leaving the room as I would have liked, I put my feelings aside and stayed with her.

'You've changed,' she snorted as she flicked ash off of her cigarette and took another puff. 'The last time I saw you, you were just a little girl.'

I smiled to myself.

'I'm not a little girl anymore.'

'I guess you are right.' She tried to laugh, but it came out like a cough. 'You were such a little brat you know. Always getting into trouble. Never doing anything right.'

'If you say so.'

'Now John, he was a good boy. Why couldn't you be more like him? I wish they killed you instead of him.' She started to cry. 'Why did they have to kill him?'

'Because he tried to rob a liquor store.'

Aunt Sarah stopped crying and shot me a dirty look.

'There you go again, Jane. You always did have a bad attitude. That is just one of the reasons why I hated you so much. You always thought you were better than us! You were always reading your books and talking about all of the places you were going to visit when you were older. It made me sick. Why couldn't you just be content where you were? Why did you always have to wish for more?' she asked as she gasped for air. Aunt Sarah was very upset and it looked like she was having trouble breathing. I called for Bessie and she gave my aunt a sedative to calm her down.

'I think you'd better go. Ms. Reed needs her rest,' she said while patting my hand.

Since I had no where to go and my cousins didn't live at the house anymore, I moved into a spare bedroom and tried to make myself comfortable.

The next morning finally arrived after a long night of tossing and turning. I wanted to talk to my aunt again, but she didn't want to see me. Bessie thought it best that I give her some time. Aunt Sarah continued pushing me away, so I kept myself busy by reading books and cleaning the house. When my cousins visited, Georgiana couldn't be bothered helping and just lay about flipping through magazines, but Eliza helped with the dusting and such. It was through these encounters with Eliza that I was told that my aunt had lung cancer and was given six months to live. Because I was laboring under the assumption that she was going to die sooner than later, I stopped what I was doing and barged into her room, wanting to get this visit over with.

Aunt Sarah was sitting in bed, smoking as usual. I must have shot her a dirty look because she replied,

'What! They are already killing me.'

I sighed and resumed my post next to the bed.

'Why do you hate me so?'

She laughed before taking a long drag on her cigarette.

'Because you remind me of your mother.'

I was shocked and fingered my locket.

'My mother? What did she ever do to you?'

'Nothing. But she didn't care what other people thought of her and she was too independent for her own good. She went against her family and married your penniless father for love and was extremely happy. I married her brother for money and was miserable,' she said as she ground out her cigarette.

'So, you hate me because you were jealous of my mother?'

'When you put it that way, yes. She had nothing and I had everything money could buy yet. . .'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing and wanted to get up and shake some sense into her, but I didn't. I just sat there and thought about all of the years that she spent not accepting me as her family was not because I was unlovable, but because she was jealous that I was just like my mother.

After a few deep breaths, I sat back in the chair and waited for her to continue. Aunt Sarah just lit another cigarette and looked at me. Finally she blurted out,

'Let me have it. I deserve it.'

When I didn't say anything, her eyes widened.

'Where is that passionate little girl who told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again when I sent you to live with the Reverend Brocklehurst?'

I shook my head.

'She has grown up and forgiven you,' I said as I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

She bristled under my kiss.

'Wait, there's more.' Aunt Sarah then directed me to the desk in the hall. She told me to open the second drawer and take out a yellow folder and bring it to her. I did as she asked and she spread its contents out on the bed. 'This stock portfolio is for you. Your parents bought some what is now ExxonMobil stock right before they died with the intention of adding more shares every year so you could use the money for college. The value has grown significantly over time and now that you are eighteen, you can do with it as you wish.'

I took the paper she held up. It was a current statement telling me that I had a little over twenty thousand dollars! Now I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but for someone who has a little more than 100 dollars to her name, that amount was a fortune.

'But why didn't I know about this money sooner?'

My aunt inhaled her cigarette deeply.

'I didn't want you to know about it because I hated you and I didn't want to do anything to help you, especially after the way you treated me on our last day together. But my lawyers said I needed to tell you about the money. So I am.'

I was astonished that she still couldn't bring herself to stop hating me, but that was her problem, not mine. I thanked her for giving me the stock information and left the room.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Still in a state of shock over this new turn of events, I somehow managed to find the bedroom I was sleeping in and lay down on the bed. After the initial jolt wore off, I reread the last current stock statement just to make sure that I wasn't dreaming. When I was able to determine beyond a shadow of a doubt, through a series of very hard pinches to the underside of my left arm, that I was indeed awake, I touched my locket and thanked my parents for providing for me. Then I thought about what to do with the twenty thousand dollars!

As I thought about my choices, which ranged from the practical to the ridiculous, I remembered that I never called Edward to let him know that I had arrived here safely, so I went down to the kitchen and used the phone. It rang several times before the voice mail picked up. That's odd, I thought as I left a message saying how sorry I was for not calling sooner and that I was fine. It really surprised me that no one had answered. I was sure that Edward would be worried sick because I left no way for him to get in touch with me.

Since my aunt still had months to live and I said my peace, my time at Gateshead was now done. I couldn't wait to leave my aunt's house and would have been out the door as soon as I finished packing, but there was just one problem. I needed to do laundry because my jeans were still dirty from that harrowing day with my Honda.

Not bothering to separate anything, I threw all of my dirty clothes in the washing machine and waited. Having done more than my fair share of the house cleaning, I decided to depress myself by thinking about how everything was going to change after I returned to Thornfield. As much as I wanted to go off to England with Edward like Bertha didn't exist, I knew deep down that I just couldn't go if we weren't married first. And if that wasn't bad enough, I also realized that I needed to find myself a new place to live and a new job because Adele was going to be attending school in the fall and my teaching services were no longer going to be required.

Grateful that I now had some money to fall back on if need be, but still not sure of what I was going to do, I pulled my warm jeans from the dryer, and to my surprise, a tiny scrap of washed paper came out with them. I was about to throw it away, but for some reason I stopped and looked at it. I couldn't make out most of the words, yet I could see the name Clinton Community College as bold as if it had never gone through the wash. It was then that I realized this was the business card that belonged to the man who had helped me when my car broke down. Curiosity got the best of me, so I went online and looked up the school.

My first impression was that the campus looked fabulous. The school, which featured the modern equipment and facilities necessary for a contemporary education, also hinted at significant times of the past through its distinctive architecture and its spectacular natural setting which overlooked Lake Champlain. The web site went on to say that the Bluff Point locale has been the scene of some of the most important events in the founding of the American Republic. That it is fitting an area so magnificently beautiful and so much a part of the early development of the United States is maintained for public use and enjoyment. But the best part was, the school had the degree program I was looking for and housing which is rare for a two year college! I decided right then and there to make the seven hour drive the next day and check out the school in person.

After arriving at the beautiful campus in the early afternoon, I took a long walk around the grounds and noticed that the pictures on the web site did not do it justice. The Adirondack and Vermont Mountains that appear to be the backdrop to the school were breathtaking and Lake Champlain was a water lovers dream with historical lighthouses, pristine beaches and lakeside restaurants. I was so smitten with the school and the surrounding area that I went to the Admissions Office and filled out an application online. Thankfully, I didn't need to report my SAT scores because my course of study didn't require them, but I did need to get my immunization records, so I headed back to Thornfield in order to find them and talk to Edward.

I drove the four and a half hours back to the Hall and was greeted in the driveway by Mrs. Fairfax who ran up to my car and hugged me when I got out.

'Oh Jane, I am so happy you are home! We were all so worried about you, especially Mr. Rochester. I don't think he slept a wink while you were away. He just paced the floor in his study night and day. . . and drank.'

I grimaced, feeling really bad for causing Edward so much pain because I didn't call sooner.

'Where is he now?' I asked while walking briskly towards the house.

Calling out after me she replied,

'He is not here. Mr. Rochester is at the hospital.'

I stopped dead in my tracks and whipped around.

'What happened? Is he alright?'

Mrs. Fairfax came up beside me and put her hand on my shoulder.

'He is with Bertha. She had a heart attack and is on life support.'

After standing there in disbelief for sometime I managed to get out,

'But I don't understand. Bertha wasn't that old.'

She shook her head.

'The doctors think her body released blood clots that were created after she miscarried. No one knew Bertha was even pregnant until she lost the baby, so everyone assumes that the dead fetus was in her uterus for way too long which caused clots to develop.'

I jumped back in my car and drove as quickly as I could to Vassar Brothers Medical Center in Poughkeepsie. Edward was sitting in the waiting room outside the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit when I arrived. If I thought he looked awful the morning after he told me about Bertha, he looked even worse today. His eyes were all bloodshot and his skin was devoid of color. And he now looked like he had aged twenty years because the worry lines were so prominent on his face. In addition, his unkempt hair and beard stubble made him look like a crazy person. I almost didn't recognize him, he looked that bad.

When Edward saw me staring at him from the doorway, he bolted from his chair, and took me in his arms.

'Jane, I was so worried about you! Why didn't you call me sooner?' he asked as he tightened his grip on me.

Not wanting to burden him with my misadventures, I just apologized and said that I lost all track of time. He didn't release his death grip on me and I didn't mind. I loved being in his arms even if I was having trouble breathing.

'The doctors want to know if I want to have Bertha removed from life support,' he sobbed while burying his face in my hair.

Eventually, I was able to pull back from him a little and look at his distressed face. I could see that he was in a lot of pain emotionally, and I really felt sorry for him.

'Mrs. Fairfax told me about the heart attack, but what exactly happened?'

Edward let go of me and we sat down. I took his hands in mine and he began.

'Three days after you left, Grace returned from the kitchen after having some dinner and found Bertha on the floor barely breathing. She tried administering CPR, but wasn't getting anywhere, so she yelled for help. Mrs. Fairfax called 911.'

'Where were you when all of this was going on?'

He put his head down.

'Drunk in my study. I was so distraught over you being gone and not calling. I really thought you had left me for good. Mrs. Fairfax had to sober me up while Bertha was brought here by ambulance.'

I squeezed his hands.

'But I told you I was coming back.'

'I know, I know, but you didn't call and my mind started playing all of these awful scenarios. I even tried to contact your aunt, but I couldn't for the life of me remember her name or where she lived.'

I shook my head, really hating myself at that moment for being so inconsiderate towards his feelings while I was away.

'What do the doctors have to say about Bertha's condition?'

'All the medical tests show that her cortex and brain stem cells aren't active. She doesn't respond to pain and her pupils are locked in a fixed position. Although her heart functions on its own for now, it is very weak and she is completely dependent on a ventilator for breathing. Jane, Bertha is considered brain dead.'

I put my right hand on his cheek, and as he leaned his scratchy face on my palm, I wished at that moment that I could take from him every ounce of pain and regret he was experiencing and give his weary mind and body a reprieve. Edward looked deep into my eyes and a tear escaped.

'I don't know what to do, Jane. I know no one would blame me for taking Bertha off of life support, but I don't know if I can do it. I feel like I've let her down so many times before that I don't know if I could live with myself if I ended her life. What if the doctors are wrong?'

Taking his other cheek in my left hand, I kissed his forehead.

'The only thing you can do is ask God for help.' So we bowed our heads and said a prayer asking for guidance.

Dear God, We come to you during this time of doubt and uncertainty, asking for your guidance so that we may make the best decision for our loved one. Show us what to do, so that the Spirit of wisdom may save us from all false choices. In your name we pray. Amen.

Because he didn't feel any better after we prayed, Edward decided to wait and make his decision in the morning.

Bertha made that decision for him. She suffered another heart attack and died peacefully at three-thirty in the morning. We were both in the waiting room with when she passed. Edward was sleeping peacefully with his head in my lap when the doctor came in. There was nothing they could do, he told us. She was now in a better place and we were grateful for that. All of her suffering had finally come to an end.

Two days later, Bertha was buried in Poughkeepsie Rural Cemetery wearing the black dress that she took from my room. There was a brief graveside service with only a chaplain, Mrs. Poole, Mrs. Fairfax, and Edward and I in attendance. Her brother, Richard Mason, didn't have the decency to pay his final respects to his sister even though Edward put his feelings aside and invited him to the service.

Life went back to normal at Thornfield. I taught Adele and helped out Mrs. Fairfax whenever I could while Edward was recovering from all of the stress he was under. He didn't ask me to join him in his bed and I was glad because I didn't know what I was going to do now that we were free to marry. I spent a lot of time weighing my options, but just couldn't make a decision one way or the other.

A week had now passed after Bertha's funeral and Edward was back to his old self. The color was back in his face and his dark eyes sparkled in the light as he joined me underneath the chestnut tree when my afternoon session with Adele was finished. Edward picked up my hand and looked deep into my eyes.

'Jane, the two weeks you were gone were torturous for me. I know you are my better self and that I need you to help keep me on the right path. Will you take me as your husband, be my comforter and rescuer, and help guide me through life?' He then took my engagement ring out of his pocket, slipped it on my finger and waited for my answer.

'Oh, Edward,' I began tenderly, 'I don't want to be your savior. I want to be your wife. If you can't do the right thing when we're not together then how are you going to do it when we are? I don't want to be responsible for you in that way. You know as well as I do that if I was to be your savior you would eventually grow to resent me. Ask for God's help in keeping you on the right path, not me.

Edward was now speechless, which was very rare for him. When my words finally sank in he asked,

'But you are going with me to London, right?'

I took a deep breath, dreading his reaction to what I was about to say.

'No. I am going to college.'

His eyes grew big.

'When did this happen?'

'When I was at my aunt's I found out that my parents had bought a few shares of stock for me right before they died. Their value has grown steadily over the years and now I have a little over twenty thousand dollars to my name. Since I now have the money, I went on-line and looked up Clinton Community College. It has everything I am looking for, including housing. So I drove up, looked around, and applied. I received my acceptance letter yesterday.'

Edward didn't say anything at first, but I could see the wheels turning in his head.

'Are you punishing me because I didn't tell you about Bertha? You know I'm a scoundrel, Jane, and I am truly sorry. I know I should have told you about her from the start and not expected you to gloss over my situation. I see that now. . .'

'Edward, I'm not punishing you!' I interrupted. 'This isn't even about you. It's about me. This is something I feel I need to do.''

'Then I don't know whether to hug you or strangle you!' he teased.

I cocked my head and smiled sweetly.

'I'm hoping for the hug.'

Edward took me in his arms and hugged me tight.

'Congratulations, I know you wanted to go to school, but why didn't you just ask me to pay for it? Did you think I would have said no? Am I that unreasonable?'

'No, Edward. I know you would give me anything I want. I don't know why I didn't come to you sooner. I guess I was afraid of hurting you.'

'Your wanting to go to college could never hurt me, Jane. I just wish I didn't need to be in London while you went. . . Are you sure there isn't another reason why you don't want to get married right now? My feelings for you haven't changed. Have yours? Do you still want me?'

'Of course I want you, Edward! Nothing has changed and I will wear my engagement ring proudly.' I sighed and took his face in my hands. 'I will be your friend and your lover if you still want, but I just want to wait a while before we get married. Sometimes I think you forget that I am only eighteen.'

'That is very easy to do, Jane,' he said before bringing his mouth down to mine and kissing me with such passion and longing that I thought I was going to pass out. When our lips finally separated, Edward put his forehead against mine. 'Are you sure I can't make you change your mind?'

I joked,

'If you keep kissing me like that!' Then I became serious. 'No, Edward. I really need to go to school and I am just too young to be married right now.'

He sighed.

'When do you leave?'

'In two weeks. Right before you do.'

'I guess we better start packing then.'

Edward put his arm around me as we walked quietly towards the house. Even though I knew I needed to go to school, I still felt bad for disappointing him. As much as I loved him and wanted to be his wife, I knew I would regret not having the college experience.

Before we entered the kitchen I turned to face him.

'I'm very surprised at your reaction to what I have told you. I was expecting a huge blowout.'

Edward smiled and took my face in his hands.

'See, I'm not such an ogre after all! But seriously, Jane, you are being true to yourself and that is just one of the many reasons why I love you. If I asked you to do anything different then you wouldn't be you. Remember, I did tell you to never change.'

A tear escaped my eye.

'Thank you, Edward. Please know that I love you very much and I do want to be your wife someday.'

'I know,' he said as he put his hand on my cheek and wiped the tear away with his thumb.

Edward and I truly made love for the first time that night. It wasn't frantic or mind blowing like the other times. It was sedate and sacred, going beyond the realm of physical contact and becoming a spiritual experience for the both of us. Just the simple act of looking into each others eyes while we made love bonded us together like never before because there was a much higher level of emotion and meaning behind our actions. When we discussed it later, we both agreed that we were transported that night to another place and touched the Eternal.

--

Clinton Community College Web Site / Wikipedia - Brain Death / Mission St. Clare English Prayers and a prayer by Chaplain Mildred M. Best - adapted by jpmel


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 - Adult Content

The two weeks flew by while I was preparing to leave Thornfield and Edward insisted on taking me shopping for all of the things you cannot survive college without like a mini refrigerator, an iPhone, a 17 inch MacBook Pro, and anything else I thought I needed. He even offered to pay my tuition so I could keep my stock, but I put my foot down, and sold off just enough to cover my first semester's tuition and living expenses.

'This is something I need to do for myself,' I told him after I got off the phone with my stock broker.

Edward took me in his arms and kissed me.

'You certainly are a rare one, Jane Eyre. I'm very lucky to have found you.'

'And I am very lucky to have found you,' I replied as I caressed his cheek.

Since we didn't want to spend one moment apart from each other, I moved into Edward's bedroom where we spent fourteen glorious nights in each others arms. We didn't find it necessary to make love every night because just being together was enough.

As to be expected, Adele wasn't happy that her uncle and I were leaving her all alone and told us many times in her very best drama queen voice. After reminding her that Mrs. Fairfax would still be at Thornfield with her, I explained that this was something I needed to do and that she would understand someday. Then I promised to visit her every chance I got and even invited her to spend a weekend or two with me on campus. When Adele realized that she could could come up and check out all of the college men, she changed her tune and now couldn't wait for me to leave.

The big day finally arrived and I really had a lot of trouble saying good-bye to Mrs. Fairfax and Adele because they had come to be my family over the months that I lived here. Mrs. Fairfax hugged me tight and told me that I was going to do well in all of my classes, while Adele kept reminding me of my promise to let her visit me on campus. After the last hug and kiss was given, Edward and I got in our vehicles and set off. Even though I didn't need to be on campus until Friday, we were going up a day early so Edward and I could have some time alone together in a suite at a small Victorian Bed & Breakfast that overlooked Lake Champlain.

The car ride was uneventful and we arrived at lunch time to a gourmet picnic that was waiting for us on the bluff. After stretching our legs for a bit, we sat on a blanket and indulged in exotic, overstuffed sandwiches and salads with perfectly matched wine. If that wasn't enough, we ended our meal with a decadent, chocolate toffee brownie while snuggling up together and admiring the breathtaking view.

As I leaned into his body and felt his breath on my neck, I was beginning to have doubts about my decision to go to school. Now, I know no one would blame me if I changed my mind. It's not like I needed a degree so I could get a good job. Edward has more than enough money for the both of us and I don't need much, just him. But that little voice inside my head kept saying that I would regret not having the college experience. Besides it is only for two years and absence does make the heart grow fonder. I hope.

Edward, being totally unaware of my apprehension, began kissing my neck as he sat behind me. Quickly forgetting about all of my insecurities, I leaned my head to the right, allowing his soft lips to move down to my shoulder as he moved the neck of my t-shirt out of his way. And when his hands moved on to cup my breasts through my shirt, I felt his arousal grow quickly against my lower back.

My desire for him at that moment was just as overwhelming, but our room wasn't going to be ready for another hour and the Land Rover and Honda were both full of my stuff. Looking around, I noticed a secluded spot amongst a cluster of bushes only a few yards away. Edward and I must have had the same idea because he motioned for me to get up before grabbing the blanket and leading me to our little Eden.

When we were safe from prying eyes, Edward laid the blanket down and took me in his arms. His mouth forcefully claimed mine as our hands freely roamed each others body. Wanting to feel his skin under my lips and not material, I quickly removed his t-shirt and took one of his nipples in my mouth, swirling and sucking on it, while he threw his head back and cried out. My hands then traveled from his firm buttocks, where they were resting, to his urgency so I could release him from his remaining clothing. Edward proudly stood before me in the sunlight looking like a very sexy version of Adam. His broad shoulders, defined chest, deliciously flat stomach, slim hips, most perfect backside, large manhood and toned thighs were a feast for my eyes, hands and mouth, so I indulged, and would have been content pleasuring him all afternoon, but he wanted a chance to return the favor.

Taking his time, Edward revealed my body slowly and reverently before laying me down on the blanket. Time stood still as he went over every inch of my being with his hands and mouth like he was exploring me for the first time and committing everything to memory. All I had to do was rejoice in his touch on my skin as the sun warmed our naked bodies.

When he couldn't wait any longer, Edward sat up on the blanket and I slowly lowered myself onto him, wanting to prolong this moment for as long as I possibly could. Not being in a hurry, I moved gently, but deliberately over him while he buried his face in my neck and occasionally leaned me back so he could take one of my taut nipple in his mouth. Edward loved my ability to command his body and was more than willing to let me set the pace. I continued moving my hips rhythmically over his for some time and he showed his appreciation by moaning loudly. I joined him, not caring if anyone heard us, we were so lost in the moment. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end sometime, but before it did, we both reveled in our mutual climax. It was so powerful that it caused Edward to fall back on the blanket, bringing me down on top of him.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in our little Eden, relishing in each other's nakedness as the birds flew overhead and a light, gentle breeze blew. I never wanted to leave this spot, but we were afraid that, eventually, someone from the B&B was going to come looking for their blanket, so we dressed quickly before walking hand in hand the few yards back to civilization and our suite of rooms.

Edward and I had some time to kill before our dinner reservation and the Jacuzzi tub did look tempting, but we decided to tour a winery instead. We visited Yates Cellars, a small, limited production, boutique winery that grows and produces over fifteen varieties of wine. Their main feature, besides the wine, is their shop which is located in the Hampstead Mansion, a Yates County Historic Landmark. So we spent the late afternoon sipping more wine and laughing while I stumbled through the mansion on Edward's arm.

It was now getting late, so we returned to the Bed & Breakfast and showered together. I must say the Edward was very thorough when it came to making sure certain parts of my body were clean and I hoped I did as good, if not a better job on one particular part of his anatomy. I think I did because we ended our shower with Edward picking me up and taking me against the wall like he did that day in the workout room.

Since our shower took longer than we expected, we now had to dress quickly because we were late for our dinner reservation. I threw on an extremely flattering summer wrap dress that I bought especially for this occasion while Edward dressed himself in a long sleeved, thin striped, button down dress shirt and khakis. He looked so good that I almost threw him down on the bed and had my way with him, but I was hungry and still a little tipsy from all of the wine I drank, so we headed out to the Esperanza Mansion for dinner.

Edward insisted that we take advantage of the beautiful night by sitting outside and having dinner overlooking the lake. I couldn't have agreed with him more and to my surprise, he had arranged for us to dine alone. When we got there, the wait staff had already set up an intimate table for two in the center of the patio and cleared enough space so we could dance to the music playing from the sound system if we chose to.

On our last evening together, we toasting each other with more wine while enjoying another delicious meal. Because there was no tiramisu on the menu and we were in the mood for some dessert, we indulged in a decadent scuro cioccolato torta for two before spending the rest of our time staring into each other's eyes and dancing under the stars. It was a perfect night and we were together. Nothing else mattered.

After taking a moonlit stroll along the bluff when we were finished with our supper, we headed back to the Bed & Breakfast. Our suite had a balcony overlooking the lake, so I curled up on Edward's lap as we looked out at the night sky. If he wasn't pointing out constellations, he was running his fingers through my hair which made me feel loved and cherished, so I turned my face to his and gently kissed him on his mouth.

When I pulled away and looked deep into his eyes, I could see that he wanted me to go to London with him. To his credit, he never asked me to change my mind and I was glad. He loved me enough to let me go and do what I felt I needed to do. I know it sounds improbable that I could love him any more than I did, but his sensitivity to my needs made me love him even more than I thought was humanly possible.

We resumed kissing and Edward got up and carried me over to the bed. But instead of laying me down, he stood me up at the foot of the bed before he sat on the edge of the mattress and pulled me into his body. I lovingly took his face in my hands and we kissed each other again and again until I was unable to breathe. Needing to get some air, I stepped back and untied the bow on my hip, essentially unwrapping myself, and let the dress fall to the floor. Edward smiled as I stood in front of him in my bra and panties and I could feel the heat from his gaze as his eyes went over every inch of me. My body trembled in response.

Wanting to close the space between us, I pushed Edward back on the bed, climbed on top of him and planted tiny kisses where his shirt was open. When I raised myself up on my arms, he buried his face in my cleavage and removed my special occasion bra. Edward didn't seem to be too disappointed in what was really underneath all of the lace and padding because he kissed and nipped at my breasts as they hung down over him.

He eventually rolled me over on my back and straddled me while I fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. When I finally opened all of them, Edward removed his shirt before leaning over and kissing me deeply. I lovingly ran my hands over his muscular shoulders and back as he pressed his hard body into mine. Since I couldn't wait to have him inside of me, I brought my arms down and under him so I could flip open his belt and unzip his pants. As I struggled to push them over his hips, Edward came to my rescue and moved everything down far enough so they wouldn't be in the way. After removing my panties, he found me more than ready to accept all of him, so he plunged himself deep inside of me.

Taking his weight on his arms, he hovered over me and thrust while I raised my hips up off of the bed to meet his. I know I could have lay there passively and let him do all of the work, but I chose not to. I was just as forceful as he was which caused him to cry out more than once. The storm raged between our sweat covered bodies and in no time at all we were drowning in the surge of pleasure that ripped through us both. After the last rush subsided, Edward buried his face in my neck and tried to calm his heavy breathing while I lay under him, realizing that by this time tomorrow, I would be all alone in my dorm room bed. I fought back the tears the best I could, but it was useless.

Realizing that I was upset, Edward picked up his head and looked down on me with a concerned look on his face. I think he thought he had hurt me because he kissed my forehead and immediately began apologizing for something that he didn't do. I told him that he was mistaken before I buried my face in his chest and confessed that I was second guessing every decision that I had made. Without another word, he wrapped his arms around me and let me cry it out.

When I was finally done crying, he lovingly wiped away my tears and then asked me what the little angel sitting on my shoulder thought I should do. I laughed, remembering the conversation we had had in his study about regret. Making the right decision hurt like hell, but I knew I needed to go to school and thankfully, Edward did too. He could have taken this opportunity to talk me into going to London with him, but he didn't.

The rest of the night was spent in each others embrace. Edward slept like a baby, but I didn't and woke up the next morning with a huge headache. Since I didn't have to check in at the school until mid-afternoon, I returned to bed while Edward went for a jog. He returned an hour later all sexy and sweaty, so I tended to his sore muscles with my healing hands before joining him in the Jacuzzi. We then had a late breakfast of praline french toast, ham and fresh squeezed orange juice delivered to our room so we could continue enjoying our last morning alone together.

Unfortunately, we couldn't delay the inevitable any longer, so we checked out of the B&B and Edward helped me check into my dorm room. I found that I was put in a small single and was relieved that I didn't have a roommate because I liked my privacy. As I got to work setting things up, Edward handed me a present. I could tell he wrapped it himself because the paper was uneven and he used way too much tape, but I thought it was the most beautifully wrapped box that I had ever seen. When I carefully unwrapped it, I found a top of the line Cannon digital camera. After I thanked him many times he chuckled,

'I gave it to you so you can use it to take really good pictures of yourself in sexy lingerie and e-mail them to me.'

I responded by rolling my eyes and snorting,

'So, this camera is really for you then!'

'No, these are for me,' he replied while smiling devilishly and handing me four boxes from the very expensive lingerie boutique, La Perla.

As I opened Edward's backhanded yet lovely presents, he tested out my single bed. After a few seconds he commented,

'As much as I would love fulfilling the fantasy of sleeping with my sexy coed on her dorm room bed, when I visit you in the future, we are definitely going to stay at the Bed & Breakfast!'

I leaned over and kissed him saying that I would hold him to his promise.

Edward scrunched over and I lay down with him on the bed. As I rested my head on his chest, he wrapped his strong arms around me.

'I'm really going to miss you, Jane,' he said sadly into my hair.

When I picked up my head, I caught a tear escaping his eye with my finger. Looking at it, I laughed and cried at the same time before burying my face in his warm, comforting body. We lay like this for some time, clinging tightly to one another, knowing that he would be leaving soon for Thornfield and then for London.

I had intended to walk Edward down to his Land Rover when it was time for him to go. But since I knew I was going to get in his vehicle and demand that he take me home, we said our goodbyes in the doorway of my room. There were other parents and students milling about in the hall, but we didn't care. Edward and I kissed each other passionately, knowing that this kiss needed to sustain us until we saw each other again. I'm sure we attracted a lot of attention, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered at that moment but our kiss goodbye.

Edward reluctantly pulled his mouth away from mine before taking my face in his hands.

'Play nicely with the other students,' he said trying to make light of the situation, but it didn't work, and I fought back tears as I watched Edward walk down the hall. Before he got to the stairs, he turned back to me and blew a kiss. Even though I smiled and waved at him, my heart was breaking in two.

When he left my field of vision, I went into my room and closed the door. Then I wrapped my arms around myself and never felt more alone in my life.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

When I lay down on my bed, I noticed that it smelled faintly like Edward, so I buried my face in his manly fragrance and cried while wishing with all of my might that he would burst through my door, carry me out to his Land Rover, and force me to go with him to London. Edward loved me with all of his heart, and I just pushed him aside like his feelings meant nothing to me so I could do what I wanted. How selfish was I? I hated. . . no. . . I loathed myself at that moment, and draped my arm over my eyes in disgust for what I thought was a minute or two. But I must have fallen asleep because. . .

I dreamed that I snuck out of Thornfield and was wandering aimlessly down a path that didn't look familiar to me. And what was really weird was that I couldn't look forward and I couldn't look back, only down at the ground, yet I still managed to trip over every single rock and tree root in my path. It was obvious to me, even with my head stuck in this odd position, that it was going to be a lovely summer day because I could hear the birds chirping cheerfully and could feel a light breeze blowing as the sun warmed me. I wanted to take in the beauty of my surrounding but couldn't. My head and heart both felt heavy from me feeling tired and being in such emotional despair. The path continued on and on, and I stumbled on and on even though I knew there was no end in sight. I just kept on walking until. . . .

I woke up and realized that it was Saturday morning. Rolling over, I looked at my clock and saw that Edward should have been on his way to London by now. My overactive imagination immediately pictured him sitting in first class, enjoying himself without a care in the world, as the plane took him further and further away from me.

When I attempted to get out of bed, I noticed that I felt warm and my stomach hurt, so I stayed there all day, never leaving my room, not even to get something to eat. I did try to fall back asleep numerous times, but couldn't, and spent the day staring up at the ceiling tiles instead of attending all of the freshman orientation activities that were happening outside on the quad.

Sunday eventually came around and even though my classes were beginning tomorrow, I didn't know if I was going to attend any of them. My stomach didn't hurt anymore, but I still felt feverish, and I still had trouble getting out of bed. And to top it all off, my iPhone was ringing constantly. I let all of the messages go to voice mail because I knew most, if not all of the calls were from Edward, who was most likely wondering why the hell I wasn't answering my phone. Despite the fact that I missed him terribly and ached to hear his voice, I just couldn't bring myself to speak to him or listen to his messages.

In my despair, I spent this day and the next one in a dream like state. I pictured myself out in the countryside, standing at a crossroads in the middle of nowhere, with only the clothes on my back and no money in my pocket. Even though I had a pretty good idea of where I was due to the road signs, I was still scared out of my mind because I had no idea as to why I was out here all alone. Yet I dreaded the possibility of someone finding me, since I couldn't come up with a rational explanation that didn't make me sound crazy. So I kept company with the only companion I wanted at that moment, Mother Nature. And she was kind enough to provide me with a sheltered spot that was out of view from the road.

Even though I was protected from view, I had trouble making myself comfortable because my mind kept playing tricks on me. I sat in fear of being discovered by wild animals (there have been sightings of mountain lions in upstate NY, you know!), or worse, another human being. When I realized that I was being silly and that nothing was going to bother me, I relaxed a bit before going off to find some food. Wild raspberries were plentiful and I ate as many as I could find before trying to fall asleep in the soft, tall grass near by.

Thankfully, the night was mild. But because God's handiwork was on display in the heavens, I spent most of the night marveling at the beautiful sky that spread out before me, instead of sleeping. I was so overcome with His presence that I got on my knees and said a prayer thanking Him for His protection before finally falling asleep.

Thank you for the Light of God which surrounds me; The Love of God that enfolds me; The Power of God that protects me, and The Presence of God that watches over me. Wherever I am, God is, and all is well.

After waking up the next morning and realizing that I needed way more than wild raspberries for my breakfast, I set off on foot to find some real food, and walked for what felt like forever. I tired out quickly and wanted to stop, but kept going until I found a small village. Hunger now consumed my every thought, but no one would give me anything to eat. I even offered to do a small job or two for a slice of bread or a piece of cheese, but was repeatedly denied. Everyone I came in contact with looked down on me suspiciously, and I couldn't blame them. Eventually, I found a half eaten sandwich in a garbage can, and pushing my pride aside, I ate it greedily before continuing on my journey to nowhere.

Even with the food in my belly, I felt like I was going to die. I wanted to die. Then I saw a light in the distance. I was too weak to walk to it, so I lay down on the ground, closed me eyes and begged God to relieve me of my suffering. In my delirium, I thought I saw the light moving closer to me. I wearily reached out for it when. . .

I heard a pounding noise and then a voice.

'We are looking for Jane Eyre. Jane, are you in there?'

Not sure of where I was at first, I looked around. When I saw that I was lying in my dorm room bed and not dying in a ditch somewhere, I tried to get up and call out, but I couldn't because I was feeling very weak and my mouth felt really dry. So I panicked, thinking that whoever was banging on my door was eventually going to give up and leave. Thankfully, the next thing I knew, the door was being unlocked and a strange man and woman both walked into my room. The man took one look at me and told the blond woman he was with to get some water. Then he walked over to my bed and told me that everything was going to be alright.

The next few hours were a blur until I opened my eyes to find myself lying on a bed in what looked to be a make shift hospital room. After looking around and not seeing anyone, I panicked again and tried to get up, but I was still very weak so I fell back on the bed. Only a couple of minutes passed before a woman with long, dark curly hair came into the room and smiled at me.

'You're up! I'll go tell John.' But instead of leaving right away, she paused for a moment and patted my hand before adding, 'We were really worried about you.'

The woman then left the room and quickly came back with a man whose name, I assumed, was John. He took one look at me and said curtly in her general direction,

'Diana, she needs something to eat and drink, but give it to her slowly. We don't want her to get sick.'

Diana brought me some water and crackers. I was very thirsty and tried to drink the water quickly, but she wouldn't let me. Since she kept taking the cup away, I grabbed the box of crackers and began devouring them two at a time. Diana tried to take them away too, but I was feeling stronger, so I slapped her hand while hugging the box to my chest.

John blurted out,

'She certainly is a feisty one. I guess she is feeling better,' as he laughed at my antics.

When I finished all of the crackers and the water, I asked in a hoarse whisper,

'Where am I? What day is it?'

John sat down on the edge of my bed and replied,

'It's Tuesday and you are in the infirmary at Clinton Community College,' before looking down at my engagement ring and asking, 'Is this your first time away from home? Do you miss your family?'

I was confused, partially because I was wondering if he could read my mind, and partially because the man looked strangely familiar to me.

'Why do you ask?'

'Because you might be depressed. I'm told that you locked yourself in your room and didn't attend any of the freshman orientation activities.'

'How do you know that I didn't attend the activities?' I asked feeling defensive. My voice was much stronger now.

'My sister, Mary, told me. She is your Resident Assistant and lives on your floor.'

'I don't think I've met Mary. How does she know me?'

'Let's just say she witnessed your good-bye to your family.'

My head fell back on the bed as I thought of Edward, and wondered if he missed me, or found someone else because he finally realized that I wasn't worth waiting for. I felt like I was going to cry, but since I was still a bit dehydrated, no tears came.

'Depression is very common in college freshmen,' John began. 'For most it is the first time that they are away from home. The symptoms can include feeling down or sad, excessive worrying, difficulty making decisions, and trouble eating and sleeping. I think you suffer from at least two.'

I didn't feel like arguing with him, so I didn't, even though my pride thought I might be suffering from a bad case of food poisoning as well.

'I'll talk to your professors so they know what is going on. Believe me, this is nothing new and you are not the only person to go through this, so don't be ashamed. Everyone needs to ask for help sometime.'

Then it hit me. I was talking to the man who gave me a ride the day my Honda broke down!

'Here is a pamphlet about ways to make your first year at college more manageable and my card. I wrote down the hours for the Counseling & Advisement Offices on the back. You don't need to make an appointment, but they are encouraged. All appointments are free and confidential.'

I looked into his piercing blue eyes.

'Thank you for everything you have done for me.'

'That's what they pay me for. Take care of yourself, Jane. I hope to see you real soon.' John blushed and then stuttered, 'I didn't mean in a bed all dehydrated and depressed. I mean talking to someone, if you feel you need to. Good bye.'

After some more food, water, and rest, Diana, who I found out was John's other sister, escorted me to my dorm. We didn't talk much on the way back. I did catch her admiring my engagement ring, but neither of us said anything about it. When we arrived at my door, I thanked her for everything she had done for me and she informed me that Mary would be checking in on me this evening.

Diana left and I looked over the pamphlet John gave me. I noticed right away that it was covered with pictures of overly enthusiastic looking college students participating in various coed activities. And after rolling my eyes, I began reading about ways to make my first year at college more manageable.

All of the information was common sense: eat right, exercise, develop a normal routine, get lots of rest, make friends, get involved with activities, be organized, blah, blah, blah. Nothing resonated with me until I read, "Beat homesickness by staying in touch with those you love through phone calls, e-mails or visits. . . Normal symptoms of anxiety should not interfere with a student's ability to attend classes, socialize or complete his or her work." After rereading that last section of the pamphlet, I knew what I needed to do, so I got my iPhone and listened to some of the messages Edward had left for me.

'Hi, it's me. I'm about half way to Thornfield and I really thought about turning around and dragging you out of your room and making you come to London with me. How crazy is that? I know you are having a great time meeting new people. Don't worry about not fitting in. I know everyone is going to fall in love with you the moment they see you, just like I did. I love you, and will call you when I get home.'

'Jane, it's me again. Just walked in the door. Adele and Mrs. Fairfax both say hi. They miss you. I miss you. The Hall feels so different without you here. I guess you are not used to turning on your cell phone and are out having a great time. Don't stay out too late. Love you.'

'Jane, it's me and it's early Saturday morning. I'm calling you from the plane. Security was a bitch to go through, as usual. . . Oh shit! Gotta go. The pilot wants us to stop using our phones. Listen, call me when you get this and leave a message. Miss you. Love you. Bye.'

'Jane, it's me again. The flight was boring and I kept looking over at the empty seat next to me, wishing you were here, and thinking about how much fun it would be for you to join the Mile High Club. Love you. Is everything alright? Talk to you soon.'

'Jane, it's Edward. It's now Sunday and I still haven't heard from you. What the hell is going on? Call me. I'm really worried.'

'Jane, it's Monday night. Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong? Jane, please call me and let me know what is going on!'

'Jane, if you get this, please call me! It's Tuesday morning. I'm at my wits end and about to fly back to see if your alright. Please call me, Jane! If there is a problem I know we can fix it together.'

I could hear the fear in Edward's voice escalating with each message, so I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up. I didn't have to wait long.

'Oh my God, Jane! Is this really you? You're not lying somewhere dead in a ditch?'

Even though I felt really bad for making him worry, I laughed at his reaction to my phone call.

'I wasn't feeling well, Edward. Sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner.'

There was a long pause before he asked,

'You weren't in the hospital or anything? Jane. . . are you. . . pregnant?'

'No, nothing like that. I'm fine, really. I miss you. How's London?'

'Oh,' he replied sounding disappointed. 'Rainy and busy. I miss you, too. How are your classes?'

Not wanting to tell him that I hadn't been to one yet I answered,

'Easier than I thought they would be.'

'That is because you are a very intelligent woman. Your professors don't know who they are dealing with. I always knew that you were going to do really well.'

'Thanks for the vote of confidence, Edward. I love you.'

'I love you, too, Jane. I'm on my way to a meeting right now. Wish me luck. These potential clients are really putting the screws to me. I'm really glad you're alright. Thanks for finally getting back to me. I'll talk to you later. Bye.'

'Bye, Edward.'

That night, Mary Rivers knocked on my door to see if I was alright, and I was.

Dream sequences are taken from "Jane Eyre" Chapters 27 and 28 / Prayer by James Dillet Freeman - adapted by jpmel / information on depression - i village


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

My first full week of classes came and went and I survived. At first it felt really weird being the student again and not the teacher, but I quickly learned to sit back and enjoy it. Also, it was nice to finally be involved in discussions where people had differing viewpoints about the topics we were studying. Thanks to Brocklehurst, I have never had that kind of classroom experience. He felt his classroom was a dictatorship and what ever knowledge he deemed worthy to bestow on his students was to be spoken back to him verbatim, without any input from us. Because we were not even suppose to have our own opinions, we risked his wrath, and according to him, the wrath of God, if he heard us expressing them.

Even though I have no trouble expressing my opinions now, when I entered a college classroom for the first time, I immediately reverted back to a scared ten year old. I began to chew on my fingers and pray for help in keeping my thoughts to myself long enough to prevent the Reverend from striking me with the birch rod. Once I realized that Brocklehurst was no where to be found, and I wasn't going to get punished for expressing my ideas, I happily participated in most classroom discussions.

Some classes were better than others, and one day, as I looked out the window while my Western Civilization professor droned on and on about something that I wasn't interested in, I began to think about my future. Since I didn't need to work because I had my stocks, I decided to see if I could get approval to take eighteen credit hours a semester instead of fifteen. And if I took two, four credit classes over the summer, I could have my associates degree in a year and a half instead of two. I would save money and be six months closer to marring Edward! As much as I wanted the college experience, I couldn't wait to be his wife. So as soon as my Western Civilization class was finished, I went down to the Admissions Office and applied for approval.

Three days later it was granted and I was really surprised since I had such a rocky start to my college career. With the additional class added to my schedule, I was now up to my eyeballs in school work. But I didn't care. The extra work helped me to take my mind off of just how much I missed Edward.

Because I missed him so, I tried to talk to him everyday through phone calls, e-mails or instant messages. And yes, I did send him some pictures of me in his presents, and he said he really enjoyed looking at them. I had a feeling I knew what he wanted them for and thought it was pretty funny. I never considered myself to be pinup girl material, but I guess he did, and it made me feel sexy.

When I wasn't communicating with Edward or didn't have my nose buried in a book, I got to know Mary Rivers. We hit it off immediately and quickly found out that we had a lot in common. One thing being that we were both orphans. Her mother died when she was three and her father died when she was twelve.

I also found out through Mary that John gave up his scholarship to Princeton so he could raise her and Diana. I give John a lot of credit. He worked during the day and went to collage at night so he could provide for his sisters. Somehow, he managed to finish up his undergraduate degree and earn his masters in under three years before finding a job as a counselor at Clinton Community College. Mary said his job here has been a blessing for them because it enables both her and her sister to attend college at a deeply discounted price. And their respective jobs as Resident Assistant and Licensed Practical Nurse in the clinic have provided much needed spending money for them as well as free housing during the school year for Mary, while Diana, who is working on her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at night from SUNY Plattsburgh, lives with John in an apartment not far from campus.

Every Sunday, Mary goes over to her siblings' apartment to have family dinner, and one Sunday in October, she invited me to join them. When we got there, I was greeted warmly by Diana who was cooking a roast chicken with mashed potatoes. The food smelled heavenly and I was ecstatic to have a home cooked meal again. I immediately offered to help out anyway I could, but was told to sit and relax because I was a guest. While the sisters chatted in the kitchen and got things ready, I looked around. The apartment was small, only two bedrooms, and furnished quite plainly with furniture that had seen better days, but it was neat, clean and comfortable looking.

Needing to use their facilities, I went down the hall and instead of finding the bathroom, I found John sitting in his room, lost in thought. I blushed and quickly apologized for disturbing him before leaving to try another door. With my business finished, I returned to the kitchen, and found that John had come out of his room. When he saw me, he gave me a very odd look before turning away. I couldn't tell if I offended him or not, so I didn't say anything. I didn't have to, Diana spoke for me.

'What is up with you, John? I saw the look you gave her. Why are you being so rude to our guest?'

He frowned.

'Di, I have a lot on my mind right now. I didn't mean to be rude.' Then he turned to me and forced a smile. 'Sorry, if you thought I was being rude, Jane.'

I smiled back but thought about how different he was acting from the day we first met on the side of the road.

'That's OK. I did walk into your bedroom without knocking, after all.'

Mary chimed in from the kitchen,

'Good. Now that that's all settled, let's eat. I'm hungry!'

After a quick Prayer of Thanksgiving, we all sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed Diana's delicious meal. When we were half way through our supper and had exhausted all polite conversation, she turned to me.

'My brother says he has met you before. Is that true?'

John looked uncomfortable and I blushed because I was surprised to find out that he remembered me. John never indicated that he did before.

'Yes, he helped me when my car broke down on the Express Way. He was kind enough to drive me to a pay phone.'

Diana laughed.

'So, he is not the only other person in the world without a cell phone!'

'He might be now,' I grinned. I just got an iPhone not too long ago!'

Mary practically leapt over the table,

'Where is it? Can I see it? Why didn't you show it to me before!'

While laughing at Mary's response, I went over to my purse and got it out. She grabbed it from my hand and began playing around with the touch screen.

'Is this your fiancé?' Mary asked while holding up a really good picture of Edward. 'He's handsome.'

Diana looked over Mary's shoulder and nodded in agreement.

'Yes, that's my Edward,' I said as I felt the tears begin to well up in my eyes. 'I often wonder if I made the right decision in going to school instead of marrying him and moving to London.'

Mary handed the phone to John before she and Diana comforted me. He took a quick look at Edward's picture and said in a cold, preachy tone,

'I don't know what kind of man your fiancé is, but you must not keep thinking about what could have been. Live in the here and now and stay the course until your degree is finished. I know how hard it is to go against human nature and not do what feels good in order to do what is best. I always look to God for help in suppressing urges that go against his will. Maybe you should too.'

I didn't know how to respond to that, but Diana and Mary did. They both rolled their eyes at him. Unfortunately, John didn't seem to notice. He was too busy being pleased with his sermon as he cleared away some dishes.

Because there was just enough chicken and mashed potatoes to go around, we all still had plenty of room for dessert, so we indulged in homemade apple pie and ice cream. Afterwards, the girls and I decided to go for a walk while John offered to stay back and finish cleaning up. He figured it was the least he could do since he didn't help with any of the cooking. When we were out in the cool, night air, Diana talked about her brother.

'I'm really sorry about John, Jane. Most of the time he acts like he is made of stone, but he does have the ability to be a warm person once in a while. I think he's like that because he is disappointed with the way his life turned out. John stepped up and did a really good job taking care of us when our father died. Unfortunately, he sacrificed his own dreams to keep us together. I know he wants leave New York, but if he does then Mary and I have to start paying more for college and we can't afford it. We are all just making ends meet as it is, so he needs to wait at least four more years to pursue his dreams. And to make matters worse, his fiancé just broke off their engagement and married someone else.'

I felt really bad for John at that moment. Diana continued.

'Rosamond was his high school and college sweetheart. They were inseparable and her parents loved him like a son. We just don't understand why John and her never got married! Rosamond is so beautiful and so kind. . .'

'And so very rich!' Mary interjected.

'But come to think of it, she could be a bit flighty and always let him tell her what to do. It was almost to the point of being controlling. Truth be known, I'm really surprised she had the courage to break off the engagement. John can be so unrelenting sometimes, you know, like a dog with a bone that he just won't let go of. Once he gets something into his head, that's the way it has to be, whether it is right or not.' Diana shook her head, 'John certainly takes pigheadedness to a whole new level!'

Mary chuckled,

'It's a shame you're engaged, Jane. You would be a good match for him because you wouldn't let him get away with anything!'

I laughed, thinking how miserable I would be being married to John Rivers.

The three of us finished up our walk and Mary and I said our good-bye's. Diana hugged me tight and invited me to join them next Sunday for dinner. I told her wild horses couldn't keep me away. John, on the other hand, said a polite but cold good-bye before quickly leaving the room.

Mary and I returned to campus and watched a little TV together together in her room before I excused myself and called Edward. I missed him so much that I forgot about the time difference and woke him up.

'Hello?' He sounded really groggy.

'Oh, Edward! Did I wake you? I'm so sorry.' I looked at the clock and laughed. 'Oops! It's four o'clock in the morning over there.'

'That's OK, Jane. I was just dreaming about you.'

I smiled,

'Oh really! I hope it was good.'

'Jane, it's always good!' he replied in a deep and sexy voice.

'Well, as much as I would love to hear all about it now, I know you need to get back to sleep. Call me later and you can tell me just how good it was.'

'Will do. Love you.'

'Love you, too. Bye.'

When I turned in, I dreamed of Edward and it was good!

Mary, Diana and I soon became inseparable. The three of us ate breakfast and lunch together every day in the cafeteria. Unfortunately, Diana couldn't join us for dinner because she was busy attending nursing classes and studying in her school's library. When Mary and I weren't studying like Diana, we were hanging out. Sometimes we would go to the second run movie theater and see movies that were a few months old for only three dollars. Other times we would go to the mall and window shop. Diana joined us whenever she could, and the three of us got along really well together. John even started calling us the Three Musketeers because you usually didn't see one of us without the other two not far behind.

I enjoyed college life and was doing really well in my classes, but I still missed Edward terribly. Sometimes the time difference made it hard to talk every day, but I always made the effort because I missed hearing his sexy voice. Also, we quickly figured out that there were a lot of things we could do with technology to keep our sexual relationship alive. Our MacBook Pros had built in video cameras so we could see each other as we chatted through the computer. And on the weekends, we had a lot of fun playing naughty games with each other over the internet and a good time was had by all.

But as much fun as we were having online, it did not even remotely compare to the intimacy of being together. Nothing could ever replace skin on skin contact or the emotions that go along with it. So I spent many lonely nights lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, while longing to feel Edward's lips and hands on my body.

One Sunday, in mid November, Mary and I were sitting in her siblings' living room and she was telling me about a guy she has liked for a very long time, but didn't have the courage to talk to. I listened and helped come up with some ways for her to get noticed without coming on too strong. During our talk, Diana called Mary into the kitchen to help her with something, and I was left alone with John, who had been reading the paper, seemingly oblivious to our conversation. As soon as Mary was out of earshot, he spoke to me.

'I couldn't help but overhear what you said to my sister. You gave her some very good advice. I think you have a gift for helping people.'

I blushed because I'm still not used to getting compliments.

'I know you are busy with your extended course load, but if you are interested, I could use another Peer Counselor in my office. If you could make the time, it would look really good on your transcripts. Besides, you might get a scholarship out of it.'

'Thanks, John. I'm not so sure I could be of any use to you and I am really busy with my studies, but I will think about it,' I replied while being very surprised by his offer.

When I returned to my dorm room that night, I mulled over what John had to say. Then I remembered the night in Edward's study when he told me he felt really comfortable opening up to me. John and Edward might be right after all. Maybe I do have a gift for helping people!

After my classes ended the next day, I went over to the Counseling & Advisement Offices and met with John. We agreed that I would start out slowly, when I returned from Thanksgiving break, by sitting in on some of his sessions. And if all went well, I could begin my career as a Peer Counselor at the beginning of the next semester. I left John's office feeling really excited and couldn't wait to tell Edward.

I called him up after checking to see what time it was. It was about nine o'clock in the evening over there and he quickly answered his phone. I could hear laughter and conversation in the background and figured he was in a restaurant or at a dinner party. Edward said that he had trouble hearing me, so he left the table in order to find a quiet place to talk. When he found one, I told him about John's offer and he said that he was happy for me. Edward knew all about my relationship with the Rivers family and was pleased that I had them to lean on.

Unfortunately, Edward had some really bad news. He told me that he couldn't fly home for Thanksgiving, and I was so devastated that I felt like I was going to die right then and there. I thought we were going to have five glorious days and nights together at Thornfield where I could touch him, smell him, kiss him and make love to him, but those damn hard ass clients were being very demanding on his time. In fact, he was with them right now and needed to get back to the dinner he was hosting. After we said our good-byes, I skipped dinner and cried myself to sleep.

I really didn't want to go to Thornfield for Thanksgiving now that Edward wasn't going to be there, but I knew Adele and Mrs. Fairfax were expecting me. With a heavy heart, I made the four and a half hour drive the day before and arrived just after lunch time.

Adele met me in the driveway looking amazing. I think she grew a least two inches since August and she was even more beautiful than I remembered. Her dark eyes and hair shone brightly in the sunlight and when I looked at her closely, I could really see her resemblance to her uncle. I didn't know whether to smile or cry, I missed him so much. Adele barely let me get out of my car before she gave me a huge bear hug while begging me to take her to The Galleria. I laughed to myself because nothing had really changed.

Mrs. Fairfax greeted me at the door wearing an apron that was covered in flour, but I didn't care. I gave her a huge hug and a kiss before settling in my old room. After I unpacked, I went downstairs and the three of us spent the afternoon baking and talking. Adele told me all about the Hackley School, a co-educational, independent day school in Tarrytown, which she now attends. She just went on and on about how she loved being with all of her friends and participating in extracurricular activities. She also said that she couldn't wait until she was a freshman so she could live on campus. And when Mrs. Fairfax left the room for a minute, Adele confided in me that she even has a boyfriend! I asked her what that meant and she said that they ate together sometimes and held hands when the teachers weren't looking. I breathed a sigh of relief and said a quick prayer that she wasn't going to grow up too quickly.

Mrs. Fairfax returned, and I excused myself, saying that I was tired from my long drive. Instead of napping in my old room, I crawled into Edward's bed. It didn't smell like him, but I certainly felt his presence. And when I closed my eyes, it was like distance didn't matter because I could hear Edward's voice whispering words of love to me. I didn't know if I was dreaming or not when I felt his fingers run tenderly through my hair. But I didn't care and never wanted this moment to end. My heart pounded rapidly in anticipation.

When light, barely there hands began caressing down my now trembling body, I moaned softly, but was silenced by the feel of a mouth lightly brushing over my own. Parting my lips in response, I was kissed long and hard before he moved on to the soft skin of my neck. As his teasing tongue lingered in the hollow of my throat, I arched my back, trying to direct him to another need. Instead of answering my call, I felt Edward's strong arms encircle me and hold me tight. Basking in his warmth, I fell asleep feeling safe and loved as he resumed running his fingers tenderly in my hair.

Devastation greeted me after I woke up and found Edward's presence gone. His bed now felt cold and empty while I felt even more lonely than I did before. Rolling over to look at the clock on the night stand, I wondered if Edward was missing me as much as I missed him before spending the rest of the afternoon laying on his bed, and feeling sorry for myself. My pity party was eventually interrupted by Adele. She informed me that the pizza she had ordered was now here and would I like some. I wasn't hungry, but went downstairs anyway before making up another excuse and spending the rest of the night in my room, alone.

Morning finally came and since Mrs. Fairfax did most of her prep before hand, we were all able to sit and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade together. Adele loved all of the musical performances and Mrs. Fairfax enjoyed the huge balloons. I couldn't tell you what I liked because I was too busy missing Edward to even notice what was on the TV.

When the parade was over, we sat down to Mrs. Fairfax's delicious meal, turkey with all of the trimmings and two different kinds of pie for dessert. Even though I was sad because Edward wasn't with me, I managed to eat almost everything in sight. I think I ate so much because I was trying to fill the void in my heart.

After the clean up was done I had two choices, take a nap or take a walk. I chose the walk, so I put on a jacket, grabbed my iPhone and went outside. Edward said he would call me to see how everything was going and he did. Unfortunately, he couldn't talk long because he had to attend another boring meeting that was going to go well into the night. I told him that I really missed him and that I loved him before hanging up.

Despite the fact that it was very chilly, I sat down underneath the chestnut tree and played with my engagement ring. Not being able to take my mind off of missing Edward, I decided to sell some more stock, blow off next week's classes, and fly over to London to surprise him. I was just about to head to the Hall to make the arrangements on-line when I remembered that the Diana was expecting me for dinner on Sunday. Not a big deal, I thought. She will certainly understand if I don't come. But then I remembered I was also starting my training as a Peer Counselor on Monday and was really looking forward to it.

In the end, after much agonizing debate, I decided to return to school and keep my commitments as planned.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

After yet another bad nights rest in my old room, I got up and decided to spend the day with Adele. Because I was so caught up in missing Edward, I didn't realize how much I missed her too. Over the months that I worked with her, I grew to think of her as my little sister instead of my student, and I really enjoyed her company.

Even though it was Black Friday, Adele and I had a nice day lunching and shopping at The Galleria. As usual, she was going to return home with many purchases. To her surprise, I bought a few lacy presents for myself, or should I say, for Edward, and I couldn't wait to get back to the Hall so I could model them for him over the internet.

Edward was happy to hear that I spent the day shopping with Adele. And as to his presents? Lets just say that I got to see how much he approved of my purchases, and leave it at that!

My time at Thornfield went much better than I thought it would considering Edward couldn't be here. But as much as I enjoyed being away from campus and spending time with Mrs. Fairfax and Adele, I was really looking forward to coming home at Christmas and spending all of my time with Edward.

Saturday morning came, and after a hearty breakfast cooked with love by Mrs. Fairfax, I set off for school. The drive was uneventful and I was on campus with enough time to do most of my course work that I neglected when I went home for the holiday. Good thing I didn't take off for London because I forgot that I had three papers and an oral presentation due this week. And I needed to study for two tests! So I went to the campus bookstore to load up on provisions before I barricaded myself in my room and pulled an all-nighter.

I slept well into the afternoon on Sunday, and then headed over to the Rivers' apartment for an early dinner. Diana and Mary were very glad to see me, but John was as cold and as distant as usual. Even though I still didn't know what I did to offended him, I didn't pursue it, and just enjoyed the time with my girlfriends.

When the meal was finished and all of the dishes were done, the three of us sat around the table and had some interesting discussions about everything from books to movies to politics, while John sat in the living room and read the paper, making comments only when he disagreed with something, which was often. It was obvious to me that all of the Rivers were well read and up on all current events. It was also very obvious that the girls hadn't led a sheltered life like I had because they had very liberal opinions. Even with my conservative upbringing due to Brocklehurst, I took a more moderate stance on most topics, while John was deeply conservative in his beliefs. I found it very funny that siblings could grow up in the same house and still have such different points of view.

As I drank my tea and watched Diana and Mary almost come to blows with John over the War in Iraq, I felt very fortunate that I had found this marvelous family who opened up their home to me when I so desperately needed it. I knew I would always be grateful to them as well as entertained, provided John and his sisters kept disagreeing over everything under the sun.

When it was time to go, Diana hugged me and said,

'See you at breakfast.'

John didn't seem to notice that Mary and I were leaving until I said,

'I'll see you tomorrow, John. Two o'clock?'

He barely picked up his head and grumbled something I couldn't understand before leaving the room.

As I walked out to my car, I began to wonder if working with him was such a good idea after all.

Following a morning full of classes and a quick, late lunch, I headed over to the Counseling & Advisement Offices and knocked on John's door. He looked past me when he let me in and abruptly motioned to a chair across from his desk. When I sat down, he began telling me, in a sterile voice, all about the counseling program.

'The counselors assist students with academic planning, registration for part-time enrollment, stress management, time management, interpersonal communication skills, and relationship and family issues. We have counselors on staff who specialize in eating disorders and awareness, body image, alcohol and substance abuse issues, domestic violence, and nontraditional student issues. We also can issue referrals to other community services if we cannot meet the students' needs on campus.

'The peer counselors are used as a go-between between the students and professional counselors. Sometimes the students are more comfortable talking to a peer in the beginning, or they just want a fellow student in the room with them when they are talking to a professional.'

John's continence darkened and his piercing blue eyes bore right through me as he said, 'Everything that you hear in these sessions is held in the strictest of confidence. You are not permitted to discuss cases outside of these offices with anyone. Do you understand?'

I hesitated before answering him.

'Yes. When do I begin?'

'Right now. I have a student coming in at half past two.'

The student gave her permission and I attended my first counseling session. It wasn't as riveting as I thought it was going to be. The young woman who came in was only interested in seeing if she could move one of her exams to another day so she could attend a rock concert in Florida. She came to John for help because her professor had already denied her request, and she thought that if John could speak to him on her behalf, he might change his mind. John told her that as much as he would like to help, there was really nothing that he could do since the decision was ultimately her professor's. She was not happy that John wouldn't help her and left in a huff.

Two male students came in without an appointment and John tried to assist them while I observed. One guy wanted help with stress management and the other guy needed help with long range academic planning. I was very impressed with how John handled each situation. He listened attentively, asked all of the right questions, and gave sound advice to each person. In the end, both students were happy with the information John gave them and left feeling positive about their sessions.

When the last appointment of the day ended, John turned to me.

'So, what do you think? Is this something you could do?'

I was honest with him.

'I think so, but I have to tell you, I expected more.'

He laughed and shook his head.

'Not exciting enough for you, Jane? Believe me, I know just how you feel. Most of the time, I help students with insignificant problems, like the woman who wanted her exam changed. That is more the norm here than someone needing help with real problems. We are a small school and seem to attract well adjusted students. I know I should be content and happy that I have a good job, but I'm not.' John then leaned over the desk and looked deep into my eyes. 'Jane, I believe that I am meant to work with children and adolescents in the inner city where I can help them deal with the many tough issues they face today.'

As he spoke at length about what he really wanted to do, his eyes brightened and I could hear the passion he was feeling come through in his voice. I had never seen or heard John like this before and was really surprised that he had it in him.

My free time in the afternoon was now spent shadowing John in his appointments and helping him do the necessary paperwork afterwards. Never again did he show an ounce of the passion he put forth on my first day, and it made me sad that he would lock it away like that. Even though John could tell that I wanted to know more, he wasn't forthcoming with the reasons as to why he wasn't following his dreams. I guessed it had something to do with his sisters, but didn't feel comfortable enough with him yet to ask about it. So we worked every afternoon from two thirty until dinner time with a dark cloud hanging over our heads.

Final exams came and thankfully, went before I said my good-byes to the Rivers family and headed home to Thornfield. I was arriving a a few days before Christmas, and was so excited that I was going to see Edward in person, I was all giggly on the drive down. He wasn't scheduled to arrive until the afternoon of the twenty-forth, so I passed the time by helping Mrs. Fairfax and Adele decorate the Hall.

Mrs. Fairfax and I put up a huge live tree in the parlor, and then the three of us sang carols and drank mulled cider while we hung the ornaments. When the tree was done, Adele and I wrapped fresh roping over the wooden handrail of the staircase and secured it with large bows. While the staircase was being dressed, Mrs. Fairfax cleared off the mantel in the parlor and put out these old, English Santas that belonged to the late Mr. Rochester. Then I hung a huge wreath on the front door before we settled in to bake about a million different kinds of cookies. Thornfield exuded Christmas, and to top it all off, I built a fire in the parlor fireplace and Mrs. Fairfax threw some herb bundles into the flames which gave off a delicious, Christmasy aroma. The Hall was ready for Santa's visit, and I couldn't wait for him to bring Edward.

On the morning of the twenty-forth, I got a phone call from Edward. It seemed that he missed his flight due to some traffic delay and all of the other flights heading to the New York City area were booked. He added that he was going to try flying standby, but I shouldn't get my hopes up because it didn't look good. Edward then told me he loved me and wished he could spend Christmas with me. My voice broke as I told him that I loved him and wished he could too. When I got off the phone with him, I ran up to my room and cried.

Since I was beyond miserable, I actually considered driving up to the Rivers' apartment for Christmas because I couldn't bear the thought of being at Thornfield without Edward again. I knew that Diana and Mary would welcome me with open arms, but I also knew that they had no room for me. And with the dorms being closed for the holidays, I would have to stay in a hotel. Since I really didn't want to sleep in a strange bed all alone, I stayed put.

Mrs. Fairfax made a wonderful smelling Christmas Eve meal and I tried to enjoy it, but I couldn't. Edward's empty chair at the head of the table just reminded me of how much I missed him on Thanksgiving Day. When the meal was over, Adele and I helped Mrs. Fairfax clean up. Then I went to bed.

Santa must have visited Thornfield in the night because I woke up to Adele jumping up and down on my bed, telling me to hurry up and look under the tree. My heart began racing. Edward is here! I knew he would make it! I thought as I threw on my threadbare bathrobe and checked out my hair in the mirror. I ran down the stairs and when I got to the tree there were stacks and stacks of presents, but no Edward. I was so disappointed that I wanted to put my head in my hands and cry. Adele, seeing that I was on the verge of tears, handed me this goofy looking santa hat with a huge red coil spring on the top that ended with a white pom-pom and said,

'Put this on. It will make you will feel better.'

I reluctantly put on the stupid hat and watched her tear through her presents.

Adele received two sweaters, a purse, a black leather jacket, and a extremely generous gift card to The Galleria from her uncle, an iTunes gift card and a DVD of the newly released Harry Potter Movie from Mrs. Fairfax, and a gift certificate for five manis and pedis at her favorite salon from me.

Mrs. Fairfax had her fair share of presents to open as well. Edward gave her a beautiful wool cardigan from Harrods, some DVD's of her favorite old movies, and a spa day for two at the Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz. Adele gave her a stylish velour track suit and an iPod shuffle with the promise that she would show her how to use it. And I gave her a day trip, complete with limo service to and from Atlantic City, New Jersey, so she and her sister could gamble to their hearts content.

I really wasn't interested in opening any of my presents because the only thing I wanted Santa didn't bring. But I didn't want to be rude, so I opened Adele's and Mrs. Fairfax's gifts. Adele gave me a beautiful pink cashmere sweater and pair of small 14kt yellow gold hoop earrings, while Mrs. Fairfax gave me a new cozy bathrobe and slippers, which I so desperately needed, and a gift card to the mall up by my school.

I was trying to put off opening up Edward's presents to me for as long as I could, but Adele and Mrs. Fairfax were anxiously waiting for me to begin, so I did. It was obvious that Edward wrapped most of the gifts himself and a lump appeared in my throat. I felt my eyes well up again, but I pushed the tears back, and carefully opened up the boxes. He gave me a first edition copy of "Wuthering Heights" from 1848 in near mint condition. I really love gothic novels and I feel Ellis Bell, a.k.a. Emily Bronte and I have a small connection. Edward also gave me some very expensive perfume, a gorgeous Italian leather purse and matching belt, black knee high, high heel, Italian leather boots, diamond stud earrings, two boxes marked "to be opened in private," and a two night spa getaway for the both of us over New Years Eve.

I wasn't even sure if he was going to be here for the getaway, and was just about to start crying yet again when my iPhone rang. Not remembering that I put it in the pocket of my bathrobe, I wondered how it got there before looking at the display. Since it was Edward, I went out into the hall so we could speak in private. His voice sounded really cheerful.

'Merry Christmas, Jane. Did Santa bring you everything on your list?'

My voice sounded really tight and pitchy.

'No. The only thing that I wanted isn't here.'

'Really? I'm surprised! You were a very good girl this year. What didn't Santa bring you?'

'You, Edward! The only thing I wanted is you! This was suppose to be our first Christmas together,' I blubbered into the phone.

At that very moment, I felt an arm slip around my waist and heard,

'Love the hat,' whispered in my ear.

My body melted into his as he kissed my neck. I moaned loudly before whipping around and covering his face with kisses.

'When did you get here? How did you get here?' I squealed.

He smiled.

'About three hours ago. Let's just say I made someone's Christmas extra merry.'

Looking around, I saw Mrs. Fairfax and Adele standing in the doorway, watching us. I smiled at them while clinging to Edward for dear life.

'You knew?!'

They both nodded and laughed. Edward turned my face back to his.

'You don't know how hard it was for me to not go into your room and wake you up. I must have stood outside your door for at least an hour.'

I didn't care. All that mattered was that we were together now.

I grabbed Edward's head and pulled his mouth down to mine while he held me against him so I could feel just how happy he was to see me. I couldn't wait to have his naked body against mine and was tempted to start undressing him in the hall, but Mrs. Fairfax and Adele were still standing in the doorway, so I had to behave. Edward didn't seem to like the idea of an audience either, and said,

'I have another present for you, but I can only give it to you in our bedroom.'

I smiled as he grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs. Adele called out behind us and we almost lost it.

'But I want to see her present! Why can't Uncle Edward just give it to her down here in front of us?'

Mrs. Fairfax somehow managed to contain her amusement and replied in a grandmotherly tone,

'Adele, sometimes adults give presents to each other and they don't want other people around when they unwrap them.'

Adele was silent for a moment and then she sighed loudly.

'He isn't giving her a present, is he. Why didn't you just say that they are going up to their room to have sex?'

Mrs. Fairfax blushed and stuttered,

'Come, Adele. Let's go look at your presents,' as she dragged the reluctant child back into the parlor.

--

Counseling and advisement information from the Clinton Community College web site.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27 - Adult Content

Edward walked into the room as I closed the door behind us.

'So where is my present?' I asked while turning to face him.

He smiled seductively.

'It's right in front of you.'

Smiling back, I walked around Edward and inspected him from every angle.

'I think I am going to have a lot of fun unwrapping it,' I replied as my hands caressed his most perfect backside.

Stopping behind him, I removed his shirt and let my fingers glide all over his toned back. Then, slowly and methodically, I traced the outline of his shoulder blades with my fingertips while Edward put his head down and shuddered with delight. My fingers then moved on to the center of his back and I gently ran them down his spine while my tongue followed. When I arrived at small of his back, I planted three slow kisses in the curve just above his tail bone as I reached around him and unbuttoned his pants.

He turned around and quickly removed his pants and boxer briefs. I was going to comment on how I was suppose to be the one doing the unwrapping, but something was begging for my attention and I lost my train of thought. Taking him in my hand, I marveled at how something could feel as smooth as satin yet strong as steel at the same time. As I continued to stroke him, Edward lifted my face to his and kissed me aggressively while exploring my mouth with his tongue. His body shuddered again and he sighed.

'I don't know how much longer I can wait if you keep this up.' Reluctantly, he pulled my hand away before untying my bathrobe and pushing it to the floor. His eyes raked over every inch of my body. 'My sexy little elf,' he purred, referring to the fact that I still had on that stupid Santa hat. Now he walked around me while his hand followed lightly around my body.

I gasped and quivered in delight. I had longed for his touch so much over these past four months that I thought I was going to climax right then. Edward stopped behind me and whispered in my ear,

'I think you missed me,' before kissing my neck.

I couldn't say anything. I was so overcome with desire that I just nodded and offered up more of my neck to his soft lips.

Just when I thought I was going to go out of my mind, he lifted up my tank top and cupped my breasts in both of his hands. I leaned against him and moaned loudly as Edward walked backwards to the bed while guiding me along with his hands still on my chest. After he let go of me, he got on the bed and knelt in the center of the mattress. I quickly removed my hat, tank top and panties and joined him.

Grabbing the back of his head, I pulled his mouth down to mine as our bodies melded into one another. The feel of his chest hair against my hard nipples was very erotic and I couldn't help but brush them back and forth against him, heightening the sensation. Edward moaned loudly before leaning me back so he could suck my nipple deep into the warm wetness of his mouth. My body responded. Nerves tingled and danced as he sucked harder, deeper. Warmth spread throughout my body and I ached for him, needing to feel him filling me, completing me, loving me.

Edward picked up his head and our eyes met.

'I'm going to make love to you now,' he said as he put his hands underneath my bottom and guided me down on the bed.

I reach up and caressed his cheek,

'I've wanted this for such a long time.'

Kissing my palm, he replied,

'Me, too.'

Edward then leaned over to brush his lips lightly over mine, once, twice, three times before he devoured my mouth with his kiss. I couldn't get enough and I couldn't breath, but I didn't care. I kissed him harder and pulled him closer, never wanting to let him go.

When he was able to break free, Edward glided his lips down my neck and shoulder, and all around both breasts before tracing his lips with my taut nipple. I shuddered and pulled him back up to my mouth where I kissed him savagely. He responded by breaking away from me again, and teasing me with his tongue by running it lightly down my body, sending shock waves to my core and fanning the flames of desire higher and higher.

When he went to pleasure my most intimate area, I tried to guide him on top of me, but he wouldn't go.

'I really need to do this to you,' he moaned before exploring me most expertly with his tongue and fingers.

He teased and tasted, probed and pulsed, swirled and sucked and I loved every second of it. The pressure built up quickly, drawing me hard and tight around his fingers. When it hit, I writhed on the bed as the vibrations crashed though me. It was so overwhelming that I tried to pull away, but he held me there until there was nothing left.

Without giving me time to catch my breath, Edward spread my thighs over his, and on his knees, he wedged himself between them before sinking himself deep inside of me with one hard push. I cried out and he smiled as each powerful thrust of his body reignited the flames and made them burn higher than ever. My body tensed again and I clawed at anything I could get my hands on, his hair, his shoulders, his arms, like I was hanging on for dear life.

Wanting more. Needing more, I dropped my arms and gripped his hips, pulling him closer so he could go deeper, push harder. Edward slammed himself into me again and again, moving me across the bed, precariously close to the edge, but I didn't care. His intense hardness, the untamed way he was making love to me, never had anything felt more wonderful and I was going to do nothing to stop it.

'Look at me,' he said.

And through eyes clouded with passion, I did. His eyes were dark with desire, and they locked with mine as the tremors racked both of us and he gave all of himself to me. I took it greedily, wanting every last bit and more. I couldn't get enough of him and was a little disappointed when it was all over.

After he caught his breath, Edward looked down at me with so much love in his eyes that I almost started to cry. I never thought, in a million years, that I would find anyone who would love and desire me the way he did, and I decided right then and there to spend the rest of my life giving back to him everything he has given me, only much more.

We stayed in bed for most of the afternoon just laughing and loving like we always did, and I truly felt like I was home. There was no other place I wanted to be other than in Edward's strong arms. As I lay next to him and he played with my hair, my phone rang. I had no idea who would be calling, especially on Christmas Day and figured it was a wrong number. He told me to answer it, so I got up and found my phone on the floor underneath my bathrobe. I looked at the display and there was a text message from Adele. It read, "R U 2 done? We R hungry!" I laughed and showed Edward. He groaned as he sat up.

'I guess we have to get back to the real world now.'

'Yes, but it's only for a few hours. Then we can come back here and pretend that we are on a quiet island somewhere, all alone.'

He pushed me back down on the bed and buried his face in the curve of my neck, igniting the flames again.

'I love that idea! You all tanned and wearing very little clothing with your wet skin glistening in the sun!'

I gently pushed him away.

'Edward! Adele is starving. And it is Christmas after all. I'm sure she would love to spend some time with you. I think she has missed you almost as much as I have.'

'Very well,' he grumbled. 'But you will join me in the shower, won't you, Jane?'

While laughing, I shook my head no, threw on my bathrobe and headed down to my room to clean up. I thought I heard him mumble something about me running away and how he will get his way yet, but I wasn't sure.

Not long after, we both came out of our rooms dressed for dinner in Christmas presents. I put on the pink cashmere sweater Adele bought for me paired with my own, never worn, short black skirt, and the knee high boots and diamond stud earrings that Edward gave me. He wore a casual yet elegant dress shirt and pants that I bought for him. After meeting up in the middle of the hall and taking one look at me, Edward pinned me up against the wall. His lips crushed mine as he put his hand under my skirt and stroked my inner thigh.

'Oh, God!' I moaned softly before I halfheartedly tried to push him away.

He then grabbed my wrists and pinned my arms to the wood paneling while the strength of his arousal pushed into my thigh.

'You know you want to,' he said salaciously with that look of unbridled desire in his eyes. Before I had time to say anything, my panties were on the floor and I was facing the wall while leaning over on my outstretched arms. Edward lifted up my skirt and then kicked my legs apart.

'Hurry, please. Adele and Mrs. Fairfax are waiting for us,' I whispered excitedly.

He leaned over me and I could feel his lips brush softly against my ear as he said,

'I'm the master of this house and if I want to fuck you slowly in the hallway before dinner then everyone else can just wait!' before dragging his fingernails all over the soft skin of my buttocks and thighs with maddening leisure. My breath caught in my throat.

'Yes, master. How else can I be of service to you?'

'By just standing there and enjoying it,' he said as he gripped my hips tightly and speared me before withdrawing himself slowly.

I braced myself so he could plunge home again and again. Once Edward developed a rhythm, he let go of my hips and ran my nipples through his fingers. His manipulations electrified me, causing me to push back against him, urging him to go harder, faster, deeper, and he responded. When I felt his body tense and strain behind me, he let go of one of my breasts and swirled his fingers in my wet warmth until I shattered and took him with me.

Edward collapsed on my back and I twisted around to kiss him. Loving that he made me feel wild and savage. If Mrs. Fairfax wasn't holding dinner for us, we would have happily went back to our room and not left until sometime tomorrow. But it was Christmas after all, so we fixed ourselves the best we could using the hall bathroom before walking hand in hand down to the dinning room while smiling smugly to ourselves and each other.

We entered the dinning room and found that Mrs. Fairfax had outdone herself. The table was set with all of the Rochester family crystal, china, and silver, the candelabras were lit, and the Christmas feast was on the table. I sat next to Edward and the four of us started off with a huge bowl of chestnut soup before moving on to a rosemary-scented pork loin stuffed with roasted garlic, dried apricots and cranberries that was covered with a port wine pan sauce. On the side was a silky sweet potato puree. For dessert, we indulged in Mrs. Fairfax's world renowned Christmas Cake where she takes a hollowed out angel food cake, fills it with peppermint stick ice cream and then covers the whole thing with melted bittersweet chocolate. It was to die for and Edward and I fought over the last piece. I won, but since it was Christmas, I shared with him.

All throughout the meal, Edward couldn't keep his hands off of me. If he wasn't touching my arm or holding my hand, his hand was resting on my thigh. I didn't mind in the least and loved all of the physical attention especially since it reminded me of what happened in the hall before dinner.

After Edward and I did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen (it was the least we could do since we disappeared for most of the day!), we sat in the parlor in front of a roaring fire and enjoyed each others company. Adele and Mrs. Fairfax joined us and we all talked about what was going on in our lives.

Adele talked about school and her new boyfriend. I think Edward almost had a heart attack when he heard about Jimmy, but surprisingly, he didn't go off the deep end. Mrs. Fairfax talked about how she and her sister want to take a trip to Las Vegas in March. Edward thought that was a great idea and told her that he would arrange everything. He then talked about this business deal that seems to be going nowhere fast. How the clients want to have their hands held the entire way, yet they still don't want to commit to anything. Edward laughed and said that if it wasn't such a lucrative contract he would tell them where they all could go and come home. And I talked about my new job as a Peer Counselor. I told everyone that I liked helping people, but John and I found the work to be uninspiring most of the time.

I think Adele was getting bored with the conversation so she left the room to call her boyfriend, while Mrs. Fairfax decided that this was the right time to go make some more coffee. Edward and I sat quietly for a moment and I could see the wheels turning in his head.

'So, this John Rivers, he must be about fifty years old. Right?' he joked.

I chuckled.

'No. he is around twenty-eight, I believe.'

Edward frowned.

'Then he must be really boring to talk to, always talking about work. And his manners, didn't you say that he was rude?'

'I've never said anything about his manners. John can be rude at times, but he is usually quite the gentleman even if he is being gruff. And he is very knowledgeable on many topics.'

'I'm sure he is nothing special to look at then.'

'I wouldn't say that. He is quite handsome, in a Brad Pitt sort of way. And he has these piercing blue eyes that draw you in.'

Edward harrumphed and cocked his head.

'How much time do you actually spend with him in a week?'

'Two and a half hours a day, Monday through Friday and I have dinner with him and his sisters every Sunday.' I smiled, 'Are you jealous, Edward?'

Looking away, he said defensively,

'Not in the least.'

I laughed and turned his face to mine,

'You are! Admit it!'

He looked down and sighed.

'Do you blame me? You spend a lot of time with him alone in his office. And you did just say that he was handsome, in a Brad Pitt sort of way.'

As much fun as it would have been to tease him, I resisted and raised his chin so I could look him in the eye.

'So what if he is handsome like Brad Pitt! I'm not attracted to pretty boys. I like my men dark and rugged, like you. If you don't know by now that you are the only man that I will ever want. . .'

He smiled but then became quite serious.

'But you are so young, and I am the only man you have ever been with. Be honest. Aren't you curious? Even a little bit?'

I kissed him and he returned it with such passion that I felt the fire ignite again in my belly.

'Edward, I cannot image anyone else making me feel the way you are able to with just one of your kisses. I am happy to say that I am quite content to have you be the only man to kiss me and make love to me for the rest of my life.' I held up my engagement ring. 'This ring symbolizes our commitment to one another, and I will do nothing to jeopardize it. Don't you trust me?'

He put his forehead against mine.

'Of course I trust you. It's him that I don't trust!'

I was surprised by his comment and pulled back.

'John has never indicated that he is attracted to me in any way. In fact, he can be quite cold to me at times.'

Edward snickered.

'Now I am really worried! He's got the hots for you, Jane, but he is fighting his feelings. And one day, he is going to explode because he can't go on denying them forever. Look what I did to you that day in the gym. I took you against the mirror without even thinking about the repercussions of my actions. Watch out for him, I know what I am talking about.'

I shook my head and laughed because I just couldn't imagine John Rivers having all of these pent up sexual feelings for me.

'Edward, don't be so hard on yourself. I was just as guilty that day, if not more so. I thought you were as good as engaged to Blanche, and I was willing to do something very wrong so I could experience my idea of heaven for a couple of minutes.'

He laughed at me.

'I hope you were in heaven for longer than two minutes, Jane!'

I hit him in the arm,

'Edward!' and then stood him up. 'Why don't we go upstairs and pretend that we are on a little island, just you and me. What do you think?'

'Sounds fabulous. Just don't mention ole what's his name. OK?'

'That will not be a problem. There is only one name I will be crying out and it certainly won't be his!' I replied seductively before taking Edward's hand and leading him up the stairs.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28 - Adult Content

With the rest of the week going by quickly, Edward and I tried to spend as much quality time with Adele as we could when we weren't locked away in our room. It was true that she missed her uncle, so I suggested to him that they get all dressed up and go out on a date night for just the two of them.

That evening, Edward came down the stairs wearing a custom made suit cut to perfection. As he moved, the material skimmed over his body and subtly hinted at what a great physique he has. He looked absolutely gorgeous and I couldn't wait for him to come home so I could help him out of his suit.

When Adele came down a half an hour later, she really surprised me. Not because her uncle only had to wait a half hour for her, but because she was wearing the beautiful black and white off the shoulder dress that she had bought for his awards dinner. Even though Adele doesn't like to wear the same thing twice, she knew she looked stunning and was very proud to be on her uncle's arm.

On their way out, Edward told me that they were going to dinner and a show in the city, and not to wait up for him because he would wake me when they got back. I laughed and gave them each a kiss before sending them on their merry way.

Since I now had the whole night to myself, I spent some time online picking out the treatments we wanted for our spa getaway. I started us off with the Signature Elements of Nature "Mohonk Red" Couples' Massage that takes place in front of a roaring fire in a luxurious couples' treatment room. After that, I signed us up for facials and requested that we had them done in the same room because I couldn't wait to see what Edward looked like with all of the gunk all over his face. I then finished up our first day with a reflexology session for two that included work on our hands as well as our feet. For New Years Eve day, we were going to begin with a warm stone massage for two, and then we were going to split up. I was going to get my first manicure and pedicure ever, while Edward was going to have a deep tissue massage before we attended the seven course dinner dance the spa was hosting for the holiday.

After the treatments were all booked, I lost myself in a good book until I heard Edward's car pull into the driveway sometime after one o'clock in the morning. Adele came into the Hall looking exhausted but happy after spending a whole grownup evening with her uncle. As I put her to bed, she told me all about their dinner at Sardi's and how she loved looking at all of the charactures that lined the walls. Then she went on and on about seeing a performance of "Wicked" before gushing about their horse-drawn carriage ride around Central Park.

When I was done with Adele, I went down to our room and found Edward lying in bed waiting for me. He looked tired as well, but I could see that he had had a great time with his niece. Since my feet were cold, I crawled under the covers and put them up against his legs.

'You're a provoking puppet, a malicious elf, a devious witch!' Edward cried out before pulling me closer into him.

While giggling, I rested my chin on his chest, basking in the warmth of his strong body.

'So, how was "Wicked"?'

'Adele loved it. But it is the kind of show that she would love with huge musical numbers, and spectacular sets, costumes, and special effects.

'What about the story? Could she relate to it?'

He laughed,

'What girl her age couldn't relate to a story about someone who doesn't fit in. Who overcomes many obstacles in order to live happily ever after.'

I shook my head.

'There is way more to the story than that. And not everything happens the way it is portrayed on the stage. There is no happy ending in the book.'

'Really? I know Adele cannot wait to read it. We have to run right out tomorrow and get her a copy because the theater was sold out of them.'

'Before she reads it, maybe one of us should tell her that not all fairy tales have happy endings.'

'No, I think she needs to learn that little life lesson on her own. It is important that she realizes things don't always work out the way we want them to.'

I sighed before kissing him gently on his mouth.

'That is true. But sometimes, things work out even better then we could ever imagine.'

Edward brushed the hair back from my face and smiled,

'I couldn't agree with you more,' before falling asleep with me in his arms.

The next day, while on our way to the spa, we dropped Adele off at a friends house. She was ringing in the new year at a two night, all girls slumber party. As we waved and pulled away, all I could think about was how glad I was to not be the one supervising ten tweens for two days and nights!

When Edward and I checked in at the spa, we found out that, in addition to all of the treatments I scheduled, we could also use the spa's facilities like their gym, wet sauna, dry sauna, aroma therapy room, indoor warm spring foot bath, and huge outdoor spa. I was very excited and couldn't wait to get on my bathrobe and relax in the aroma therapy room to prepare me for all of the fun things to come. Edward reluctantly joined me, and to his surprise found the lavender scent soothing and not too feminine smelling after all.

It wasn't long before we were called out for our couples massage, and Edward's was so fabulous, he fell asleep right away. So in addition to the soothing music and the crackle of the fire, I got to listen to Edward snore quietly as his body was expertly relaxed. Luckily, my head was turned to face him and I got to watch what techniques the therapist used on his back and legs. I took some mental notes before my head was turned in the other direction and the other side of my neck was worked on. When the eighty minutes of pure heaven were over, Edward looked like a happy, rung out dishrag. His hair was seven ways to Sunday, and he smiled like the cat that just swallowed the canary.

Since we had time to kill before our facials, we decided to use the wet sauna. I was surprised this was coed and was up for it as long as my towel was big enough to cover me, and it did. When Edward came out of the locker room with his towel wrapped around his waist, my mouth dropped, and I couldn't wait to get my hands on him because he looked so good. His chest looked even more defined than usual, and I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why I didn't notice it before. But then I remembered that he had told me he was working out a lot more now in order to relieve stress, and boy, did it show. Edward knew how good he looked, and strutted over to me with a huge smile on his face. After checking to see if anyone was nearby, I assaulted his mouth with mine before pulling him into the sauna.

Once inside, I looked through the steam and was surprised to see that there were three older ladies already enjoying the heat. I was really disappointed because I hadn't seen many other guests today, and was hoping to enjoy the sauna alone, with Edward. So I smiled politely at the ladies as we sat on the hard, hot wooden bench across from them while praying that they would all get the urge to get up and leave.

In the midst of my prayer, I noticed that it didn't take long for the beads of sweat that formed at my hairline to run down my face and neck, and pool in my cleavage. I was glistening in no time at all, and I know Edward noticed because he couldn't stop staring down at the swell of my breasts and licking his lips. My gazed dropped down to Edward's chest and I noticed that he was glistening as well. He looked so damn sexy at that moment that I didn't know if I was going to be able to control myself. In my weak attempt to suppress the desire that I was feeling, I sat back against the wall and tried to think about anything other than what I wanted to do to Edward. When that didn't work, I silently cursed at the three women who were in there with us before desperately praying again that they would all leave shortly.

They didn't seem to be going anywhere fast, and I just couldn't stop myself. Trying to draw as little attention to myself as possible, I slowly inched my way over to Edward and practically sat in his lap I was so close. After looking at the ladies and seeing that they were engrossed in a conversation, I put my hand behind Edward's head and began massaging his scalp. He looked at me with a devilish smile that egged me on, so I dropped my hand, and slid it up and down the very center of his back. All of the moisture on his skin made this a very sensual experience for him as well as me. So when I raked my fingernails over the small of his back and he closed his eyes and let out a quiet moan, I went over the edge.

Losing what little control I had left, I tried to slip my hand down the back of his towel, but he had it wrapped too tightly around his waist. I was just about to give up when the three ladies decided that they had had enough of the heat. I assumed that they were all going to leave without acknowledging our presence, but the last one out turned to us and said,

'Enjoy the sauna,' in a knowing tone.

'Oh, don't worry. We will,' Edward smiled back.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Edward's mouth was on mine and his hands were removing my towel. He looked down at my glistening breasts and groaned before his mouth played over my peaks, sucking and nibbling and testing their rigidity until my body jerked and I cried out. As much as I wanted to get lost in him pleasuring me, I kept one eye on the door looking for anyone wanting to come in. Thankfully, no one disturbed us, and we were able to enjoy ourselves.

I couldn't wait to taste his salty, sweat covered skin, so I pushed him back and traced all of the delicious contours of his chest with my tongue. When I finally worked my way down to the start of his towel, I removed it and ran the tips of my fingers up and down and all around his arousal. Edward moaned loudly as he gently guided my head to his need. Responding to his request, I eagerly enfolded him in my lips until he wanted me perched on his lap.

Even though I knew we needed to do this quickly, I took him in slowly, loving the way he felt inside of me. As I moved over Edward, our eyes met and I leaned in to kiss him. My lips pulled and tugged at his before my tongue pushed gently into his mouth. He readily accepted it, and retuned the kiss frantically while gliding his hands all over my wet body. We heard some really funny noises as I rode him to our mutual pleasure, but we didn't care. It didn't take long before I jerked Edward's head back so I could lightly bite his neck as I came, and he pushed my hips down so he could release himself deep within me.

After I caught my breath, I captured his mouth again, hoping to enjoy a few more heavenly seconds with him still inside of me. When it was time, I reluctantly climbed off and we both heard what only could be described as a huge slurp. Edward and I couldn't contain our laughter as we put on our towels and headed for the showers before moving on to our facials.

I really think Edward enjoyed his facial, but I knew that he would never admit to it. I also think that he looked absolutely adorable with the bright green toning mask all over his face and his unruly hair covered with a shower cap. It was really too bad that I didn't have my camera with me, and I told him so. He responded by rolling his eyes and saying that if I did take a picture of him looking this way, Adele and Eshton would never let him live this down. I just laughed at him and the prankster in me thought, better luck next time.

When our facials were over, we enjoyed a casual spa dinner in the atrium, before partaking in our couples' reflexology session. Edward and I spent fifty glorious minutes having our hands and feet worked on while we sat in front of a roaring fire and listened to soothing, new age music. Then we finished off our first spa day with a long soak in the indoor warm spring foot bath. We both agreed that it felt heavenly to have the warm spring water caress our feet.

By now it was close to nine o'clock, so we decided to forgo the locker room showers and enjoy one together in our suite. Since the hotel provides its overnight guests with many different gels and oils to try out, we spent most of the night testing each one out thoroughly both in and out of the shower.

Late the next morning, we breakfasted on assorted mini quiches and fresh fruit in our room before relaxing with a warm stone couples' massage. After that, we spent most of the late afternoon in the outdoor spa with other guests until it was time for my mani and pedi, and Edward's deep tissue massage.

We met up in the suite sometime around seven o'clock and had just enough time to dress for dinner. Edward, of course, wore his tux, and I wore a cranberry silk chiffon halter dress that I bought just for this occasion. The silk gathered slightly over my chest and then tapered as the material moved up my shoulders. The shirred waist that culminated in a bow and the full, fluid skirt that ended just above my knee added to the sexy yet sophisticated look of the dress. And, yes, I finished it off with Adele's beautiful strappy sandals.

When I came out of the bathroom, Edward grabbed me and took my breath away with a kiss, before saying that maybe this dinner dance wasn't such a good idea after all. Knowing where this was leading, I told him we could go for a little bit and then return to our room if we weren't having a good time. It is amazing how much of an appetite you can build up from just relaxing, and I was really hungry, so I hurried him out of our suite and down the stairs before he could do something to change my mind.

The doors to the banquet hall were open when we arrived, and the room looked like a winter wonderland bathed in white, silver and pale blue. Huge glittering snowflakes hung from the ceiling. An enormous ice sculpture was in the middle of the room. And on every table there were white, light blue and silver floral arrangements in various sizes.

Edward and I found our table for two in a secluded corner away from the larger ones. He opened up a bottle of champagne that was ordered especially for the occasion, and we toasted each other over and over. When the bottle was finished, the small orchestra began playing, so we danced until dinner was served.

Besides dancing, we also spent the night feasting on a seven course tasting menu consisting of ahi tuna with chive, cucumber and basque red pepper; celery root soup with poached duck egg and pumpkinseed oil; seared sea scallops with cauliflower purée and a microgreen salad; baked ocean trout with endive braised with lemon and vanilla; a herbed lamb chop with fingerling potatoes, cippolini onions and thyme jus; goat yogurt sorbet with blood orange, and a walnut tart with bourbon ice cream.

Thank God the portions were small and we were able to dance between the courses because I didn't know if I was going to be able to eat everything. But I managed, somehow.

Eventually, the clock struck eleven as we were dancing in each others arms underneath all of the glittering snowflakes. Edward let go of one of my hands to push me away before pulling me back into his body with a flourish. He then dipped me and kissed my mouth ardently. When he brought me back up he said,

'Let's get out of here.'

I looked surprised.

'But it's not midnight yet! Don't you want to be here to bring in the new year?'

Edward kissed my hand and smiled.

'There is only one way I want to bring in the new year, and it only involves you and me.'

So we returned to our suite where Edward and I made love before, during and after the arrival of the new year.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29 - Adult Content

Edward and I got up very late the next morning and had a quick breakfast before checking out of the hotel and going to pick up Adele. When we arrived, it was obvious that she didn't want to leave all of her friends, but I could see that the host's parents couldn't wait for all of the girls to go home. So we didn't hang around and make small talk.

On the drive back to Thornfield, we heard all about the slumber party. First, the girls went to the Galleria where they shopped till they dropped. Upon their return to the house, they gave each other mini make overs and put on a fashion show before settling in and watching tween movies all night long. After sleeping most of the next day away, they prepared for their dance filled New Years Eve Party. Adele reported that a good time was had by all, and everyone got along really well together. I was surprised to hear that because you never knew whose claws were going to come out when ten tween girls were together for over forty-eight hours.

Unfortunately, Edward had to return to London not long after the start of the new year, and I needed to be back on campus not long after he left. It was very hard to say good-bye again, but we arranged for me to spend my Spring Break in London so he can show me the city. As much fun as it was going to be to explore London, the only thing I wanted to do was be with Edward. And I didn't care what we did as long as we were together.

When I arrived back on campus after the holiday, the first thing I did was check in with Mary and Diana. I felt bad that I hadn't spoken to them the whole time I was away, but they didn't seem to mind, and we caught up at the kitchen table over tea and Christmas cookies while John, being his cold and distant self, sat in his chair and read the paper. The girls were very happy to see me and told me all about their nice, quiet holiday. And I told them all about my nice, not so quiet holiday without going into too much detail. Diana and Mary could tell I was leaving some stuff out and wanted to hear more. But I told them that I didn't kiss and tell and left it at that.

While Mary continued to pump me for information, I thought about what Edward had said about John liking me. It took all of my self control to not fall on the floor laughing as I watched John doing the New York Times Crossword Puzzle, oblivious to the fact that I was even in the room.

The new semester began, and in addition to my eighteen credit course load, I began working as a Peer Counselor. To my pleasant surprise, the sessions weren't as boring as I though they were going to be. Even though the problems the students brought to me seemed unimportant in the grand scheme of things, they were monumental to them, so I always did my best to give the best advice I could. I think John was really impressed with my work because he actually cracked a smile at me during one of my sessions. I beamed and took it as a huge compliment.

From that day on it was like a switch was turned. John acted more social and did things with his sisters and I. He now joined us for movies and on occasion, meals in the cafeteria. And when I jokingly suggested that the four of us treat ourselves to manis and pedis he laughed and actually thought twice before turning me down. I was really glad to see John come out of his shell, and I think his sisters were relieved as well.

Things were going great all around and I was happy even though I missed Edward terribly. I was definitely looking forward to visiting him in London over spring break since we wouldn't be together for Valentine's Day. And the memories of the fantastic time we had together over the Christmas holiday and our dates via the internet were helping to sustain me until then.

One afternoon in February, I arrived at John's office and was just about to knock when I heard a heated argument going on inside. I couldn't make out what was being said, but I knew one voice was John's and the other voice belonged to Mike Wharton, another counselor on staff. Before I could walk away, the door flung open and I heard Mike ask in a tone of voice that was filled with disgust,

'When are you going to start living your own life, John?' before he brushed past me and stormed off down the hall.

I hesitantly walked into the office and saw John with his head on his desk. When I cleared my throat, he looked up.

'Do you want to talk about it. I'm told I'm a good listener,' I said half teasingly, trying to lighten up the situation.

John snickered at me while holding out a letter which I took from him and read silently.

The letter said that John had applied for and received a Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Fellowship from the David Geffen School of Medicine at the University of California. On top of that, he was also hired to oversee their peer counseling program. This was a really big deal and I should have been pulling him off of the ceiling. But I wasn't. He just sat in his chair staring at me with a blank expression on his face.

'This is really great, John. When do you leave?'

'I'm not going anywhere.'

I was dumbfounded.

'You're not taking the job and the fellowship?'

'No, and I didn't even think that I was going to get either of them. Mike made me apply and now he is all pissed off that I won't even consider taking them.'

I sat down and leaned over the desk,

'You have to at least consider it, John. This is a great opportunity for you.'

'But it's not for my sisters. They love it here and they still need to finish up their educations. I made a promise to myself when our father died that I would take care of Mary and Diana until they had their degrees. And by God, so help me, I will!'

I stood up totally disgusted with his self-imposed martyrdom.

'John, you have to do what is right for you, not your sisters! Mary and Diana are grown women and they can take care of themselves. I know that they would never let you pass up this chance.'

His blue eyes darkened.

'They are never to know about this, Jane. Do you understand me?'

'But John!'

'No! This is my decision, and mine alone. You can't talk me out of it.' And with that said, he got up and left his office.

I didn't break my word to John and tell his sisters even though I could see how miserable he was. Mary and Diana thought that he had reverted back to his old ways, and they were right. John was hurting because he was torn between his dreams and his sister's needs. Even though we continued working together, John and I never discussed the topic again.

March came in like a lion and thankfully brought Spring Break with him. The dark cloud hanging over my relationship with John and his sisters was really beginning to wear me down. I really needed to get away and was very excited to be going to London to visit Edward. Having never been anywhere outside of New York State before, getting on an airplane and flying over an ocean was a really big deal for me.

Since Edward needed to attend a partners conference in New York City, he flew in for the meeting and then I met him at the airport when he was done. Instead of flying to London on a commercial airline, he surprised me by booking us on Marquis Jet, the worldwide leader in private aviation.

When we got to the plane, a drop dead gorgeous flight attendant was waiting to assist us, and I couldn't stop looking at her. She was a tall, busty blond whose uniform left nothing to the imagination. Next to her, I felt like a squat tree stump. To my horror, Candy recognized Edward right away and was overly friendly with him. She liked to get into his personal space and touch him whenever she could. He looked to be very uncomfortable with all of her inappropriate attention, and introduced me as he fiancé. Looking down at me from her four inch plus high heels, she said in an icy tone, while inspecting me from top to bottom,

'You're a lucky girl! I thought you were his niece.'

I didn't know how to respond to that, and was just about to stutter something incoherent when Edward replied,

'Actually, Candy, I'm the lucky one. Jane changed my life for the better the day I met her, and I am going to spend the rest of my life giving back to her everything she has given me.' Then he kissed my cheek before telling Candy, 'We won't be needing anything from you today. Why don't you go sit up front with the pilot.'

Candy didn't have anything else to say, so she turned and slowly strutted away. I still couldn't take my eyes off of her because she looked just as good from the back as she did from the front.

After I picked my chin up off of the ground, I noticed that Edward had sat down in a seat. When our eyes met, he patted his lap and I went and sat on him. He then brushed his lips over mine before kissing me deeply. I returned his kiss passionately before pulling away.

'Did you really mean what you said about me?'

He smiled as he took my face in his hands.

'Every word of it, Jane. I knew from that first night at the bar there was something about you that made me want to open myself up in ways that I didn't think were possible. And after I got to know you, your friendship helped to ease the pain that I thought would never go away because you made me look at my home and the world differently. Now Thornfield is a beautiful place that I hate to leave, and the world is not the retched escape it once was where my money bought me momentary happiness. I don't need to buy happiness anymore because you just being in my life makes me happier than I could ever imagine. And the fact that you love me and give yourself to me without expecting anything in return is a gift that I will cherish for the rest of my life.' Edward wrapped his arms around me and kissed me ardently before looking deep into my eyes. 'I always knew you would do me good, Jane,' he sighed. A naughty smile then crossed his lips and he added, 'In more ways than one!' as he leaned in to nibble on my ear. I hit him lovingly on the arm.

While Edward nibbled, the captain came over the loud speaker and thanked us for using Marquis Jet before telling us to put on our seat belts and enjoy the flight. I reluctantly moved to the seat next to Edward's and buckled myself in. As the plane took off, I looked out the window and watched everything under me get smaller and smaller until we were high up in the sky.

I know I should have kept my mouth shut, especially after Edward's lovely speech, but I just had to know. So I put my hand on his leg and asked,

'Have you slept with Candy?'

Edward looked really uncomfortable when he replied,

'No, Jane. I have never slept with Candy.'

I was very surprised by his answer.

'Then why did she act like she knew you?'

He sighed,

'Because I slept with her twin sister, Jamie.'

Edward then went on to reassure me that it happened before we met and it meant nothing to him. I wasn't upset because I knew he had a past and was glad that he was honest with me. But it did get me to thinking about how many women were throwing themselves at him while he was in London. Because it was a topic I wasn't eager to discuss, I let it go.

As soon as the captain turned off the seat belt sign, Edward grabbed my hand and led me to the back of the plane. He opened a door which revealed a large bed that was nicer than any of the beds at Thornfield and an onsuite bathroom. On the bed there was a box tied with a huge pink ribbon. I picked it up and asked,

'Is this for me?'

'No, Jane. It's really for me!' he laughed as he laid down on the bed and made himself comfortable.

I took the box in the bathroom and opened it up. Inside was a delicate lace bra and panties set in pale pink with a matching short silk bathrobe. I put on his present and posed in the doorway trying to exude the confidence of a Playboy centerfold. It wasn't working because I was thinking about how I was still a squat tree stump compared to Candy and her devastatingly long, voluptuous body.

Edward, sensing my discomfort, got up off the bed, and took me in his arms while assuring me that I was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen and that no one from his past even came close to me. I laughed and rolled my eyes at him while I wiped away a tear that had escaped my eye. When he saw me do that he walked me over to the full length mirror that was on the wall and stood behind me.

'Look at yourself and see what I see. You are a beautiful, sexy, desirable young woman. If you don't realize by now that I can't keep my hands off of you,' he chuckled before becoming serious. 'I see how other men look at you when we are out together. When we were at the dinner dance on New Years Eve, every man in that room wanted you. I could see it in their eyes and I thanked God that I was the man lucky enough to make love to you all night long. So remember that, Jane, the next time you feel insecure about yourself, OK?'

I turned around and kissed him with the force of my whole body behind it. Edward was knocked off balance a bit, but he recovered nicely and spun me around to face the mirror again.

'I want you to see how beautiful you look when I pleasure you.'

After removing the robe, he slipped his arms around my waist and brushed his lips down my neck. I moaned quietly as I offer up more skin to kiss. Edward then moved his hands to my shoulders and with his fingers, traced the straps of my bra before unhooking it and letting it fall to the floor.

For the longest time, he just stood behind me and looked at my refection. His eyes went over every inch of my body, tracing every curve, every line, like fingers. I shuddered and gasped as I felt it, loving what he could do to me with just his gaze.

When he couldn't hold off touching me any longer, Edward cupped my breasts and ran my nipples between his fingers while he resumed kissing my neck. I couldn't look away from the mirror as I watched him titillating me. My pleasure was his pleasure and I could see it in his face, feel it in his touch. It was evident in his uneven breaths and the way his chest rose and fell roughly as I leaned against him.

Tremors raced through me as Edward released one of my breasts and glided his hand down my body to stroke me through the lace of my panties. I threw my head back and moaned loudly while he continued to manipulate me and take my breath away. He then let go of my other breast so he could reveal all of me before giving me the most intimate of kisses. My climax was so powerful that I needed to lean on the mirror for support.

When I was done, Edward stood up and kissed my mouth deeply before removing his clothes and carrying me over to the bed. He laid me down gently and then slowly pressed himself into me. I was still lightheaded from my orgasm so I let him do all the work. Edward took his time bringing us around and I was grateful. I love having him inside of me so the longer it took the better.

You are going to think I'm strange, but even if I didn't derive any physical pleasure from Edward making love to me, I would still love being with him in this way. It is not so much the build up to and the orgasm I enjoy. It's the ability to connect physically to someone you are madly in love with that I delight in.

When we were finished, we laid in each other's arms until it was time to dress and get off the plane. Candy was waiting when we emerged from the bedroom. She asked if we enjoyed our flight (we most certainly did!), and then she asked when will we be flying with Marquis Jet again. Edward put his arm around me and said that I would be returning on my own in a weeks time and that he expected me to receive only the best service that Marquis Jet offers. Candy looked down at me and smiled.

'My sister, Jamie, will be taking care of you on that flight.'

Oh great! I cringed to myself.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

When we arrived at Edward's flat it was well after midnight, so we went straight to bed. After waking up sometime around eleven, and saying good morning to each other in a very intimate way, we had a leisurely lunch together. Unfortunately, Edward need to attend another boring meeting that he couldn't miss, but he promised to be back at six and take me out for dinner. Right before he left, I gave him a soul searching kiss so he would have something to think about during his boring meeting. Then I checked out his place.

The flat was very open and airy because it was full of huge windows which overlooked the River Thames. Since it was a beautiful day and the sun was shining, I could see for miles all around me and quickly lost myself in the panoramic view. Eventually, I remembered to get dressed, but not before staring out the window and watching the world go by for at least an hour.

While putting on my clothes, I unpacked and put my stuff in the drawers and in the space in his closet that Edward had left empty for me. I smiled to myself as I did this mundane task because those two simple acts just reinforced that I was a very lucky woman. Edward was always making sure that all of my needs were met and he loved me to death. What more could I ask for?

Once dressed, I returned to the amazing view and thought about how romantic this place will be at night with the lights of London just outside the window. Then I got to thinking, who else has been here with Edward? It would be very easy for him to bring women here since I was in New York and couldn't unexpectedly drop by. Just thinking about him cheating on me made me feel lightheaded, so I went to sit down. As I walked over to the couch, all I could see was Edward and Candy having sex on it. Watching him worship her voluptuous body made me so sick to my stomach that I really thought I was going to throw up.

When I was finally able to stop those awful images from playing in my head I thought, where is all of this coming from? Edward has never given me the slightest indication that he has been unfaithful. I quickly reasoned that seeing Candy and hearing about his liaison with Jamie unnerved me. So to take my mind off of things, I put on the TV and waited impatiently for Edward to return.

He returned as promised, and while Edward changed into something more casual, we reviewed our dining options together. After figuring out that we were both in the mood for seafood, we ended up going to Canary Wharf and having dinner at First Edition Wine Bar where we feasted on shrimp, scallops and lobster, and drank a lot of wine.

Needing to walk off my wine buzz in the cool night air, we window shopped for a bit after dinner before returning to his flat. Edward and I then spent the rest of the night cuddling on his sofa, and sipping more wine as we continued to looked out at the beautiful skyline.

Because Edward had the next four days free, we got up early and spent Saturday doing all the thing tourist do when they visit London. We visited Buckingham Palace, Big Ben/Parliament Building, the Tower Bridge and the British Museum before returning to his flat to change our clothes. Then it was off to the London Eye where he booked us a private Cupid's Capsule. We snuggled up together and enjoyed the breathtaking view of London at dusk as we sipped Laurent-Perrier champagne, nibbled on assorted spring finger foods, and indulged in Charbonnel et Walker pink champagne truffles.

Luckily, Sunday was another beautiful day so we took a leisurely two and a half hour boat tour of the Thames. Edward and I eventually got off in Greenwich to walk around the market before visiting The Fan Museum and having tea. After tea, Edward wanted to check out the Cutty Sark, but was disappointed to find out that it was closed for restoration. Consequently, we ended up taking the Docklands Light Railway back to Canary Wharf where we had another excellent seafood dinner, this time at The Grapes, which is thought to be the inspiration for the pub in Charles Dickens' book "Our Mutual Friend."

It rained on Monday, so we stayed in and amused ourselves in the bedroom all day before eating modern french food at Cafe des Amis and attending a performance of "The Phantom of the Opera." I had never been to the theater before, so I was really blown away by the whole experience. I couldn't get over how magnificent the costumes and sets were. And the singing! I had never heard anything so beautiful and so moving in my life. I sat on the edge of my seat for the entire show and was physically and emotionally exhausted when it was finished.

Afterwards, we had drinks at 606 Club and listened to live jazz performances until one-thirty in the morning.

On Tuesday, Edward and I went to the Hamiltons Gallery in Mayfair. This gallery specializes in modern photography and their current exhibit was titled "'69', The Works of Jim Lee." Upon entering the space, we learned that Jim Lee, a British artist who currently lives in London, has had the privilege of working alongside Ossie Clark, one of the most influential British fashion designers of the sixties and seventies. And he sites Helmut Newton as a prominent influence in his photography.

As I walked around the exhibit, I noticed that the images in Jim Lee's photographs lean towards being risqué and evocative. That the women appear to be self assured and sensual and he concentrates on maximizing not only their femininity, but also their prowess and sexual energy. I began to study a huge, provocative silver gelatin print of a woman in a bathing suit called Bikini / Beachy Head, when Edward came up behind me and put his arm around my waist. I turned my head and he said with a devilish look in his eyes,

'We'll have to come back in October for the Helmut Newton exhibit!'

I laughed as I hit him in the arm, but couldn't agree with him more.

Since Edward had to return to work, I spent Wednesday exploring London via the tube and on foot, and ended up window shopping in Marylebone Village before hitting Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. After visiting with Shakespeare, Picasso, and George Clooney, I walked up and down Marylebone High Street where I found this great fashion and accessory store called Danlor. I bought presents for Adele and Mrs. Fairfax there before returning to the flat and having a quiet dinner with Edward.

On my last full day in London, Edward arranged for a car to pick me up and take me to the Spa at Chancery Court where I was pampered for six glorious hours. As much as I enjoyed my treatments, this spa experience wasn't as nice as it could have been because Edward wasn't there to share it with me.

When I returned to the flat after my spa day I felt so refreshed and relaxed that I took a mid afternoon nap. And when I woke up some three hours later, I found Edward staring down at me and smiling. He then gently brushed the hair away from my face before telling me that we missed our dinner reservation, but not to worry because he ordered out. So we sat on the sofa eating Indian take-out while spending my last night in London just like we spent my first night here, sipping wine while looking out at the beautiful skyline.

Edward drove me to the airport in the morning and before I left he reminded me that he was going to be in France next week on business. He also informed me that he was having trouble with his cell phone, so I shouldn't be surprised if I had problems connecting with him. After thanking him for this wonderful trip, I told him to have a great time in France and then kissed him passionately before getting on the plane to return to America.

As expected, Jamie was the flight attendant and if I didn't know any better, at first glance I would have thought it was Blanche Ingram because she was just as tall and as stunningly beautiful as Blanche was! Jamie's long, wavy black hair flowed down her back, and her figure was every man's dream. She was curvy in all of the right places and then some. Seeing Jamie and her resemblance to Blanche, and now that I think of it, Bertha as well, really got me thinking. Edward definitely has a type of woman that he is attracted to, and it made me nervous because I don't fit the mold at all. I know he told me that I was beautiful and desirable, and that I made him happier than he ever thought possible, but I'm just afraid that he is going to wake up one day, look at me and ask himself, I'm Edward Fairfax Rochester. What the hell am I doing with plain Jane Eyre?

Jamie didn't have to say a word to make me feel intimidated and she knew it. But instead of being demoralizing, like her sister, Candy, she was overly nice to me, almost to the point of being saccharine. I didn't know which was worse and wasn't in the mood to deal with any of it. So I spent most of the flight trying to lose myself in a book. Unfortunately, it wasn't working and I spent most of my time picturing Edward and Jamie having sex. I don't know why I was torturing myself like that, but I just couldn't stop myself.

Thankfully, the flight was uneventful and after we landed, I drove back to campus. On the drive up and as I settled into my dorm room, all I could think about was Edward. Something was nagging at me, but I just couldn't figure out what it was. Even though we had a fabulous time together, my woman's intuition told me that something bad was going to happen. I tried to shake off the negative feelings, but couldn't so I chalked it up to jet lag before going to bed and trying to get some sleep

After sleeping some, Saturday was spent catching up on my various assignments so I could go over to the Rivers' apartment for dinner on Sunday. As soon as I walked in their door I could tell that John hadn't told his sisters about his job offer because he was still in a very bad mood. Diana and Mary both pulled my aside separately and told me that this was the worst they had ever seen their brother, and that they were both really worried about him. It just about killed me to not tell them that I knew why he was so miserable. But I made a promise to John to keep his secret, so I did.

As usual, my week was spent attending classes and working at the Counseling & Advisement Offices. John was now beyond miserable and taking it out on everyone in sight. I knew I had to say something to him about California, yet I didn't know how to go about it. Also, I could see that I still wasn't the only person interested in John's decision not to go. Mike Wharton, the counselor who made him apply for the position, kept trying to talk to John about it, but he wouldn't listen to him or even acknowledge his presence when they passed each other in the hall.

I found out from Mary, that in addition to Mike being her secret crush, he was also a very old friend of John's. They have known each other since high school and were roommates at Princeton. And from what I understand, John, Mike, and Rosamond were inseparable until she broke off her engagement to John. According to Mary, Mike really helped John our during that time and she and her sister will always be grateful to him because of it.

Everything came to a head when Mike finally had had enough of John's silent treatment and went to get his attention by touching him on the arm. I watched in horror as John pulled away from him so violently that I thought Mike was going to lose his balance and fall backwards. And to make matters worse, John never even looked back to see if Mike was all right. He just continued on down the hall. Thankfully, Mike wasn't hurt physically, but I could see that he was definitely hurting emotionally.

Not being able to take it anymore, I followed John into his office and slammed the door shut behind me, totally outraged at what I just witnessed between him and Mike. John didn't even flinch as the sound resonated through the room. He just sat in his chair and stared at the wall. I finally had to say something to get his attention.

'This is ridiculous! You need to tell your sisters about the fellowship and job offer in California!'

John looked at me and sighed,

'It's not that simple, Jane. There is more to this situation than you know.'

'Then why don't you tell me all about it, John. Like what is going on between you and Mike? How can you be so cold to your old friend?' I began before replaying the fight that they had had when John found out he got the fellowship and job offer in my head. And then compared it to the situation I just witnessed. A light bulb went on in my head. 'Oh my God, John! Is Mike your. . . boyfriend?'

John looked up at the ceiling like he was waiting for something to fall on his head.

'Are you alright?' I asked as I looked quickly up at the ceiling and then back at him. 'What are you doing?'

'I'm waiting to be punished.'

'By whom?' Then I thought about it for a minute and shook my head, 'He is not going to punish you! What is the big deal anyway? So what if you are gay. Do Diana and Mary know?' I asked as I rested my hand on his shoulder.

He shook his head,

'No, and it is none of their business.'

'John, they love you and want you to be happy. Believe me, they won't care. Tell them!'

'I can't and I won't.'

'What does Mike think?'

'Mike is angry and hurt. He had his heart set on moving out to California and us building a life together out there.'

'If you don't want to leave your sisters then you two could build a life together here.'

John slammed his hands on the desk.

'No, that's not possible! No one is to know that I am gay, especially my sisters. Do you understand?'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing even though I replied,

'Yes, John. I understand.' But I didn't.

Because I was so blown away by what John told me, I took the long way back to my dorm and tried to reconcile why he was so against telling his sisters that he was gay. He deserved to be happy and if Mike made him happy then why should he deny himself?

Unable to get my head around John's dilemma, I decided to call Edward because I really needed to talk to someone who wasn't close to this situation. Forgetting that he said his cell phone was having problems, I worried when I wasn't able to reach him. My worry steadily grew into panic mode while I went about my business the next day and still couldn't connect with him.

Four days later, after calling him about a million times, I dialed his number and miraculously got through. Unfortunately, I heard a familiar woman's voice answer his cell phone.

'Blanche Ingram, is that you?'

--

The London Eye and Hamiltons Gallery web sites


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

Blood raced through my body and thundered in my head as my voice tightened in my throat.

'What are you doing with Edward's cell phone? Where is Edward?' I somehow managed to squeak out.

Blanche's laugh sounded low and seductive over the phone.

'I am at his flat and we just finished making love for hours on the sofa in front of his tremendous view of London. And just so you know, Jane, he wants nothing to do with you anymore. Don't you, sweetie pie.'

It was then that I heard a deep, male voice in the background that sounded like Edward's.

'That's right, and tell her to stop calling me. I don't want to hear from her ever again!'

As his words echoed in my head, Blanche disconnected the call and I stared at the phone in a state of shock. Edward was with Blanche and he didn't want me anymore?! This cannot be happening! I thought to myself as I worked up the courage to call his cell phone again. After hearing two rings, a recording played saying that the number I dialed was disconnected. Now I had no possible way of getting in touch with him! Not being able to think clearly or knowing what to do, I just paced the floor of my room for the rest of the night.

Because I was so distraught, I blew off my classes and my job and stayed in bed for two whole days. I still couldn't believe that Edward didn't love me anymore, and I had no idea what I had done to make him turn to Blanche Ingram of all people. I even went over every minute detail of my visit with him over Spring Break, but couldn't figure out what went wrong.

After calling in sick for the third day in a row, I laid on my bed and stared up at the ceiling. And I probably would have stayed there for God knows how long if there wasn't a loud knock on my door. I really wasn't in the mood to see anyone, but answered it anyway. Upon opening my door, I found John standing in the hallway, looking to see if I was alright. I let him in, and after telling him what had happened with Edward, I broke down. Surprisingly, he took me in his arms and comforted me. When I was done crying, I looked up at him and our eyes locked. Before I knew what was happening, he leaned forward and kissed me.

Now, having only been kissed by Edward, this kiss was definitely the kind that I would expect from a relative, if I had one. It felt mechanical and cold, and I felt absolutely nothing. Not wanting John to get the wrong idea, I abruptly pulled away from him and was trying to form an appropriate verbal response when I noticed that he was looking over my shoulder. I turned around, and to my horror, saw Edward standing in my doorway, looking like he had just been punched in the stomach.

'I came up here to surprise you, Jane, and it looks like I'm the one who got the surprise. I cannot believe you did this to me after I allowed you come here! I always suspected there was something going on between the two of you!' he yelled before storming off down the hall.

Taking off after him, I began to explain everything.

'Edward, the kiss meant nothing! Please, stop! John was just comforting me when I thought you. . .'

He didn't seem to be listening to me and just kept walking away. Then I realized what he had just said to me.

'Wait!. . . You allowed me? I didn't know you allowed me to go to college! I didn't know that I needed your permission to do anything! Just because we are engaged doesn't mean you control me, Edward! And there is nothing going on between me and John! But what about you? What the hell was Blanche Ingram doing in your flat and answering your cell phone? And why did you say that you never wanted to hear from me again? Are you two having an affair?'

Edward stopped dead in his tracks and whipped around. His eyes were ablaze with anger.

'How can you even think that I am having an affair with Blanche Ingram! I told you I was going to be in France and I was. And just so you know, an old friend of mine called me right before I left and asked if he could stay at my flat while he was visiting London. I didn't know Henry Lynn was bringing Blanche! Hell, I didn't know he was bringing anybody, and since I was going to be away on business, I thought nothing of him staying at my place. And as to my cell phone, I thought I lost it and had it disconnected.

'After all that we have been through, I cannot believe you would think that I would cheat on you!' His eyes were now cold as ice and his voice sliced through my heart as he continued. 'You have a lot to learn, little girl. I have women throwing themselves at me every day and it would be really easy for me fuck all of them, but I love you way too much to do that. . . You know, maybe I should have, instead of sleeping in a cold bed night after night, all alone. It is not like you would ever find out!' he bellowed before turning around and continuing on down the hall.

'Edward, please wait! Can't we discuss this?' I pleaded.

'I'll call you when I am ready to talk!' he grumbled over his shoulder while throwing open the doors at the end of the hall and disappearing into the stairwell.

As I watched him leave me, my legs gave out and I collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. John, who had to have heard everything, helped me up, walked me to my bed, and thankfully, left me alone in my misery.

Edward didn't call me that night, or the next, and I couldn't get in touch with him because his cell phone was still disconnected and he wasn't responding to any of my e-mails. It was obvious to me that our relationship was over and I was devastated. Diana and Mary even came by and tried their best to cheer me up, but it was of no use since I wouldn't let them in my room. I just wanted to be by myself.

Three more days passed and still no call from Edward. I did begin attending classes and working in the Counseling & Advisement Offices again, but I was just a shell of a person. My heart was shattered into about a million pieces, and I was barely able to go through the motions of my day. Sometimes, when I sat at my desk between appointments, I even tried to convince myself that this was all just a bad dream. And that when I woke up, I was going to find that Edward still loved me because I just couldn't believe that I had screwed up so horribly.

While trying for the umpteenth time to wake myself up from my ongoing nightmare, John called me into his office. So sure that I was going to be reprimanded for letting my personal life interfere with my work, I closed the door behind me before taking a seat and bracing myself for what was to come. But to my surprise, I heard him say,

'I have some good news for you, Jane.'

Really needing to hear some good news, I leaned into his desk.

'What is it?'

He smiled,

'Our uncle, whom we were estranged from, died, leaving Diana, Mary, and I some money. Now that I know they can take care of themselves financially, I'm going out to California.'

Sure that the kiss was just a huge mistake, I went around the desk and gave John a warm hug because I was really happy for him and his sisters.

'I know Diana and Mary will miss you, but I'm sure they are thrilled for you and Mike.'

He pulled away from me and his eyes locked with mine.

'They don't know about Mike, and he is not going with me. I want you to come with me, Jane, because I love you.'

I broke from his grasp and took three steps back.

'What? But, you're gay!'

He laughed.

'I guess I should have added, like a sister.' Then his countenance changed, 'But, if I was to ever really love a woman, I think that woman could be you. I knew you were different the day I saw you on the side of the road and when I found out that you were engaged, I was surprisingly heartbroken. And I know our kiss stirred something in me that I have never felt before. Not even with Mike.

'So come with me to California, Jane, as a very special friend. There is a Peer Counseling job in the Counseling and Advisement Offices at UCLA waiting for you, and you can continue to work on your undergraduate degree in Psychology, if you want. And when my fellowship is over, we can open up an inner city clinic together and help people who really need it.' He then put his hand on my arm and his voice became tender. 'It's obvious that there is nothing here for you now. . . Who knows, maybe our friendship will blossom into something more. I really think I could learn to love you the way God intended if I pray and try hard enough.

'Besides, you are not meant to be a rich man's wife. Think of how bored you would be hosting dinner parties and shopping and gossiping with the ladies who lunch. Jane Eyre needs fulfillment and adventure. You were born for that. That is the way God made you.'

I was really taken aback. Even though I did like John, it was only as a friend, and I didn't want to be with someone who thought they could love me only if they prayed and tried hard enough. I deserve much better than that. And as to his slam on Edward and his friends, John was partially right. I would be bored doing nothing meaningful with my life. But I didn't think Edward wanted me to waste my time doing nothing and being unfulfilled. Not that it mattered now. Then I got to thinking, there was nothing left for me here since Edward didn't want me anymore, and maybe it was a good idea to start over where I could be useful and help people who really need it.

After thanking John for his offer, I decided to go for a walk to mull it over. When I got outside, I immediately wished I had dressed warmer. Even though it was late March and the sun was out, a cool wind was whipping off of the lake, and I could have really used a warm coat, hat and gloves. Not caring if I got pneumonia or not, I wrapped my arms around myself and walked around campus lost in thought. So lost in thought it seems that I didn't see a huge patch of black ice and slipped. I landed hard on my backside causing me to cry out in pain and put my head in my hands and sob. But not because I was injured. Because I missed Edward terribly, and wanted to try and work things out with him even though it was very obvious to me that he didn't want to.

Torn between staying in New York and trying to get Edward to love me again, or going with John out to California where I could be of some use, I asked God what to do and waited for a sign. After a couple of minutes passed and there wasn't one, I carefully raised myself up because my body was shivering violently now that the wind was blowing stronger and colder than before.

When I was finally able to stand securely on the ice, I heard,

'Jane!'

The voice sounded a lot like Edward's, so I looked around quickly and almost fell again. After regaining my balance, I realized that there was no one trying to get my attention. Thinking that my weary mind was playing tricks on me, I began to take tentative steps off of the ice. Then I heard the voice cry out again,

'Jane!'

My heart raced as I looked around once more.

'Edward, is that you?' I asked out loud into the crisp, early spring air.

'Jane!' he responded, sounding like he was in great pain.

Even though there were people in the general vicinity, I didn't care if they thought I was crazy as I cried out at the top of my lungs,

'I'm coming, Edward! Wait for me!' before somehow getting off of the ice in one piece. Then I headed to the parking lot where I got into my Honda and took off, having no idea where the heck I was going. But thankfully, the car seemed to know the way.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

After getting on Route 87 and driving for a bit, I pulled the car off the road, put on my hazards and got out. Having no idea why I stopped here, I looked around, but saw nothing that was out of the ordinary. I was just about to get back into my Honda and drive away when a flash of light caught my eye. So I walked over to the edge of the embankment, looked down, and saw Edward's mangled Land Rover at the bottom of the slope. Despite the fact that it was resting on it's tires, the vehicle looked like it had been crushed at the junk yard. The roof and the driver's door had buckled in and all of the windows were blown out.

I scrambled down the hill with my heart in my throat, dreading what I was going to find. Upon arriving at his vehicle, I noticed that the air bag had deployed, and Edward was still strapped in his seat. His head and face were all cut up and there was dried blood and pieces of glass everywhere. Fearing the worst, I cried out and touched his cheek. His skin was cool to my touch so I began to sob uncontrollably. When I went to take my hand away, his eyes flickered and then opened for a second before closing again. I looked for his pulse and found it, but it was very faint, so I whipped out my cell phone and with trembling fingers dialed 911. Despite my weak signal, I was able to tell the operator where they could find my car, and stayed with Edward until help arrived.

Thankfully, it didn't take long. Soon there were police cars, fire trucks, ambulances and rescue team vehicles lining the highway. One by one, the rescuers made their way down the embankment to Edward's Land Rover. Even though I was ordered to go back up to the road, I refused to leave him. I did feel the need to step back, however, while the rescue personal used the Jaws of Life to cut open Edward's door. Then I watched as they strapped him to a long spine board and gently carried him up to the ambulance that was to take him to the hospital.

While Edward was whisked into surgery, I overheard one of the doctors on staff say that he didn't think Edward was going to make it, so I cried and paced in the waiting room for hours. Finally, around ten o'clock, another doctor came out to see me. Edward was alive, but he was in really bad shape. Dr. Carter figured that he was down in that embankment for at least five days without food or water. It was a miracle that he survived at all, she said. If it wasn't for the fact that Edward was in such good physical condition and that he went into a coma, he wouldn't be here right now. I was relieved to hear that Edward was alive, but I could tell by the doctor's tone of voice that he wasn't out of the woods yet. She then went on to say that there was visible damage to his left eye and both of his retinas detached in the accident. Dr. Carter assured me that both retinas were repaired successfully, but since the physical damage to his left eye involved the macula, where our central vision is located, his sight in that eye will most likely remain blurry. Also, Edward's left hand was crushed from being pinned between the door and his seat. But because of where it was pinned, his hand didn't swell and surprisingly, he didn't develop an infection. The doctors were able to save his hand, however, they are not sure how well it will function when it heals. And the results of Edward's MRI and CAT scan show swelling around his Temporal lobe which means that he could have a lot of impairments that we won't know about for a while.

I was now shaking in my sneakers and asked if I could see him. Dr. Carter said it was fine, but warned me that even though Edward showed signs that he was waking up, they thought it best to keep him in a coma for a undetermined period of time. And, as a precaution, he was intibated and placed on a ventilator to help him breath. When I heard the word coma again, I lost it, fearing the worst, but she assured me it was done to give his brain time to heal from the trauma of the accident. The goal, she said, was to reduce the swelling and pressure which cuts off the blood flow to the brain and kills healthy brain tissue.

After I thanked Dr. Carter, a nurse took me to Edward's room in the Intensive Care Unit. Even though I was forewarned by Dr. Carter, I still gasped when I saw Edward lying on the hospital bed. His head was covered by bandages that extended down over both of his eyes and he had all of these tubes and wires attaching him to various machines that hummed and beeped. As I walked over to his bed, I watched Edward's chest go up and down until I was close enough to lean over and kiss him on his nose. Then I gently caressed what little of his scratched up face I could see while telling him how sorry I was for everything that had happened.

I spent the next two weeks at Edward's bedside holding his hand and talking to him. And when I couldn't come up with anything to say, I read to him books, magazine articles, instructions manuals, anything I could get my hands on. Not only did I do this in order to help Edward, I did it for myself because it was very painful for me to see him lying there motionless with most of his face covered by bandages. There was one bright spot, however. When Edward was finally taken off the ventilator, he had no trouble breathing on his own. I cannot tell you the joy I felt when I saw his chest rise and fall without him having that awful looking tube in his mouth.

Not long after, the doctors decided that it was time to wean Edward away from the anesthetic that kept him in his coma. The anesthesiologist tapered down his dosage gradually and told me that it should take six to eight hours for Edward to come around. Then the doctor informed me that when Edward wakes up, he will probably be quite irritated, easily annoyed, and confused as to why he is here, what is going on, why he can't leave, and in his case, why he can't see. And that it is best to give him some information, but not so much as to frighten or overwhelm him about what he has been through. I was also warned that when people are in comas they sometimes have very vivid dreams and when they wake up, they truly believe that is what happened to them. So it is to be expected that just about anything could come out of Edward's mouth when he is able to talk.

I never left Edward's bedside because I wanted to watch him come back to me. About four hours after the anesthesiologist left, Edward's right hand twitched so I kissed and stroked it trying to urge him on. Eventually, he began thrashing around and making moaning noises that sounded like he was in agony. My heart broke to see him that way, so I caressed his face before telling him that everything was alright, and that I was here. Edward must have heard me because he asked in a weak voice,

'Who is that? Is this a dream? Are you going to leave me again?'

I was startled by the fact that he could speak clearly. When my heart stopped racing I replied,

'This is no dream, Edward. I am here and I will never leave you.'

'That's what you always said when you would visit me at night, but in the morning you were always gone. . . Where are you? I must touch you,' he pleaded as his right hand reached out towards the sound of my voice.

I grabbed his hand and trapped it in-between my own.

'Her fingers! he cried out, 'If these are her fingers than there must be more of her! I cannot see her, but I know she is here,' Edward replied after he broke from my grasp in order to touch me. Leaning over the bed, I placed his hand on my cheek. 'Is this Jane? he asked while patting my face. 'It is! I'd know your face anywhere.'

'Yes, Edward, it's me and I am so happy you're awake.'

'Awake? What do you mean? I don't sleep anymore, not since the night you ran off and left me.'

'Edward, I never left you,' I hastily replied before remembering what the anesthesiologist said about him having vivid dreams while he was in the coma.

He was incredulous.

'Yes, yes you did! You left me when you found out that I was still married to Bertha. It was horrible, Jane, when I woke up and found you gone. I hired private investigators to find you, but it was of no use. They couldn't find you, and I grew wild and savage, to the point of being dangerous to myself and others. All I wanted was to be left alone in my misery, so I sent Mrs. Fairfax away to live with her sister, and put Adele in boarding school. I isolated myself from everyone, and only left Thornfield at night to walk around the grounds and pray that you would come back to me. Until. . .'

'Until what, Edward?'

He swallowed hard.

'Until the fire. . . Jane, Thornfield is ruined. Bertha burned it to the ground. I tried to save her, but couldn't, and now I am blind and a cripple,' he said while raising up his left arm. 'My hand had to be amputated. And my face, can't you see my scars from the fire? Tell me, Jane, is it hideous? Am I hideous?'

I picked up his left hand and kissed it.

'No, Edward. You are not hideous.'

'Oh, Jane, I'm so happy you came back to me! I called for you so many times that if anyone heard me they would have thought I was mad.' He paused for a moment before continuing. 'Maybe I was mad because the last time I called for you, I actually thought I heard you answer me. I could have sworn I heard you say, "I'm coming, Edward. Wait for me," so I did. I've been waiting for you ever since, Jane, and I am really thirsty. Could you get me a drink of water, please?'

I smiled and patted his hand.

'Of course, Edward. I would be happy to get you a drink of water.'

Edward continued to believe that Thornfield was in ruins, that he was blind, and his left hand was gone until his head bandages were removed. Thankfully, he was able to see clearly out of his right eye, but the sight in his left one was blurry. I know the doctors did their best, and it could have been much worse, so we were very grateful that he still had the sight in one of his eyes.

The days passed quickly as Edward recovered from his accident. A physical therapist came in daily to help him exercise his left hand. There was a good possibility that he could regain some use of his fingers if he worked hard, and he did. Edward was a model patient who worked diligently without ever complaining, even though I knew it was painful for him at times.

We still hadn't discussed the day of his accident and I was in no hurry to bring it up. But one morning, out of the blue, Edward wanted to talk about it. Dr. Carter had told me previously that it was likely he wouldn't remember much due to injury related amnesia. But she was wrong because Edward indicated that he remembered everything that had happened. I felt awful and was just about to apologize to him, when he apologized to me. Surprised to hear that, I asked,

'For what?'

'For being such as asshole, Jane. I'm so sorry for saying that I allowed you to go to college and that I wished I had slept with other woman while I was in London. You have to believe me when I say that I have never had the desire to be intimate with anyone but you since we met. I only said it because I was trying to hurt you, and I am really sorry.'

I squeezed his hand and he continued.

'Now, about Blanche. You had every right to be upset with me. How were you to know that I let Henry use my flat and that he was bringing Blanche when I didn't even know she was coming with him.' Edward shook his head, 'I cannot believe she would stoop so low as to try and drive a wedge between us. And I cannot believe Henry would go along with her willingly.'

I couldn't contain myself.

'Oh, Edward! I'm sorry too. I never should have accused you of cheating on me. You have never given me any reason to question your fidelity before, and I should have given you the benefit of the doubt.'

'It's OK, Jane, you didn't know. After I stormed off that night and drove around, I realized just how bad it looked for me. I felt awful for how I reacted and was going to turn around and beg for your forgiveness when I lost control of the Land Rover. I don't remember much after that except all of those weird dreams. They were so real that I could have sworn they actually happened.'

I smiled and caressed his cheek.

'I so love your smile, Jane. It is one of the many things I love about you.'

Taking his face in my hands I cried out,

'So you still love me then?'

Edward looked surprised.

'Jane, I never stopped loving you!'

'Even after you caught me and John kissing?'

He laughed.

'Yes. And I know all about John Rivers.'

I must have had a puzzled look on my face because he said,

'I left France early to attend a last minute business meeting in the city. When I was done, I drove up here to surprise you, and went to John's office thinking that you would be there. I was just about to knock on his door when I heard him fighting with someone, and thought he was yelling at you. So I stayed outside and listened, and soon realized that it wasn't you he was fighting with. It was his boyfriend, Mike. Jane, did you know John was gay?'

'Yes, Edward, I knew.'

Edward laughed again.

'Then why were you two kissing?'

'I was really distraught when I thought you had left me for Blanche, and when he comforted me, it went too far. I felt nothing, it meant nothing! I am so sorry, Edward. Can you ever forgive me?'

'Of course, Jane. But I must admit, even though I knew he was gay, seeing John kissing you made me very jealous. I guess that is why I tried to hurt you and overreacted when you accusing me of having an affair.'

Before he could say anything else, I leaned over and kissed him hard on his mouth. It felt so good to feel his lips on mine that I never wanted to stop kissing him. In fact, I never wanted to be separated from him ever again. So I pulled back, looked deep into his eyes and said,

'Let's get married as soon as possible.'

Edward didn't look as happy as I expected. In fact he looked quite sad.

'I think this is the hardest thing I will ever have to do,' he said before replying, 'No.'

I was stunned and could barely get out,

'Why? Didn't you just say that you never stopped loving me?'

'Jane, I love you with every fiber of my being. But you shouldn't be tied down to a man who can only see out of one eye and whose left hand is practically useless. And don't you remember what Dr. Carter said about the damage to my Temporal lobe?' Edward looked down at the bed and said quietly, 'That I might not be able to perform my husbandly duties?' He then sighed heavily before picking up his head and looking me in the eye. 'You are so young and deserve a whole man, so I release you from the commitment you made to me.'

I didn't move and he got really angry.

'Go then! Didn't you hear me? I said I release you from our engagement!' he roared while waving his arms wildly in the air.

I wanted to laugh at him for acting so ridiculous, but I behaved and stood my ground.

'I heard you, but you are going to have to do a lot better than that if you want me to leave. Push me away if you don't want me anymore. I'm not going anywhere.'

Edward's face grew grim.

'I don't want you to marry me out of pity, Jane. You know how I hate pity.'

After I ran my hands through his shaggy black hair, I leaned into him and nibbled on his lower lip.

'The very last thing I feel for you, Edward, is pity.'

'The tone of your voice almost makes me believe you, but I am not a fool. Go. Leave me!' He turned away. I still wasn't going anywhere, so we sat in silence for what felt like forever until he grumbled, 'Why are you still here?'

'Well, that's a stupid question. I'm still here because I love you, Edward, and I want to be your wife!'

He looked very surprised like he hadn't heard a single word I had been saying.

'You still want me? Like this, Jane? Do you really want to be tied down to a cripple who cannot love you the way you deserve to be loved?'

Now I looked surprised.

'Want you? I need you! I cannot bear to live another day without you as my husband! I don't care if your left hand functions or not. And as to that other issue, we don't know if it is even true yet. If it is, then we will deal with it together because just having you in my life is more than enough for me. You know as well as I do that there is way more to love than just sex, and you haven't lost your ability to love me, so I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry, Edward. Regardless of the outcome, I promise to take really good care of you.'

His face grew grim again.

'Jane, regardless of the outcome, I want a wife. I don't want a nurse.'

'Just wait until you see me in the sexy little nurse costume I bought. I think you will change your mind!' I said, trying to lighten the situation. It didn't work, so I straddled his lap before taking his face in my hands and trying a different tactic. 'Edward, we are meant to be together. I like to think that someone, somewhere has written down our story for the ages, only in really beautiful prose and with a more refined story line.'

He finally laughed at me.

'Why would anyone care about us, Jane? What makes us so special?'

'Oh, I don't know. A dark, brooding older man with a secret wife who falls in love with an inexperienced eighteen year old girl, and the trials they go through on the way to their happily ever after ending has all the makings of a really good book.'

'Sounds more like a soap opera to me, and you know how bad they are,' he groaned.

I rolled my eyes before forcing him to look at me.

'So what do you say, Edward Fairfax Rochester? Will you do me the great honor of taking me as your wife and making my happiness? I promise, I will make yours.'

Edward wrapped his arms around me and I kissed him with such passion that he had to have felt just how much I loved him.

Instead of going right home to Thornfield when Edward was finally released from the hospital, we went straight to the town clerk's office and applied for our marriage license. After we had the document in our hands, we purchased our wedding bands.

Now we only had to wait twenty-four hours until we could be married.

--

Retinal Detachment - answers dot com / cbsnews dot com - stories - 2006 - 01 - 10 - health - main - 1195836 / Head injury dot com - brain map / "Jane Eyre" chapter 37


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"Reader, I married him. A quiet wedding we had: he and I, the minister and his clerk were alone present." There were no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no flowers and no cake. I didn't wear an expensive bridal gown and Edward didn't wear his tuxedo because none of that was important. The only thing that mattered was that Edward and I were getting married.

Sunlight streamed through the stained glass window of the tiny, stone church as we stood at the alter and held hands. Edward spoke first.

'I, Edward Fairfax Rochester, take you, Jane Eyre, to be my wife, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and all of my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.' He then placed the platinum eternity band on my finger and said, 'Jane, I give you this ring as a symbol of all that we have promised and all that we share. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love.'

After blinking back tears I replied,

'I, Jane Eyre, take you, Edward Fairfax Rochester, to be my husband, my constant friend, my faithful partner and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and all of my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.' Then I placed the simple, platinum band on Edward's finger and said, 'Edward, I give you this ring as a symbol of all that we have promised and all that we share. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love.'

When I was done speaking, Edward gently took hold of my right hand and raised it to his lips for a kiss. A mix of a chuckle and a snort escaped as I tried in vain to hold back the tears I thought I had successfully repressed. Edward, who was also overcome with emotion, lovingly brushed them away before we both turned to face the minister.

'Now you will feel no rain, for you will be shelter to each other. And now you will feel no cold, for you will be warmth to each other. Now there is no loneliness, for even though you are two bodies, there is one life before you and one home.

'When evening falls, look to each other and join hands. Then turn together and look to the road you have traveled to reach this, the hour of your happiness. See how it stretches far behind you and be grateful for where you have come from, the times you have shared and the lessons you have learned. But don't forget that your future lies ahead. It is a long and winding road where every turn means more time together and new lessons to learn from.

'So, I thank Him for your past and your present. And I ask Him to bless your future, because your life together has only just begun. . . By the power vested in me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.'

Edward placed a tender and loving kiss on my mouth before resting his forehead against mine.

'So, how are you doing today, Mrs. Rochester,' he asked while caressing my damp cheek.

I smiled as I leaned into his hand.

'Just great. And you, Mr. Rochester?'

'Never better.'

When we returned from the church, Edward and I went into the kitchen to find Mrs. Fairfax cooking dinner and Adele doing her homework at the table. Neither of them took much notice of us until he put his arm around me and said,

'Jane and I were married this afternoon,' while I held up my left hand and smiled.

Adele almost pierced my eardrum with her screaming before knocking me off balance with a huge hug. Mrs. Fairfax, on the other hand, was a little more sedate with her congratulations. She just held her hands in front of her mouth and laughed,

'I saw you two go out, but I never dreamed that you would come back married!'

Once she calmed down, Adele rolled her eyes and sighed.

'Didn't I tell you? I knew they were going to get married as soon as possible. And they did!'

After kissing Adele on her forehead and redirecting her back to her homework, I went into the hall to call Diana and Mary. They were both thrilled to hear that Edward was doing well and that we were now married. Then I invited them to come down to Thornfield so we all could celebrate, but they both agreed that they would come for a visit when we returned from our honeymoon. Edward thought that was pretty funny.

'I guess Diana and Mary will never come to Thornfield, Jane, because our honeymoon is never going to end. . . And speaking of honeymoons, where would you like to go? Just name the place and we will book the trip today.'

I thought for a minute before replying,

'The only place I want to go right now is to our bedroom.'

He smiled and took my hand,

'I like the way you think, Mrs. Rochester.'

When we were half way up the stairs Edward teased,

'So, is Nurse Jane going to make a house call? I could really use a physical.'

I laughed,

'I think that can be arranged. But I thought you didn't want a nurse. I thought you only wanted a wife.'

'Can't I have both?' he grinned devilishly.

'Edward, you can have anything you want.'

After stopping me on the stairs with a kiss that took my breath away he replied,

'I already have everything that I want, Jane.'

'I'm glad you think so because you're stuck with me now.'

Now it was Edward's turn to laugh,

'You know, Jane, technically, we're still not officially married.'

'Then why the hell are we standing around talking! Take me to bed, Mr. Rochester and make me your wife!' I exclaimed as I bounded up the stairs.

'But only if you are gentle with me when you take me to bed and make me your husband. I still don't know how capable I am in that department,' he said with more than a hint of sadness in his voice.

Stopping dead in my tracks, I silently cursed myself for being so inconsiderate towards Edward's situation. Then I took his hand in mine and reassured him that whatever happened or didn't happen won't change how I felt about him now or ever as we walked to our bedroom together.

When I was able to, I called John to officially resign my position as Peer Counselor, and to tell him that Edward and I had gotten married just in case Diana and Mary didn't. He wasn't answering his office phone, so I left a simple message on his voice mail. I don't know how he reacted to my news, but when John did finally contact me, in the form of a brief, handwritten note, he never mentioned Edward's name or my marriage. He did wish me well, though, before informing me that he was leaving shortly for California.

Due to the injury to Edward's Temporal lobe, he now had concentration and short term memory problems that made it hard for him to run Pilot Corporation. As a result, I didn't return to school so I could help him with his business. My days were now spent trying to get him to focus on his paper work while I made notes so he wouldn't forget anything important. I never tired of the work because I really enjoyed helping him. And I even accompanied him to all of his business meetings. Instead of being embarrassed that he needed to bring his wife along, Edward encouraged me to take an active part in the discussions which now made the boring meetings much more interesting, according to him anyway.

Since we worked so well together and he wasn't ashamed that he needed my help, Edward listened to what I had to say regarding his clients. And he was always very grateful for my advice, especially when it made his company money, or kept it out of trouble.

Edward was in no hurry to return to London, and after taking a look at all of the documents from his meetings there, I told him that I didn't think this client would be beneficial to Pilot Corporation. After mulling it over for some time, he decided not to bring them aboard, and it was a good thing. Three months later, we found out that they were under investigation for money laundering.

Adele loved the fact that her uncle was now home and that I was now her aunt as well as her friend. She finished off her first year of school as a straight A student and informed us that she wanted to be a physical therapist or an actress when she grew up. Edward was hoping that she would choose to go into a convent instead, but he knew better than to hold his breath. We did let her know that whatever path she chose, we would support, within reason, of course! Oh, and Adele just adored our big, new, slobbery dog, Pilot, as did Mrs. Fairfax. Only she wouldn't admit it, especially after he messed up her kitchen.

There were also some other goings on at Thornfield that Mrs. Fairfax wouldn't admit to either, for a while. Little did we know, that while Edward and I were away, the business associate he had asked to help look after Thornfield, also looked after Mrs. Fairfax!

As was to be expected, Edward's central vision never did return even though the physical damage to his left eye eventually healed. Thankfully, he still had his peripheral vision in that eye and with the help of his fully functioning right eye, Edward was able to see our newborn son when he was placed in his arms. The first comment he made was how beautiful little Edward's eyes were. I smiled before reminding him that our son's large, brilliant, black eyes were just like his Daddy's.

Life couldn't get any better for us and our extended family. Soon after the birth of our son, Diana announced that she was getting married to the retired naval officer/professor she began dating shortly after Edward's accident. It was evident when you saw Diana and Stephen together that they loved each other very much. Edward and I couldn't have been happier for them.

And after graduating with an associates degree and much soul searching, Mary decided to take a few years off from her education to find herself before beginning her next course of study.

John did leave New York and go out to California as planned. From what I heard through his sisters and the letters he sent to me, his fellowship was very successful, and when it was done, he opened up a clinic in one of the poorest neighborhoods in Los Angeles. And as far as we knew, he didn't share his life with anyone special because he would rather work. John has been dedicated to his patients and continues to labor tirelessly, helping those who need it amongst the gang wars and violence that surround him. Diana and Mary are both afraid that one day John is going to end up getting killed, but he doesn't worry about it. In his last letter, John wrote that he knew he would probably die doing what he loved, so he wasn't afraid. In fact, he welcomed it.

Now it is time for my little story to come to a close, and as I sit here some ten years into married life, I can honestly say that I am truly happy and very blessed. I love being a mother to our two children, an aunt and friend to Adele, and Edward's partner in every aspect of our life together. With that said, I must admit that because Edward and I are together most of the time there isn't always perfect concord. No relationship is perfect and ours isn't the exception. We disagree, find fault with one another, or just get on each others nerves at times. But we make sure to work through our difficulties, whether they be big or small, because we love each other and know that we are meant to be together, forever.

--

weddings about dot com - vows and ring ceremony - adapted by jpmel / "The Journey" by Maura Penders - adapted by jpmel


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